Sunday, May 31, 2020

The world is burning

This past week has been mind blowing.

Murder by cop... followed by riots in cities all across the country, during a deadly virus pandemic.

There have been demonstrations in OKC the past two days, but last night's turned bad.  There was tear gas and rubber bullets, and, then I heard that there was burning and looting too.

One of the buildings that was burned is the center that provides help and clothing for women in need, and gives them professional looking clothing to wear on job interviews.

We heard the choppers, being in an area that is relatively close to where the action was.

I wonder if the people doing this were from out of state, like they found out they were in Minnesota, and probably in Illinois and Indiana, as well..... white supremacists (NOT anti-fascists) going from state to state, setting up riots to try to incite a race war.

I can't get my mind around that.  I can't understand that level of hate.

There is another protest scheduled for OKC this afternoon.  We will be staying home.

My heart is broken and hurting, but we can't risk being in the midst of that kind of a crowd.

My heart wants to be there...I want to stand up.... but my common sense says SIT THE FUCK DOWN...

We believe that Black Lives Matter.  We believe in freedom of speech.  We believe that this is not the end....

As irrelevant as it now seems, here's the rest of my weekly post...

We took yesterday off from doing most of our chores around the house and yard.

It was a gorgeous day, so we rode our bikes over to the Plaza District, and actually ate lunch at a restaurant  (ordered inside, with masks on, staff with masks on, and then ate outside on the patio, far from other customers).  We had not eaten out since early March.

Then, we went to our favorite little shop, safely (no shoppers allowed in without masks, staff in masks).  We've become friendly with the owner, and it was so good to visit with someone IN PERSON...  She was outwardly happy to see us, and happy FOR us getting out and doing something for the first time since we went into isolation.

Rode home, and watched the Space X rocket launch.  How exciting!!

Then, laundry and setting up the Weber grill as a smoker to try to make pulled pork.  The meat was delicious, but was not tender enough to pull, darn it.

After dinner, we enjoyed a good. long soak in our hot tub, and then did home pedicures while we watched a little television.

Today is supposed to be just as beautiful as yesterday, and we will get the mowing and yard work done, I will finish my weekly chores, and we might try to make a trip to the local organic gardening center.

Something is eating my clematis vine, and I have an idea from a friend of what to buy to chase away the mysterious mandibles of death, HAHA!

Tomorrow, I have to go for my bi-weekly blood draw, and then, on Tuesday, I have a new patient appointment at a rheumatologist's office.

Should be interesting.

On that note, my daily cup of coffee is gone, and it's time for breakfast.


Sunday, May 24, 2020

The hope of green things

We went to the big box store last weekend, and shelled out $100 for planters, soil, and plants!

We now have cucumber, heirloom summer squash, and tiny watermelons planted in containers, and a friend saw me post about it on facebook, and she brought me a cherry tomato plant, too!

I also got a baby parsley plant, since my existing plant is in its second year, and will die off this fall, and I got some basil, and oregano, too.  The herbs are in pots right now, because we are supposed to be getting a lot of rain, and I don't want them to drown and die like last year.

I will let them strengthen their roots and grow larger, and then I will put them in the herb garden after the flooding season is over.

The neighbor also gave me some nasturtium seeds, and those are in the planters, too.  They should have sprouted by now, and haven't, but we'll see. 

In the meantime, the scarlet runner beans are thriving and blossoming, and that flower mound we created has tiny sprouts all over it!  Can't wait to see how they thrive and bloom this summer!

Hopefully, they won't get pummeled to death, or washed away, by the heavy rains we are expecting tomorrow.

I saw my doctor this past week. My blood work continues to improve on the lowered dose of chemo (neutrophils are back in the NORMAL range, not just the "this is low, but still okay during chemo" range!), and he agreed that we could switch the hormone blocker to the one I was on most recently, before the tamoxifen, to see if the pain in my thighs goes away.

Of course, it means that I will get the old side effects from that medication back, but this pain in my legs really needs to be GONE. 

He is also referring me to a rheumatologist, which will either rule out arthritis, and prove that I simply can't tolerate the hormone blockers, or it will provide me with yet another life-infringing diagnosis of RA.

