It really is now.
My contract with my realtor was canceled as of Aug. 1.
I don't have anyone to take the place.
I am now considering the consequences if I just move away and leave it vacant. Hoping that my sister can arrange to have the carpets cleaned after I vacate, and just leave it empty, and keep paying for it .... somehow.
If nothing else, that would be less to worry about, in terms of "what is that person doing to my property?" and "will I get the rent check in time to pay the mortgage and assessment this month?"
This has been an extremely stressful and trying year. The ongoing stress, and continuous flow of disappointments, has effected how I act, how I feel, how I sleep, how I eat, and how I think.
I have been accused of being self-centered, negative, and moronic, in the midst of merely trying to do what was right and best for my financial being.
Obviously, there are those out there who have NO IDEA of what it means to struggle. Or to worry. Or to have problems. Or to face the possibility of losing a long-fought-for investment that IS your financial future.
Or of what it means to try to do what's best, over what's most romantic.
I am really ready to have this situation all over with, one way or the other.
1 comment:
P, I say this with a lot of love. Being in OKC is going to make a world of difference that you can't even imagine. Even though you'll have to hit the ground running, as best as you can, you'll be with Dave and your struggles, whatever they will be, are going to be shared 100%.
You're part of something bigger and more wonderful than yourself. And I have to believe that it hasn't been readily apparent while you've been living in IL apart from your life partner. It's time to shift from a focus of "me, mine" to "us, ours." Even your biggest stressors are going to ease by the mere fact that at the end of the day, you'll be able to rest your head on Dave's shoulder and find peace and security.
I don't think you're moronic by any means. But I do think you've been hanging on to Plan A longer than you should have, mostly because that choice was clearly causing you distress. Repeatedly, and increasingly. It's been tough to read you so angry and frustrated, and to be powerless to help.
I know what it means to struggle, though I haven't had to struggle for quite a while. I know what it is to worry, to be unable to sleep worrying how bills were going to be paid, and how ends were going to meet. I do indeed remember. It's one of the main reasons I'm so conservative now and always "pay myself" (that is, put away some savings) first, even if it's just $10 or $20. Over time it's become clear to me what I need as my security blanket, and I make sure that blanket is nice and fluffy first and foremost.
Leaving your home empty (and forget about cleaning the carpets; you don't need to spend that money now. You can have a "carpet cleaning" allowance on a sale or the first month's rent from a tenant) may set you back for a couple of months until you find work. But with some clever planning and perhaps a bit of serious penny-pinching, that'll just be temporary.
This last year has in some ways sucked major ass for you. Time to be done with it. You did the best you could - what happened (or didn't happen) isn't your fault. Plan B has got to be better, don't you think?
Much love to you, SweeP.
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