Sad

Greenleaf state park contacted Dave on Thursday, and asked where we were.

When they scheduled our stay for this year, the person at the desk did it wrong.
She booked us for the week before Thanksgiving by accident, and we have lost our cabin camping trip for this year because of it.  

I am devastated.  That trip is the one thing I look forward to most every year, and we had our favorite cabin back at last.

They apologized, and moved our deposit to next year, still our favorite cabin, so that no one else can book it, and we have a confirmation with the correct dates.

However, leaving our money with them so we could do that means that we are just going to stay home instead of trying to find a last minute alternate.

This fall has been extremely stressful, but has also allowed for some amazingly high highlights (the wedding and vacation, crane spotting, and train spotting weekends).

Losing our cabin trip was like a kick in the belly, though.  

We needed it this year more than most.....but we will make the best of our unexpected staycation.

I will stick to my menu plan, mostly....with the exception that I will now bake my pie from scratch.

We ordered a REALLY cool backgammon set that will arrive in time, and we already have a lovely set of dominoes that we always take with us to the cabin.

We are surrounded by books and music in this house, and I am considering throwing a drape over the tv, and locking the lap tops up in a closet, so we can have the "no media" experience that is part of the cabin trip.

There is one "forest preserve" in this town, and we might go for a walk there. It has some very cool spots that I like, that have to do with water.

It's not a cabin by a lake, where I can sit for hours and watch the water, but it's better than nothing.

It's supposed to be cold and rainy the whole time, though, so we'll see.

We've elected to try our best to make this a retreat for ourselves, like it was meant to be.

Today is supposed to be gorgeous, so Dave will do some much needed fall yard clean up, and I will clean the house as if we still had people coming in to house sit for us next week.

That way, while we are off for our home retreat, I won't have to do chores unless I want to. Sometimes, I can't sit still, especially at home....so this will be a challenge.

My heart is sad beyond words about losing this trip.  I was actually feeling a sense of depression for a couple of days....but today, I feel better.

IV chemo it will be...

My doctor explained that we have cells here that have survived, and are hiding, in my liver, despite all of the drugs we have used in the past to try to kill them.

SO.... going back on the chemo pill is not really an option.

"We are going to flank them," he said.

I go back into IV chemo treatment starting the first week of December.

In the meantime, I get to STOP taking tamoxifen/hormone blockers, so maybe my pain will go away.

I get to go on our cabin camping trip without worrying about being sick, or weak, or fatigued.

I'm actually looking forward to getting this done.

My doctor and nurse were both very encouraging.

And I posted about it, as I always do, for my network on Facebook, and someone I have never met posted this comment......  It moved me deeply, so I am sharing it here....

 Facebook friendships are weird
In a world where we need personal contact - Facebook just doesn’t give that
And being I’m in California and you are decidedly not - meeting is unlikely
But I want to reach out in this most odd sort of forum and tell you how I see you - a woman I don’t even know

You have astounding character
- you consistently show your emotional self here which I have such admiration for
You create a real, intimate environment which gives you a well of support that is amazing. So many people don’t know how to reach out and ask for the wealth of their friends kindnesses - you do so with grace.

You seem to have a deep fortitude
- that’s not to suggest you aren’t fragile or worried or overwhelmed ... but you bring a perseverance even to the posts where you are feeling broken I want to acknowledge that sort of fortitude is earned - it’s not something a person simply gets born with - it’s worked and exercised and made strong by showing up over and over again

You are very loved
This is no small thing To be loved in the way your friends love you means you are a truly loveable person ... which means you know how to be kind, and tolerant and generous of heart In a world where that seems to be thinning you seem to be expanding

I wish you every blessing. May health and grace and joy walk alongside you every minute of every day
And if it gets too much - come here and re-read this
For this is how a stranger sees you
How much more you are seen by someone who knows and loves you.....

Health update

I didn't want to spoil my Train Spotting post with bad news, so here is a separate post.

I saw the interventional radiologist on Friday.  They did an ultrasound, and it took a really long time because they had a hard time getting clear views of the two tumors we were aware of.

The doctor then compared the new ultrasound views with the MRI and the CT that he had on file.

He came back and said no. 

