Fully grieving

It's been a very tearful day today.

I said good bye to the dance community in my area last night.

I said good bye to dancing with my long time troupe (since 1996), and my dear, dear friends.
No more power struggles, but no more hours of uncontrolled laughter during rehearsals, no more creative expression with these two brilliant artists, no more "chat breaks" to talk about the things in our lives that really matter. No more triumphant, fulfilling performances.

I said good bye to dance, basically, until I can get my foot in the door in the dance community in a strange town, where I'm going to be the new kid.

As I packed my "work out clothes," and my dance bag into a box, I sobbed inconsolably.

Today, I am fully grieving that loss.

Then, I said good bye to my friend J from Michigan this morning.
Since she moved to Michigan several years ago, we've ended every visit having to say good bye not knowing when we would meet again. Usually, we've been able to get together at least a couple of times a year, though.

But this time, it's different.

As she put it, this time, we are not going to be a mere 4 hour drive away from one another anymore.

In a couple of weeks, that 4 hour separation becomes something like 20 hours by car.

So the likelihood of our seeing one another again, any time soon, is very small.

We hugged and wept, and gazed into each others' eyes before we parted. Then I came inside, alone, after her being here for 2 days, and sobbed inconsolably.

Today, I am fully grieving that loss.

I have a lot more good byes to say in the next couple of weeks. My emotions are already very raw, and close to the surface.

My eyes are just going to be red, and my face puffy, for a while.

Better out than in, though, so I suppose this weeping is healthy.