little road trip

Since there's no way we could go to Illinois this year for vacation, we're planning a few long weekends here and there.

This weekend, we took Friday off and headed down to the Dallas area.

I'd never been to Texas, and wanted to see Dealey Plaza, and I'd also heard that there are Trader Joe's grocery stores in Texas.

Dave had also discovered, as I think I mentioned in a previous post, that there is a REAL GREEK restaurant in Plano, the town with the nearest Trader Joe's, and we both wanted to plan to meet up with one of our "imaginary internet friends" who lives in Denton.

This friend had sent me a big stack of Grateful Dead live concert cd's a few years ago, which I then passed along to my brother by way of an "I'll send them to you, if you share them with someone else" agreement.

So, off we went on Friday morning.  After grabbing breakfast at Panera, we headed south.

I was really surprised at how pretty the landscape gets going south through Oklahoma.  There are hills, and trees, and even the Arbuckle Mountains.  It was quite scenic and I enjoyed it completely.

Then, in the area of Texas where we spent most of the next 24 hours, it was really quite beautiful! 

We hit a good deal of traffic heading into Dallas, but eventually  made our way to Dealey Plaza.  Seeing the place in person was...chilling.

We went into the old book depository building, to check out the "6th floor museum," but when we saw that admission would be $32 for both of us, we decided not to do it.  That's just crazy!

We wandered around, and then got back in the car to go back to Plano to find our hotel.

After about an hour or so sitting in dead stopped traffic, we finally broke free, and went to find our place.  In the process, though, we found a bar called The Brick House, and I had my first Lone Star. After a hot day in the car, and sight seeing, it was really quite refreshing!

Then, finally, we headed to our room.  It was at the Hampton Inn, and it was really VERY nice.  We got the room at the very end of the 4th floor hallway, and even though the place was FULL of kids' sports teams, we didn't hear anything all night.

Storms were moving in, so once we got settled in our room, we set the GPS for the Greek place, and headed out for dinner.  It was almost 8pm by this time, and we figured we'd missed the rush.

It stormed while we were there, with lots of cold rain and loud thunder (I knew the rain was cold because of the ankle deep puddle I stepped in as we left).  They had some pretty decent Greek food, retsina wine, and ouso for afters.

We enjoyed our dinner completely!  I wish there were something resembling real Greek food in the Great State of Oklahoma, but there just. Is. Not.

This will be a place we visit again!

Before we went back to the room, we stopped at a Walgreens to buy some wine, just because we COULD (no such thing in OK), and then we went back to the hotel.

I took a hot bath to soak the road out of my back, and Dave watched a REALLY weird movie on tv.  We sipped our wine, and eventually went to sleep.  It was SOO nice and quiet.

Saturday morning, we availed ourselves of the awful free breakfast offered by the Hampton, showered, and packed up.

First stop, IKEA!  This was Dave's idea, actually.  No, seriously!

He was impressed!  We wandered there for a good hour and half, and came out with a new blanket for our bed, which we really needed, and some cool glass bottles for our home made limoncello, arancello, and kahlua!

Next stop was to meet our friend John in a town called Flower Mound where we had discovered they had a CULVER'S burger joint!  Culver's is a fave of mine from back home.  They're based in Wisconsin, and have spread out over the upper midwest.  To find one all the way in Texas (when there are NONE in OK) was a total surprise, so we HAD to eat lunch there!

Our friend lives relatively nearby, and he met us there just as we arrived.  We had a really good visit, but time passed quickly, and we still had to go all the way back to Plano for my Trader Joe's shopping spree.

It was a lovely day for driving, and I enjoyed the sights.  Back to Plano for TJ's., where I spent almost all of the $100 I had budgeted for.

I got simmer sauces, lemonade, coffee, and frozen fish, scallops, and a frozen chocolate genache cake....  it was SO FUN!  I miss TJ's so much!  But since they sell wine and beer, they can't come into Oklahoma, which has arcane, stupid liquor laws.

Back to the car, cold stuff into a cooler, ice procured...then...the highway home.

It was very dark and rainy almost all the way home, but it was not dangerous, and the traffic was moving.

We took I 35 all the way up, which we had purposely avoided part of going down.... because it passes through the disaster area from the May 20th EF5 tornado that barely missed my in laws' house.

Going back, I felt ready to see what we had avoided on the way down.  I felt strong enough to see it.

But...

Seeing the little bit of the devastation that's visible from the highway was utterly overwhelming.  I felt the air being sucked out of me, and the tears just formed of their own accord, and slipped silently, and steadily, down my cheeks.

I grasped my belly with one hand, and the other flew to my mouth, which was agape in terror, awe, shock.