It appears that there are more lesions that we first thought, but none of them can be clearly visualized, and he called my doctor, and they agreed that I should go back into chemo before we do any other kind of treatment.

He said it's likely that I will be a candidate for either the radio embolization (different from the ablation, the embolization uses tiny radioactive beads that go into the liver via blood vessels), or the chemo embolization, after systemic chemo does its work.

I will find out on Tuesday if I am going to have to go back to the chemo chair for IV treatments, and lose my hair in the winter again, OR, if I can take it orally like we did the last time.

Bald with constant mouth sores, or just constant mouth sores..... we'll see.

So, that's that.  I am beyond disappointed, and I am scared.

Train spotting

Spike found while we waited for our first glimpse of the UP 4014 at Sallisaw, OK

Nice shot after he arrived at Ft. Gibson, OK 

Here is the man himself, Ed Dickens, at the helm (in the dark shirt and overalls).

Mr. Dickens writes "Big Boy" on the 4014 in chalk, just like that original guy did back when the first one was built in 1941.  When it comes off due to rain, or gets cleaned off, he climbs up and puts it back on.

Shiny....and enormous!

I liked the crossing signal in the shot.  Look how tiny everyone looks next to him!!

We had a  most excellent day to chase steam on Nov. 16, 2019, during the Southwestern tour of Union Pacific's newly restored engine, the 4014.

For information about the history of the locomotive, you can look it up under Union Pacific Big Boy.

We were lucky enough that he came into Oklahoma on a Saturday.  We left OKC Friday night, and got an Air BnB for the night, so that we could be there when he arrived.

Unfortunately, the crowd was so big at the depot that we couldn't even get close to watch him come in, so we went down the road a couple of miles, and found a siding where we could wait.

We heard him long before he ever got to the depot, and the first time I heard that whistle, I had full body chills, burst into tears, and literally jumped up and down a little for joy.

We sat in the car to stay warm, and waited for him to pull out of the depot.  A few other folks joined us in the spot we had selected, but it wasn't crowded or anything.

I wanted to be hands-free for that first glimpse, so I did not take any pictures or video of the approach.  I just let myself experience it as fully as possible.   Dave got a good video, though.

As soon as he passed, we ran back to the car, jumped in, and chased him!  I got a fun little bit of video of that, but there was too much traffic to keep up for long.

We arrived at the next town ahead of him, as planned, and stood in place to catch him coming in.  

The next town is Gore, OK, which is where we get our groceries when we go to our cabin camping trip at Thanksgiving.   It's also where my dad most likely got off of the train when he was arriving for army boot camp during World War 2.

Camp Gruber is just down the road, directly across from the tracks.

As we drove up to the next stop in advance of the Big Boy, I said a little wish for the part of my dad's spirit that is probably at Camp Gruber.... to look out at the tracks, and watch....  

We drove right past Greenleaf State Park, where we will be for Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks, and went on to Ft. Gibson, our last stop before heading off in the opposite direction of the train, to go home

The crowd was HUGE at Ft. Gibson, so we parked a few blocks away, and walked over to the stop.

I got some great video of sounds and sights, and we stayed for the whole stop, and watched him leave.

It was such an amazing day!

Crane spotting

This is a view through the telescope at Salt Plains National Wildlife Refuge.

The Sandhill cranes are migrating southward. We went to the refuge to see if we could go “crane spotting,” and had some success. We watched hundreds of them land!

They were too far away to really see well with the naked eye, or even with our binoculars. Cell phone pictures are also too far away.

But we could HEAR THEM!

Crane is the messenger of the Spirit world in many earth-based beliefs.

I have always been deeply moved by Crane's energy.

As we turned to leave, I stopped, and turned back, and asked for a blessing.

At that moment, hundreds of Cranes rose into the air in a rush of power, calling out, and a loud, reverberating, deep buzz of their huge wings beating the air....... I shuddered with the energy, and cried tears of joy.

(I know, now, in some way, that everything will be alright.)

Late this last Monday morning, I was approved for the ablation treatment!

As it turned out, the one tumor that is close to the stomach is exactly 1 centimeter away from the stomach.

1 centimeter is the absolute minimum distance to allow for the treatment.....talk about mystical intervention!

But, there's STILL no word from the ablation doc's office regarding scheduling, so my anxiety remains high.