No one has called yet to set an appointment, so I don't know when this will be happening. It will probably involve multiple appointments, with blood tests, and xrays.

Dave has spent some of our stimulus money on a computer that he has set up just for old games.  I hope he has fun, and a good escape, from this project.  He spends way too much time focusing on negative subjects, social media, and news. 

I still haven't managed to start reading, or doing anything resembling a spiritual practice, but at least I have my little garden set up, and have been playing my guitars.  Those things are their own version of spiritual.

Rumor has it that we won't go back to working at the office until August at the very earliest, and that is contingent on the progress of the virus, as well as the possibility of the office moving to a new building in the midst of all of this.

Many of us REALLY DO NOT LIKE the location of the potential building.  It's 30 miles away for many of us, even coming from different directions.

It will mean Dave and I will have to buy another car, and I will have to spend an hour and a half driving every day to go to and from work.

Yuck.

Needless to say, most of us really hope this building deal falls through, like all of the others have over the past several years.

BUT, the thing about August really is just a rumor, and until I hear it from the CEO, I won't give it too much credence.

In other news, well....there really isn't any other news.  Our world has become very small.

We would have left yesterday for our hoped-for trip to Chicagoland to visit my family and friends.  Those plans didn't even have the chance to start solidifying before COVID came along.

My tears have been shed over it, though, and there's nothing to be done for it.

Wishing anyone who actually reads this a good Memorial Day, full of gratitude and reflection.  I'm glad it will be rainy here, maybe it will keep the COVIDiots from having big parties, and creating another numbers spike in 10 days to 2 weeks.

Sunday, May 17, 2020

Mild spring

I probably shouldn't say anything, because I'll jinx us, but we are having a really mild spring in central Oklahoma.

There have been some storms, yes, but there have been very few tornadoes.  Mostly, there's been a lot of wind and hail with the storms, but nothing terrible in our area.  No flooding, either, which is nice.

As a result, the things that I have planted are doing well.

The neighbors gifted us a load of left over garden soil after they installed a big container garden, and planted a peach tree in their front yard.

We just spread that out in a big patch over the weeds in the back yard, and I put out an assortment of wildflower seeds that are supposed to attract bees and other beneficial insects.    There are a thousand tiny sprouts coming up!  By summer, we should have a big patch of black eyed susans, yarrow, and salvia.

It will be nice to have flowers in the back as well as in the flower bed out front, which has iris and peonies in spring, and black eyed susans and speedwell in summer.

I also planted 2 scarlet runner bean plants, also gifted to me by the neighbors.  Those are doing great!  We still had our old gate from the chain link fence, across the old driveway, and leaned it up against the pergola to give the beans something to climb.

They will eventually have bright red flowers, and will make edible beans.

Since I moved here in 2009, there have been very few Mays that have not been insufferably hot by the middle of the month.

I am loving having an actual spring.   We've had a few grey, drizzly days lately, but today should be lovely, and we are in for a few nice days before the next round of rain.

Last year, it was so wet for part of the spring that my herb garden, and attempts at container gardening, all drowned.

I haven't tried any container plants this year, but our neighbors are inspiring me to try again.  That will mean a trip to Lowe's, though, so it may not happen.

We tried to go to the revived OKC Farmers Market yesterday.  It was not a good idea.  Too many people, not enough of them wearing masks, and the booths were not spaced far enough apart to allow for distancing.

We just walked through and left.

So, our grocery order had lots of veggies, and NO unhealthy snacks.  We are both still gaining weight, and all of the crappy snacks are now gone, so, with the nice few days we have coming up, we should be able to get outside and at least walk, if not ride our bikes, too.

We are in the process of doing a re-fi of our mortgage.  The appraisal was Friday, so I did most of my inside chores already for this week.

The mortgage payment that we get to skip will be used to pay for the appraisal.  I have no idea why they aren't folding the appraisal fee into the mortgage...that's always been how it has been done in my previous experience.  Oh well.

Today, the grass should be dried out enough to mow, so we will get our outside chores done today, and maybe get in the hot tub this evening.