Right near the road, I could see two things that I think were once cars, and beyond them, a swath of ... empty space with huge piles of just....rubble, bounded by old trees that were sheered off.

These piles of rubble were once peoples' homes on what were once tree lined streets.  People lived there.  They loved and lived and cried and died there.

I could not speak.  I could not breathe.  It was like nothing else I'd ever seen in my life.

Then, later that night, Dave talked to his son.

His son helped bury the 247 dead horses that were killed at the horse farm that made the news.

His son works for a crane company, and the crane company was called into action in the disaster.  And, as a result, his son unburied one of the teachers and one of the students in that school that made the news.

So....yesterday was kind of tough, after we got back up here.

There are no words.

I live here now.  This is my home now.  Stuff like this happens here.

It's altering my perspective.

Anyway, the pantry has cool stuff in it, the errands are done, and the grill is ready for tonight's pork chops.

Life goes on....

Weekend Land

One of the dj's on my home town favorite radio station used to say, at about 5:30 pm on your average Friday, that it was irrevocably weekend land....

Well, this week, for me, it comes on THURSDAY!

We took tomorrow off to extend the holiday weekend.  I really need a few days' break from the stress at work.

Plano, Texas is a couple of hours away, and we are going to head down there tomorrow so I can shop at the closest Trader Joe's!!  YAY!

There is also supposedly a real Greek restaurant there.  That remains to be seen, but we will go take a look.

Nice to know it's not too far away, and can be done in a day trip.

We're also going to try to meet up with one of our imaginary internet friends while we're there, so that should be fun!

I'm sure everyone knows about the horrific tornadoes in Oklahoma on Monday.

My in-laws' house is about a half mile from ground zero, as they're calling it.  They were blessed.  They lost utilities for a mere 24 hours, and had no damage.  

We actually both left work and went down there on Tuesday to try to remove them from their home, but while we were negotiating (it was pretty dramatic and stressful for a while there), the power and water came back on, and has not been interrupted since.

The mood through out the area is pretty strange.  This horrific storm has had a palpable effect on everyone, even for folks with no direct connection to the death and destruction.

My step son worked for that big horse farm that was all over the news.  They let him in to help with the clean up.  They had to bury 200 horses, so he said.  Devastating.

In other news, Annabel Lee is growing, Jack is tolerating her better, and it's finally raining in Oklahoma.

I have put out a few feelers for jobs, but nothing is coming through yet.

There's a dance show coming up in 2 weeks, on June 8.  We are having an extra rehearsal tonight because we are so far behind.

That seems to happen with this teacher a lot.  I like her, but it can get a little stressful when she misses classes at the beginning and then we have to scramble to make up for it.

Well, speaking of that, I'd better get changed and start putting something together for dinner.

5/16/78--35 years ago tonight

Uptown Theater

click this link to listen

I was 16.  It had a lot to do with me becoming who I am.

Kelsey Elisabeth

That was my fantasy daughter's name, way back when I was young, and naive, and thought I might have babies some day.

Back when I was 21, and had told my then-husband that I needed 5 years of marriage under my belt before I would consent to even consider reproducing.

And then he sunk so deep into his addictions during those first 5 years that I was never able to come to a point of being comfortable having his child.

Years passed, he got more and more wasted more and more often, I learned of incest in his family of origin....and the window of opportunity closed.

After the divorce, when he decided to hate me, he said I stole from him his only chance to be a father.

Okay. Well, ass hat, you stole from me my only chance to be a mother.

Because by the time I divorced him, I was past the age of safety.  I was almost 40.

30 years ago, at this time of the year in 1983, I was planning my first wedding.  This is probably why I am thinking of Kelsey again.

Yes, I sometimes think about Kelsey, and what she might have been like.

My fantasy was that she would have the red or auburn hair that runs on my Dad's side of the family (and in me and my sister and several of our cousins), and the blue eyes that my ex had, as well as both of my parents.

That she would be brilliant, like my parents, but earth-motherly, like me.  With infinite common sense, like my Grandma (my mom's mom--the only grandparent left by the time I was born), and able to work with tools, like her father.

That she would be stunningly beautiful, and graceful, and ambitious, and heart breakingly loving.  Her smile would be like sunlight, and her laugh, like music.

She exists nowhere but in my imagination, but sometimes.... sometimes.... I think of her.

And I pause.  And wonder.

How would my life have turned out if I had given birth?  Would I be happier?  Would I still be married to that person?

Would I feel more whole?  Or less worthy?

Would she have been all of those things I fantasized her to be, or none of them?   Would it have mattered?

And would I....could I... ever in a million years.... have been what she needed most?

Kelsey isn't saying.