I'm wearing my perfume

I'm wearing my perfume.

For some reason, things like perfume have always been things that I have "saved" to use once in a while, or on special occasions.

A silent tape in my head says that luxuries are not to be wasted or trifled away.

I think I learned that from my parents, who were formed by the depression.  They lived through a time of overwhelming national lack and loss, and it became part of them.

I am sure that they imparted some of that type of sensibility into their children.

But you know what?

Perfume goes bad.

It does!  If it sits for years, the scent changes, it goes stale.

It becomes something you throw away.

And what's the point of having something nice if I never use it?

What's the point of not living my life fully every day, no matter what?

I have already learned a big lesson in this dance with cancer.

I'm wearing my perfume.  On Saturdays.  When I am dressed in my sweats.

Because I love it, and it makes me feel good.

I'm using my expensive moisturizer.

I'm sleeping as much as I can (sometimes with the help of prescribed medication..and I am giving myself permission to say THAT'S OKAY).

I'm stretching, and exercising, and eating well, and drinking lots of water, and breathing, and crying if I need to.

I need to nurture myself, nourish myself, and cherish myself.

Not just now, AND NOT just because there's something unwelcome TEMPORARILY growing in my body... but always.

Because life is supposed to be lived.  Celebrated.  Enjoyed. Luxuriated - in.

It's a gift to use up before it goes stale....to experience, and wear with our sweats on Saturdays.

Happy Solstice...happy new chapter to all of my loved ones, blood and chosen.  May we all learn big lessons that improve our lives in the new year.