Round #4

I received my 4th round of Neoadjuvant chemotherapy on March 19th.

The nurse this time didn't bruise me like round #2, but he wasn't as smooth as my round #3 nurse.  It went fine, though.

We got lunch, and came home, and I made out the grocery list for Dave, and laid down to try to nap.

That didn't last long, because that was when my niece and her partner arrived!

That weekend, my mouth didn't start to act up as quickly as last time, so that was good.

We were busy all weekend, though, so I didn't get the usual amount of water intake (you may recall that I was coached before this all began to drink LOTS of water after treatment to flush out the chemo), or the usual amount of rest after a treatment.

I think as a result, this round hit me a bit harder.

This is now day ten, and over the past 10 days, I have needed to take anti-nausea medication at random times, my mouth got really bad, I have had virtually no appetite, and I've been so very tired.

I lost 6 pounds in a week.

But the night before last was finally Friday.  I got out of work early and got my usual blood draw, then we went out and did all of the errands, and were home by 6:30 with Wendy's for dinner (which actually tasted really good to me).

Exhausted, I was in bed by 9, and finally got some decent rest.

I didn't SLEEP that well (I tend to not be able to sleep when I am overtired....so weird), but I got some rest at last.

Yesterday, I felt completely recovered, thanks to those 10 hours of horizontal time, just letting my body be soft and relaxed.

So I think my increased negative response over this past week was from just doing way too much over last weekend immediately after treatment, not guzzling water those first 3 days, and not having any down time until the work week was over.

Anyway, this round, I have had only one of those weird chest pains (which the doctor never commented on), and I did not get the trachea pain like last time.

I did not get to see the doctor back on the 19th, because he was on vacation, but his nurse met with me, and took down my notes.  I mentioned that I had been having headaches along with my increased sinus issues/allergy symptoms, so she contacted the doctor while I was being infused.

They ordered a CT scan of my head, and wanted me to go ahead and get it that day, but Dave said no.  He was still refusing to tell me what my surprise was, so I just went along with him, and we scheduled the CT for Monday.

It came back clear, as I expected it to.  When the nurse called to tell me, I said I had hoped it would reveal a reason for my sinuses being so full, like a sinus infection that could be treated, but she said it did not, and then went on to say her allergies are worse than ever this year too.

SO, I just go on with my over the counter sinus remedies and wait for the irritants, whatever they are, to dissipate.

I got good sleep last night, and this morning, had a little hint of being hungry, so made a big batch of scrambled eggs with feta, and bacon on the side.  I couldn't eat all of mine, but I made a good effort!

The predicted fingernail discoloration has started, too. My nails are weird looking. Strange bands of white and color go across them.  Good thing there's nail polish.

I've been doing my nails, anyway.  I've been doing whatever I can to try to feel pretty, which has been a real challenge.

More make up, doing my nails, wearing non-allergenic earrings.

I haven't gotten the skin darkening that can happen.  Yet. Which is a good thing.

So.

The next step is a surgical consult on Tuesday.  I am hoping that we will schedule surgery at this time.  I am feeling a lot of anxiety about the impending surgery, but at the same time, I am kind of excited to get it over with so I can move on.

We had our first round of threatening weather this past week, with tornado warnings and a hail storm that dropped quarter sized to golf ball sized hail.  It took out my 2 blooming daffodils (I have dozens of daffs here and there, but only 2 plants ever seem to bloom), and put holes in the tulip leaves.  Also dinged Dave's car and Pop's car.  My car was under the car port, since it's the newest and most valuable.

There were a couple of tornadoes in the area. One was a couple of miles from our house, and one was down where Pop lives in Moore, OK.  That one did substantial damage to one neighborhood and a school.

Yesterday, Dave successfully took Pop's car out and sold it to a dealership, so it's not in our driveway anymore.

When he got home, we went out in search of a kitchen light fixture and some potting soil.  The tax refund project for this year is to get the kitchen re-wired and have that new fixture installed.

Then, in the afternoon, it got up to 77 degrees out.  Dave mowed the back 40, which was thick and overgrown already, and I re-potted some house plants (it was harder work than I anticipated it being...they really needed it), and checked the hot tub chemistry.

Inside, I did 4 loads of laundry, and a little cooking.  I still had energy and felt good when the sun went down.

It also seems that what is left of my hair has been growing, so I took Dave's clipper and buzzed my head again after it got dark out (I'm still self conscious about people seeing my mostly bald head).

Dave went out with some friends, and I stayed home and observed "Earth Hour" by going off line, and turning off all of the lights. I took a candlelight bath, and read my book in the tub. It was heavenly.

