Redefining home

When I set out on this blog's journey, one of the major points was to redefine what "home" means.

Because I had fallen in love, and married a man from out of state, I knew that, at some point, I was going to have to relocate my entire life to a new city.

D realized, a very long time ago in our history, that he would be unable to relocate. If we were ever to live together as husband and wife, I would be the one who would have to move.

For over a year, I was looking at the door, knowing that I would have to walk through it and say good bye to my job, my friends, my family, and my various communities: not only residential, but spiritual and dance related.

How do you redefine "home" when you are preparing to leave behind EVERYTHING that word means to you?

For over a year, I was smothered by stress and anxiety.

For over a year, the fear that was in my heart was crouching like a lynx, snarling at me at times, purring at others.

And now, here I am, finally on the other side of that door.

The heart wrenching good byes have all been said, the horrendous 2 days of travel are in the past, and my belongings are being unpacked and settled in around me.

It all feels completely surreal, though. I can't believe that the hardest parts of all are now in the past.

I honestly don't know how to FEEL. I have not been weeping as much these past couple of days, so that's a good thing.

I have been living in chaos for about 6 weeks, going back to when I started to pack up my belongings, and preparing myself, mentally, for what was to come.

I've been crying every day for what feels like a life time, so it's good that I am taking a break from that.

But now, as I strive to start every part of my life OVER again, I am just numb.

The redefinition, in full, is going to take time.

But, for now, at least I can say that I live with my husband, and that's a very, VERY good start!