The dating scene

Oh my goodness, there is nothing much worse than having to start dating after your 40th birthday has long since come and gone.

I can't imagine what it must be like for those who start after they turn 50!

For me, as a mild mannered, shy and reserved sort of person, there weren't a whole lot of options.
I didn't have any money to belong to any clubs or anything.
I did not, and still do not, enjoy going to bars.
I had never once seen an eligible man in the library, bookstore, or grocery store.
None of my friends were forthcoming with introductions, and the one who DID have someone for me to meet misjudged both me, and her friend, pretty extremely!

Anyway, I turned to the "innernets" (yes, I know it's not really spelled that way...but our president does not) for my first forays into dating since my divorce.

My husband was gone, my ex fiance and his married whore of a girlfriend were gone...and I was on my own.

I actually didn't waste a lot of time getting myself "out there." My brother always said about that, that I was an optimist from the beginning.

I remember him advising me, upon my being devastated and utterly heart-broken by Rich (I HAD actually, totally, utterly, loved that guy once), that no one was going to just magically appear at my door. He said that I'd have to get out there and make myself visible, and available, in order to meet someone.

I always had some kind of faith that there was someone out there for me....somewhere. So, I took my brother's advice, and, when I was ready, started looking.

I went to Match.com. I went to eHarmony. I went to a few that don't exist anymore. I went to Yahoo. I went to that one based on your Spirituality...can't remember the name of it now. I went to one based on your i.q. test results.

I tried them all.

Over the course of 5 or so years, starting when I was 41ish, I became acquainted with dozens of men on line. Emails and flirting and chatting on line.

When it felt safe, and they had begged enough, I would share my phone number.

When things progressed to the right level, I would agree to meet them.

Over those 5 or so years, I met 23 men. Most of them once. Most of them should have had big, bright red "L's" tattooed on their foreheads.

While I will admit that I did meet several very nice men, the vast majority of them should have been drowned at birth, or at the time of their divorce, just to save woman-kind from having to deal with their lies, their arrogance, and their stupidity.

No, really!

I had a whole list made up at one point, and in one of my former blogs, I wrote stories about some of the most memorable encounters.

Some of the names I gave to my "mystery dates" were:

Mullett Man John (he was my first actual date since I had met my ex husband, since Rich and I never actually dated)

Cheese head lawyer Bill (he considered it a compliment to tell me that it was nice that my thighs were not so fat as to hang over the sides of the chair at the restaurant he took me to.)

Bad hygiene Jamie (ew)

Woman hating Jeff (this guy was out to prove that all women could be categorized, compartmentalized, and controlled.....one date was too many with this one!)

Sociopath Simon (gawd)

Disappearing Designer Teece (I actually had a relationship with this one. After a few months, he came over every weekend. He met my friends. He had said he was falling in love with me....and then he just....vanished. Completely. Never heard from him again. See my poem :The White Crow:

Spanky Joe (don't ask)

Rotting teeth homeless Krist (yes, even I knew how to really hit bottom)

Very large ex-Mormon David

Mystery man Tommy (one moment, he can't wait to date me...the next minute, he stops calling and emailing, and stands me up....ok then!)

Short Scott

and, yes, even Married Gary!! ("I really like you, and want to see you again, but before we have our next date, there's something you need to know....because I really like you, and I don't want to go forward if you're uncomfortable with it....")

There were also a host of others I have now, mercifully, forgotten.

Ultimately, the last guy I was involved with, Jeff, was very sweet, very generous, and very interested in me.

Sometimes.

When we would get together, we'd have a great time. Lots of lively conversation, we'd go to movies, or stay in and play back gammon....and he was an utterly amazing kisser.

But he would only contact me when he was looking for some action, after a while.

Every 3 weeks to every month. I wanted a real relationship. He wanted someone to hook up with when he felt like it.

Nope. That was not for me.

By this time, 23 men, and 5 years into it, I was becoming disillusioned, frustrated, and bitter. These things were starting to come through in my blogs, my every day conversation, and in my every waking moment, so it seemed.

I'd had enough, and was really, truly ready to give up.

Now, mind you, I'd said that I was going to give up after each let-down. After Teece disappeared. After rotting tooth homeless guy proved to be a liar and a fake. After Gary said he was married. After Jeff stopped wanting to see me every day, and switched to once every several weeks....

...but I'd never really, actually given up.

Apparently, my friend, The Universe, was getting tired of hearing me say that I was going to. She was also noticing that bitter edge to my attitude.

(she's not really The Universe...that's one of her personas on the ever mysterious innernets)

So she emailed her friend D. She asked him first, if he would be at all interested in meeting her friend (me).

From what I heard, he was VERY enthusiastic and interested. Like a puppy dog being offered a treat, actually, was what it brought to mind.

She then emailed me. My response was "What can it hurt. It's not like Oklahoma City is close enough to be dangerous!"

And...so...it began.

She introduced us via email. He emailed me first, I think, and that first day, we exchanged 4 emails.

Not a day has passed since then that we have not been in some kind of contact.

After a couple of months of spending HOURS on the phone, on the innernets, and on the webcam, talking and getting acquainted...and falling in love....I invited D to come and visit me.

"It's not like Oklahoma City is close enough to be dangerous."

Yeah, right.