Today, after he does grocery shopping for Pop, Dave is going to mow out front, and dig me a patch in the back where I am going to plant some seeds for butterfly attracting plants.

I am going to sweep and mop, which didn't get done last weekend, and try to take it a little easier today than I did yesterday.

Hoping we will hit the hot tub tonight.

Wishing you, gentle reader, a lovely day.

So, this is why I didn't blog over the weekend (edited 3/29, added more pics!)

My niece and her sweetheart came to make a surprise visit the day of my 4th round of chemotherapy.  Dave was able to keep it a total secret, which is remarkable.  Colleen and Carrie stayed for 4 days.

I could not get blogger to post the below pictures in the order I wanted them to be in. Carrie TOOK almost all of the pictures, so she isn't in many of these.

 The first two below are reversed....sneaking in the door, and in position for the surprise.....

Even though she was back lit and holding a sign in front of her, and even though I was not wearing my glasses and was groggy from trying to nap, I recognized her instantly....

Then I fully realized....this was my surprise.

Love.

Carrie

Colleen

Friday morning while I was at work. Or possibly closer to noon.  Dave had to wake them up a couple of times, but I think it was Pete the cat who finally succeeded.

Sunday night, we ALL put on turbans

 The moment when the girls arrived.  Dave met them outside the house.

 Support.  Colleen and Dave's hands.

Sharing a moment.

Another Sunday Update

My mouth has improved vastly since adding back the baking soda/salt rinse.  I can taste again, and the uncomfortable area of tongue surface is getting smaller.

Win.

My ears are still doing fine, too, and a friend in Denmark sent me some pretty stainless steel wire earrings.

Feeling pretty good, mostly.  I know when to agree with my body that I am too tired to do something, like a morning work out, or a chore around the house, and I give myself permission to not do those things.

No guilt and move on.

My appetite has been okay, but is getting better. That also seems to last about 10 days.  I been able to force myself to eat anyway, even when I don't want to, and, last week anyway, even when food tastes horrible.

I am also grateful that I have not gotten sick with any of the infections going around the office OR in the way what everyone expects with going through chemotherapy.

My brother said at one point early on, when I was showing signs of being strong enough to get through this.... " you KNOW you're going to get sick, and you KNOW you're going to lose your hair, but you are the best suited of us to deal with it, because you have the right attitude."

After we hung up from that call, I collapsed in tears, admitting to myself that I did know those things, on some level, and thinking that I was deluding myself.....

but I am REALLY glad we were wrong about one part of that.

And I have always been pretty good at healthy self delusion!

Frankly, I was really afraid I'd be sick all of the time, and it's been a true blessing that this has not happened.  It is a fact that medical science has improved the process of chemotherapy in many ways.

I just wish they could have left me my hair.   They nurse said some people never lose their hair, but my hair dresser said that's like 3% of people undergoing chemo.  I was not in the lucky 3%.

Anyway,  once in a while, someone uses the word "sick" to describe me, and I adamantly correct them.

I AM NOT SICK.  I have abnormal cells that have spread through my body without my permission, and we are killing them as fast as we can, but I AM NOT SICK. I go to work every day, I work out, though less intensely than I once did, I do errands,  I do chores, I take walks when the weather is good, I cook and eat, I enjoy life as best I can. I AM NOT SICK.

I've been thinking of some of the silver linings of what I am currently experiencing, because that's one thing I need to do daily.

Aside from the fact that I am not sick, I also remind myself frequently that the chemotherapy is doing what it's supposed to do, and that cancer cells are dying each and every moment, whether I am thinking about it or not.

In addition to those basics, what I've come up with has to do with personal hygiene.

My morning ablutions take a LOT less time these days.

I don't have to trim or shave anything.  I don't have to shampoo and condition, or deep condition.  I don't have to blow dry.  I don't have to flat iron.

I am in and out of the bathroom in about 10 minutes most mornings now.

Don't get me wrong, I MISS MY GORGEOUS HAIR, but for the moment, it's kind of nice to not have to mess with it, and it's REALLY nice to not have to shave anything.

I am grateful that I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes.  They've thinned, but they're still there.

Truth be told, ALL of my "areas" with hair still have hair, but it is extremely thin and sparse.

Dave used his shaver/trimmer on my head to try to get my little wisps all about the same length.  I am still doing what the nurse said and NOT shaving my head.

I still feel like an ugly little old man a lot of the time, and that hurts (and will come to it's full realization when I no longer have my beautiful 34D breasts)....but sometimes, when I get a pretty scarf wrapped up in a turban style, and I do my make up, and I wear my new earrings, I can forget feeling that way for a while.