Yesterday was a surprisingly lazy day for me.  I don't usually "DO" lazy....but I think being in quarantine really has reduced my stress in a lot of ways. 

I've used up all of the purple tinted conditioner for my hair, and the color has faded over the past 2 weeks to a lovely shade of mauve.   I'm trying to decide if I want to do anything else with it, or just leave it.  Maybe the hair color thing is out of my system.   I'm not sure yet.

If it didn't cost so much, I 'd LOVE to get the "opal effect" coloring done.  However, that involves hours sitting in a salon, too, and I am not about to go to a salon for any reason.

I'm afraid of damaging my hair, or of using anything that will not wash all the way out eventually.

I get my bi-weekly blood draw tomorrow, and then Tuesday, I will actually see my doctor.  He cancelled all of his face to face visits for a couple of months, but he is back to seeing patients, and we all wear masks.

I plan to talk to him about the obvious increase in pain since the beginning of the year, the increased dry eye symptoms, the itchiness on my back that drives me nuts sometimes, and the maddening night time leg cramps are back, no matter what I do.

All of these are side effects of, you guessed it, the hormone blocker.

Through it all, it's been the various hormone blockers that have caused me the most trouble.  The one that was the least impactful was tamoxifen.

Maybe we can try a different one at this stage.  We'll see what he says.  I know that the one I am on is the one that is recommended for this chemo pill, so I don't know if he will allow a change.

I've become increasingly aware that all of the things that I had planned to be doing while on lock down are not happening.

I am not reading, I am not doing more yoga, I am not regaining my spiritual practice, and I am not deep cleaning my house.
Dave and I are not playing dominoes or backgammon at all, either, which we thought we would do more often.

It's a matter of mild depression, I think.  My mood lifts MARKEDLY when we get out of the house, and especially when we go somewhere else, other than just out into our neighborhood.

Even though the farmers market experience was a big disappointment, just going, and being around people, made me feel SO much better!!

We also took a long, meandering drive after we left the market, and it was just so nice to be out somewhere.

I also feel that we are self-medicating WAAAY too much with alcohol. 

We need to strengthen our resolve to get that under control again.    We were doing really well for a long time, there, but this international crisis threw that right out the window.  I, personally, do not drink to excess when I drink, but I AM drinking more than I should be.

Alcohol is a depressant, after all, and I am harming myself in more ways than one by drinking more than I should.  It also causes weight gain!

SO, I am determined to relegate drinking anything but the occasional glass of wine, or a beer, to the weekends, and then, I will only have a cocktail or two.

Dave has to make his own decisions on the matter.  I can't let his behaviors impact MINE anymore, in this regard.

On that note, I am off to make our Sunday breakfast.

Best wishes for a lovely week to my gentle readers.

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Sunny Sunday

We had such a perfect day yesterday!  Those happen so infrequently in Oklahoma, and to have it happen on a day off was miraculous!

It was sunny, in the 60s, with no wind.  Absolutely beautiful!

I did my bi-weekly disinfecting of the floors, and got all of my other chores done, but we didn't get the mowing done.

That will happen today, before the rain comes in late this afternoon.  It's sunny now, but it's not going to stay that way, and it's cooler than yesterday, too.

Then, we took a bike ride.  We've been trying to get out and ride whenever we can, in addition to taking our walks whenever we can.

Today, we will go to the cemetery to Dave's Mom's grave.

Dave called his Dad yesterday.  It was not as good of a day as the last time.  He wasn't really able to speak coherently.

Even though the state is re-opening businesses, nursing homes and memory care centers are still not open to visitors, so we can't go see him.

I have only been out of our neighborhood to go to my office, and I really need to get away today.

My blood work came back showing a marked improvement since we reduced the chemo dosage by one third.

I was pleased to see that the lab staff is finally being given PPE !! Why it took their corporate office 2 months to give them masks is beyond me.

They're talking about an impending meat shortage, but we have frozen ground beef, and chicken breasts, to last us for a little while.

If that runs out, and the shortage takes place, we have some cans of beans on the shelf.

As a chemo patient, I am supposed to focus on getting adequate protein every day, so I am a bit concerned about that particular supply chain breaking down.

Oh well, can't do anything about it.  It will be what it will be, just like everything else.