I have to do a consult and ultrasound in their office FIRST, and that needs to happen SOON, so we can schedule the procedure. I want it done before we leave for Thanksgiving!

My nurse assures me that she will call them tomorrow morning, and try to get them to GET MOVING on this. It's been almost a month since we discovered that the cancer is back, and, well, cancer grows....

If my slim margin is gone because of them delaying, we will be very unhappy.

Tomorrow is an office holiday, and we took Friday off so I could use my last floating holiday for the year.
I got my eye appointment done on Friday, new glasses ready soon.

We got our errands and some chores done Friday, once we decided to try to go Crane spotting yesterday.

Today will be an easy day. Dave is going to clean the oven, and take some stuff to Pop that Mike sent, and a friend is coming over this evening.

I will finish my weekly cleaning, and do a little extra because company's coming.

Tomorrow, I will see my new gynecologist, but nothing else is planned.

Some pro shots from the last dance show

STILL waiting for an answer...

We took Friday, Nov. 1 off from work to go shop the after Halloween sales for some newer decorations.

We also did all of our errands, so that we'd have the weekend free.

While we were at the grocery store, my nurse called.

My case is finally under review with the other doctor who performs the techniques that are being considered for my situation.

My doctor and this other doctor discussed my case last week on a couple of occasions.

My nurse said that, unfortunately, one lesion is probably too close to the stomach for the radio frequency ablation.  HOWEVER, she did not say that the other one is not still a candidate for ablation.

In terms of the one that is close to the stomach, a technique called chemotherapy embolization is still a viable option (where they inject chemo directly into the tumor, so there are no side effects), and she mentioned a third possibility as well, but I was standing in a noisy grocery store, and really don't even remember what she called it.  I gathered that it is similar to ablation, but maybe uses a different kind of radiation, or a different approach.

I'm sure I'll find out more details soon.

The doctors are going to review my MRI again this coming week, and hopefully, we will finally be able to move forward with SOME kind of treatment.

The waiting has been horrible.

My doctor assured me that my daily dose of tamoxifen will keep the tumors from growing or spreading...... but I can't fully believe that, since the cancer re-appeared during months (years) of taking hormone blockers every day.

SO, anxiety is high.

I just want this over with.

In other news, we had a fun Halloween.  It was cold here (upper 30s), but not as cold as back home, and we finally had enough trick or treaters to give away all of our treats.  They were all delivered by cars creeping down the street in a parade.

After we turned off the lights, someone stole a plastic skull off of the porch, and then TRIED to steal the shrieking ghost, but it shrieked!!  HAHAHA!!  We were already in bed, so we got up, and took the ghost in.  Nothing else was messed with.

I hate that people have started to steal stuff off of our porch.  We had a cool metal dragon that someone took a few weeks ago.

Anyway, I dressed as a witch for work, in the costume that I wore for the dance studio photo shoot, and I kept that on for the evening to answer the door.  One little girl gasped, and said "You're a WITCH!"

*cackle*  WHY YES, yes, I am....

Yesterday was a relaxing day at home, doing chores at leisure, and I cooked a great meal for dinner.  We refreshed the hot tub last weekend, so yesterday involved the usual tweaking of chemistry to get the water settled in.

OKC water has "stuff" in it.... I am not sure if it's algae or what, but it's usually kind of icky at the beginning.  I got that sorted out yesterday, and we had a good soak last night.

Today, Sunday Funday, we are going to go check out a new park in town, and then go to the Day of the Dead Festival nearby.  I'm not sure why the festival wasn't yesterday, which was actually the Day of the Dead, a Mexican holiday.

The weather this weekend is picture perfect.

Of course, I woke up at 6:30 because it was light out, after the time change.  Sigh.  SO here I sit, blogging and sipping coffee.  I hope Dave doesn't sleep until 9 like he did yesterday.

That man can stay in bed for 12 hours..... I just can't do that unless I'm sick.

We also have a long weekend NEXT weekend, as my office closes for Veterans' Day, and I took my floating holiday on Friday.   

I am going to my new gynecologist on Monday, and am also hoping to get an eye appointment for either Friday or Monday.  I keep forgetting to call.

Maybe I will have a procedure to schedule soon, too.  I sure hope so.