I slept better the first night than I did last time, too....Last time, I was pretty much up all night the first night, but that was probably mostly anxiety.
That strange paleness came and went like the first time. SO odd.
I'm also having some bleeding from my nose, but it's not a lot, it's just surface bleeding from the delicate tissue in my nostrils being irritated because of the high level of allergens in the air around here. I am always blowing my nose, and taking decongestants, and the inside of my nose gets irritated, and can't heal properly right now.
The only thing that has been more pronounced this time is the mouth issues. The losing of the sense of taste started right away, instead of waiting until the following day or two.
But using a dry mouth remedy mouth wash was recommended, and I cleared that with my doctor.
That seems to help a bit, as well as the rinse I make with baking soda and salt.
No mouth sores, just the inside of my mouth feeling kind of "rough," and the poor taste sense. And as of today, 9 days in, it's all going back to normal.
In this process, I have noticed that sweets are the only thing that taste normal, so I have allowed myself to indulge a bit. That kind of thing is not usually part of my diet at all. People bring donuts to work, and I shun them...but right now? Not so much.
That won't be a permanent change, because I know that foods like that cause inflammation, and I will go back to my health food queen ways when healthy food tastes good again, which will be in the next day or two.
I have to admit, though, it's been kind of fun to "eat like an American" for a few days!
My hair has thinned to the point where I can no longer go out in public without something on my head. What's left of my hair is limp, and wispy. It's very, very sad.
If there's one thing I NEVER thought I would look like, it's a little, old man. And I still have my boobs...what happens when those go away?
Sigh.
I've mastered the art of wrapping large, oblong scarves into cute turbans, and the girls at work chipped in and bought me some pretty pre-tied (with elastic) scarves. The elastic on those is uncomfortable, though, and I have to wear them above my ears, or they HURT! I wear them, though, because of what they mean.
Dave and I had our Valentine's Day date on Friday in order to avoid the Saturday night crowds. I wore my free wig from the American Cancer Society for our date.
The funny thing was, my level of "self consciousness" was higher in a wig than it has been in a scarf or cap. I think that's because, on some level, the wig is "fake."
It's a lie....
A scarf/turban says "Yeah, so I am bald, be glad I'm covering it up so you don't have to see it."
A wig says "I am trying to fake you out...."
Make sense?? It's not authentic (see my post from last spring about living my authenticity).
But, Dave said it looked pretty good, and, on some level, it was nice to go out and feel that I looked more "normal."
When I go out in scarves and hats, I've noticed that people actually LOOK at me. With the wig, I was invisible again.
It's probably just me noticing that they're looking at me, with the scarves.... which I never noticed before. It's coming from inside me, not from anyone else. But it's still a different perspective.
Anyway....be that as it may....
Tomorrow, I have my "mid-cycle" labs. 10 days after infusion, they want to draw blood to check my CBC for any abnormalities.
When I saw the doctor before treatment #2 he said my blood work was VERY good at the mid cycle and end of round #1.
He also said that I am making this process easy for everyone concerned.
I guess THAT is where my overall insanely good health is coming into play.
I keep being mystified about how someone can live like I have-- with a TOTAL focus on wellness, nutrition, fitness, and health for her WHOLE LIFE, only to get a stage 4 diagnosis out of the clear blue sky, right when everything in her life seemed to be lining up and going right.
Anyone who knows me has to admit that my life has been all about health. Period.
But, maybe this journey is the reason....maybe this is WHY I was drawn to and started studying herbal medicine, and healthy eating, and the whole natural health lifestyle, at the age of 17.
Let's hope it's so that I could be my doctor's miracle, and my own miracle.
Let's hope this process continues to go well, and that my overall good health prevails.
Because, for fuck's sake, I've got too much left to do, don't you know.
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