My boss let me implement another of my usual tasks that I was told not to do at first while working from home.

I got February and March caught up on one part of it, and started February on three other parts.  I felt a sense of accomplishment, and will hopefully be given the tools to continue next week.

Part of it needs a scanner, and I don't have one at home, and the one on my desk at the office is disconnected, so we'll see.

Our little Frankie cat is growing so fast!  He has the distinct advantage of growing up with his human companions around all of the time.  No other cat I have ever lived with has had this opportunity.

Unfortunately, this is going to create a separation anxiety situation when the day comes that we do have to go back to our offices.   He cries and cries when we are just outside in the yard.

I am sure that he cries when we take our little trips to try to get out of the neighborhood, too.

Our walks and bike rides aren't very long, but every time we come back, he is settled in on the rug by the door, waiting for us.

Nothing much else to report on.  Today is Mothers Day, so happy day to any moms reading this.








Sunday, May 3, 2020

58

My 58th birthday was last Tuesday.

I got several cards this year, and my cousin, Roz, sent me home made, vacuum packed brownies!

The day itself was nothing special, though, as I was stressed out and mentally exhausted.

It was a bad day for work, as that project with all of the paperwork that I had picked up from the office the previous week was a clusterfuck!

My supervisor had figured that two days would be enough for me to reconcile a month's worth of deposits, but she had NO idea what a mess they would be, and she really has no idea what is involved in doing reconciliations on a GOOD day.

It ended up taking every minute of three days, and was aggravating for everyone involved...ESPECIALLY me....and, of course, my supervisor was not involved.

SO, after all was said and done, and balanced, I emailed her and said never again. We need to do this a different way!

My idea is that I should go to the office once a week to pick up that week's deposit reports. That way, the work can be done on an ongoing basis, instead of under superheated pressure once a month.

To my surprise, she accepted my idea.

Someone who is going to the office to help out will collate the batches from what the payment posters print out at the office, and drop them into folders, and I will go collect them, and then drop them back off when complete.

My day to go to the office is Fridays, because no one is there.

We had a company wide conference call meeting on Thursday, and the CEO told us, in no uncertain terms, that the admin staff are going to be working from home indefinitely.

He does not believe that this virus is anywhere near clearing out of the area, and he wants his team to be safe and healthy.

SO, when I went for my first regular visit on Friday, I got the rest of my personal items out of my desk, and brought them home.

We also timed it so that I was at the office when the honor flyover happened!  We saw the planes going over the hospital, and were right there at my building when one flew over for us.  It was pretty cool!

Sadly, it was just me, Dave, and the Chief of Staff.  I had no idea this was supposed to be happening, so I was super excited about the timing!

Dave and I have been out on our bikes a few more times, and plan to go again today.  We've ordered some safety helmets.  We're probably never going to encounter much traffic riding around the neighborhood, but we could hit a rock, or a crack in the pavement, and fall, so it's a good idea.

I haven't had a helmet for years. I hate wearing them, but I admit that I am not as confident of a cyclist as I used to be.

We also hope to get out to a park for a walk today.  I have not been out of the neighborhood, except to go to the office, in two weeks.

The state of Oklahoma re-opened on Friday, despite the fact that our numbers continue to rise.

Dave and I are not planning to rush out and meet friends in public places.  We will continue to isolate, and be extremely careful.

On Friday evening, there were two house parties on our block...right next door, and across the street and over one.

Brilliant.

Sanitizing wipes still cannot be found anywhere, so I continue to clean the house with my special brew.  When it runs out, I will improvise with my own blend of essential oils to make it smell good.

I have to go for my blood draw tomorrow, and now I have to go in the middle of my work day because the labs have decreased their hours.  They are only open til 2, so I will clock out and go at 1, and clock back in when I get back to my desk.  That way, I will get paid accurately out of my FMLA hours.

Hopefully, the lab sites will put their hours back to normal soon.

We did our mowing and chores yesterday, so today there is just one more project I want Dave to work on for me, so I can plant my black eyed susan and yarrow seeds out back.

The bean plants are doing great!

Not much else to report.  Our world is pretty small right now.