My mouth has improved vastly since adding back the baking soda/salt rinse. I can taste again, and the uncomfortable area of tongue surface is getting smaller.
Win.
My ears are still doing fine, too, and a friend in Denmark sent me some pretty stainless steel wire earrings.
Feeling pretty good, mostly. I know when to agree with my body that I am too tired to do something, like a morning work out, or a chore around the house, and I give myself permission to not do those things.
No guilt and move on.
My appetite has been okay, but is getting better. That also seems to last about 10 days. I been able to force myself to eat anyway, even when I don't want to, and, last week anyway, even when food tastes horrible.
I am also grateful that I have not gotten sick with any of the infections going around the office OR in the way what everyone expects with going through chemotherapy.
My brother said at one point early on, when I was showing signs of being strong enough to get through this.... " you KNOW you're going to get sick, and you KNOW you're going to lose your hair, but you are the best suited of us to deal with it, because you have the right attitude."
After we hung up from that call, I collapsed in tears, admitting to myself that I did know those things, on some level, and thinking that I was deluding myself.....
but I am REALLY glad we were wrong about one part of that.
And I have always been pretty good at healthy self delusion!
Frankly, I was really afraid I'd be sick all of the time, and it's been a true blessing that this has not happened. It is a fact that medical science has improved the process of chemotherapy in many ways.
I just wish they could have left me my hair. They nurse said some people never lose their hair, but my hair dresser said that's like 3% of people undergoing chemo. I was not in the lucky 3%.
Anyway, once in a while, someone uses the word "sick" to describe me, and I adamantly correct them.
I AM NOT SICK. I have abnormal cells that have spread through my body without my permission, and we are killing them as fast as we can, but I AM NOT SICK. I go to work every day, I work out, though less intensely than I once did, I do errands, I do chores, I take walks when the weather is good, I cook and eat, I enjoy life as best I can. I AM NOT SICK.
I've been thinking of some of the silver linings of what I am currently experiencing, because that's one thing I need to do daily.
Aside from the fact that I am not sick, I also remind myself frequently that the chemotherapy is doing what it's supposed to do, and that cancer cells are dying each and every moment, whether I am thinking about it or not.
In addition to those basics, what I've come up with has to do with personal hygiene.
My morning ablutions take a LOT less time these days.
I don't have to trim or shave anything. I don't have to shampoo and condition, or deep condition. I don't have to blow dry. I don't have to flat iron.
I am in and out of the bathroom in about 10 minutes most mornings now.
Don't get me wrong, I MISS MY GORGEOUS HAIR, but for the moment, it's kind of nice to not have to mess with it, and it's REALLY nice to not have to shave anything.
I am grateful that I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes. They've thinned, but they're still there.
Truth be told, ALL of my "areas" with hair still have hair, but it is extremely thin and sparse.
Dave used his shaver/trimmer on my head to try to get my little wisps all about the same length. I am still doing what the nurse said and NOT shaving my head.
I still feel like an ugly little old man a lot of the time, and that hurts (and will come to it's full realization when I no longer have my beautiful 34D breasts)....but sometimes, when I get a pretty scarf wrapped up in a turban style, and I do my make up, and I wear my new earrings, I can forget feeling that way for a while.
Oh, and no period came in February, for any of you keeping track.
I had a few days of cramps, but nothing else happened, so there's that, too. Could be menopause, could be chemo. No way to tell without doing a blood test, and I am having enough of those these days, thank you very much.
But that was a HUGE relief, not having to deal with my period again in the midst of everything else.
Everyone have a good Sunday. What's left of it, anyway. I'm trying a new recipe tonight. What are you doing?
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