Oh, and no period came in February, for any of you keeping track.

I had a few days of cramps, but nothing else happened, so there's that, too. Could be menopause, could be chemo. No way to tell without doing a blood test, and I am having enough of those these days, thank you very much.

But that was a HUGE relief, not having to deal with my period again in the midst of everything else.

Everyone have a good Sunday.  What's left of it, anyway.  I'm trying a new recipe tonight.  What are you doing?

Edit to last post....

You know how I said my mouth wasn't as bad this time?

Well, forget that.  It just started later than last time.  And it's the worst yet.

Ugh.  This time, food actually tastes BAD, not just flavorless.  And my tongue looks like it's cracked.

SO, I have doubled up--- using the Biotene rinse AND the salt and baking soda rinse.

Today marks 7 days, and it's been lasting 10, so hopefully, by Monday, my mouth will be better.  Because this. Sucks.

Round #3

Round three chemotherapy was this past Thursday.

My nurse this time was REALLY good, and I didn't feel the needle at all.  SO , no dark bruises this time.

Visit with the doc was good, he continues to say I am doing well,  and that my labs look good.  He also gave me a scrip for more xanax, to help me with sleep and anxiety issues.

Dave took a few days off last week to use up some vacation time, so he was scheduled off for Friday, but since there was bad weather in the forecast, we decided to go ahead and get all of our errands done right after the treatment on Thursday.

I felt fine after treatment, so I was down with that plan.  It was really cold out, but I had my hat with the ears, and my down ski jacket.

It was crazy out there!   LOTS of people apparently took off Thursday afternoon to go get groceries, because it was busy everywhere we went.

Getting everything done on Thursday was a good plan, though, if the weather turned as bad as they were thinking it might.  That way, Dave would not have to go out and get groceries while I was at work on Friday.

I was worried that I wouldn't feel well enough to work on Friday (unwarranted, just worrying--to the point of not being able to sleep Thursday night), but I actually felt GREAT.  It was like the treatment restored some of my energy and feeling of wellness.

The weather didn't turn to shit on Friday, after all, and Dave got out to pick up my prescription and run another errand.

It snowed a little (I'd say about an inch), and was pretty well frozen and a bit slick out by 5, but I had no real issues getting home from work, and then we had this lovely weekend to spend at home, with NO need to go out for anything!

It did snow a few inches on Saturday, and I got to go out and shovel a bit, and cleaned off my car. I love how quiet it gets outside when it snows. We have a pair of cardinals in our back yard every day lately, too.  They looked so pretty against the white background.

They say cardinals are the spirits of deceased loved ones watching over us. Maybe these are my mom and dad, keeping an eye on me??

Anyway, don't be upset with Dave for not doing the shoveling!!!   He was basically just humoring me, letting me get outside a bit, get some exercise, and play in the snow.  I was VERY well bundled up, wearing two layers, sturdy snow boots, insulated gloves, and a hat and scarf under my hood.

He would have preferred that I had NOT done it, but I felt pretty good, so why not???....and I miss winter!

After the pretty snow, it drizzled and sleeted for several hours and coated everything with a thin layer of ice.

It was, as a result, VERY good that we had nowhere we had to go.  Some friends has invited us over to see their new house, but we canceled that in advance, based on the forecast.

Today, the news says that the main roads are pretty clear.  Our street is a sheet of ice, so getting out of our neighborhood to get to work in the morning could be interesting.

Got lots of chores done yesterday and still ongoing today, but I'm not quite feeling as good as I was on Friday, or Saturday morning.  A bit more tired.

The good thing is that my mouth isn't as bad as last time, so far, and I can still taste some stuff!  Oh, and my ear piercings are completely healed and I can get earrings into all of them.

I'm having an odd sensation--kind of an "ache"-- in my trachea.  It's when I take a deep breath, or yawn, or change body positions (like bending down to sweep stuff into the dust pan, or going from upright to lying down).  Just in the throat area.  It's very weird.  Ibuprofen seems to decrease it, and it's not as pronounced today as it was Friday night into yesterday.

It's on my list of questions for next time.

And now, I am off to the kitchen to bake a batch of Welshcakes...It's St. David's Day, after all.  If I still lived in Chicagoland, this is when I would start listening for migrating sand hill cranes.

My daffodils have bloomed in Oklahoma by St. David's day on a few occasions, but not this year. This year, their green shoots are now frozen and covered in ice.  I hope they recover in time to bloom when things warm up again.