For some reason, none of the nurses suggested that I suck on ice during my treatment to decrease mouth issues with this chemo drug until this treatment on Friday.
We did that routinely with the Adriamycin, but despite my previous comments at treatment about having mouth issues over the past 8 sessions with the Abraxane, no one suggested it until the next to last treatment.
I thought it was just an adria thing, so I didn't know to ask.
I hope it works, because the mouth issues have been really aggravating.
Still have enough hair to hide most of my scalp. Yay!
In other news: I recently severed all Face Book ties with everyone at work.
I've always thought it was weird to be Face Book friends with all of my co-workers, but it is part of the office culture.
They started sending me friend requests within a week or so of my coming on staff in 2013. Once one of them talked me into it (I was new, and went along with it so as not to "rock the boat"), they all had an "in," past my tight security settings, and that was that.
As a result, for almost three years, I have believed that I have had to be very careful about what I post, and what I share about myself, on Face Book.
Well, the other day, I unfriended and blocked everyone at work. I no longer care if I rock the boat a little, and this rocks it VERY little, I assure you.
I see them every day. I spend more time with them than I do with my husband.
If they want to know how I feel, they can ask me.
If they have a recipe for me, they can email it to me at work. Whatever. Like I said....I see them every day, there is NO NEED for us to be connected on Face Book.
(I believe now that the "need" is for them all to spy on each other!)
Plus? That means no more hiding on my own little piece of the innernets.
What brought this on was an encounter I had with a new co worker at the office a little while ago.
She was brought in as a temp in December, and on her first day, she approached me and asked "Are you a Christian? Because I am...."
"Oh, here we go," I thought....
I told her my usual answer: "I was raised Episcopalian."
Of course, she had NO idea what that was. (eye roll)
Anyway, over the first several weeks of her temping in our office, she and I started to become friends, or so I thought.
She asked me to keep confidences about her past as a drug addict, and she even bought me a couple of gifts, and shared her girl scout cookies with me. We talked about make up, and girly stuff, and we talked about meaningful stuff.
She managed to extract from me that I am not Christian, and she claimed to be fine with that, and declared that she has friends who are Wiccan (which I am not).
But then, one day, out of the blue, she said "I don't want to get too close to you, because you might die from your cancer."
Or words to that direct effect, anyway.
I had ALL KINDS of stuff go through my head in that moment, but all I could do was stare at her.
What passed through my mind was:
You could get hit by a bus, but that doesn't mean I don't want to get too close to you!
First of all, I was fighting this fucking war for a full year before I ever met you. Do you have ANY idea how strong I am, all I have been through without batting an eye, and how UNLIKELY I am to DIE from this shit?
Second of all, on the first day we met, you introduced yourself by saying "are you a Christian, because I AM!"
Really?
REALLY??
You're so proud of your title as "Christian" that you LEAD with it, but you can't even live up to the main rule of being a true Christian?
Third of all.... WHAT? Did you just say that TO MY FACE? And you claim to have been a nurse?
You must not have been a very good one, and that's why you work in an office taking phone calls now.
Nothing came out of my mouth, though.
I just stared at her. I might have had a momentary expression of shock flicker across my face, I don't remember.
And I let it go to my back burner for a while. To stew.
But yesterday, I needed to bring it to a boil, and pour it out.
Time to purge this, too, I decided.
I posted about it on Face Book (after the work purge) and asked my community for advice.
I got lots of good advice, and the prevailing commentary stream was to steer clear from her from now on.
I've been continuing to be kind to her, to smile and say hello, but for the most part, that's it. The steering clear started the moment she said that to me. How could it not? She asked for it, and I complied.
I've been avoiding using the lunch room whenever I can, so that I decrease my chances of encountering her in there. Thankfully, I think she has been assigned the 1:00 lunch time slot, which is when my lunch time ends, so lunch won't be an issue any more.
She may actually have ASKED for the 1:00 slot so that SHE can avoid ME. Be that as it may, it works out for both of us.
The other morning, she didn't even return my hello, so it could be that this weirdness is almost over.
Unfortunately, we work in the same room, in a small office, so there will need to be ongoing contact, but I can be fine with just letting her be her two faced train wreck self, and keep her off my radar while maintaining polite office peace.
Another strong line in the commentary on Face Book was to tell her supervisor that it happened, even though it was several weeks ago, and this person has now been hired on permanently.
Not really for any other purpose than to make the supervisor aware of what kind of person this new employee really is behind her smiling, false-Christian facade.
One last thing people warned against was that she might "try something," now that I am not her work BFF anymore, and because she is clearly an odd nut.
I know something about her that she doesn't want anyone to know, though.
So, chances are very slim that she will go out of her way to try to do anything against me.
She may think that she has something to use against me, too, but I will touch on that here in a bit.
One of my Face Book friends said "SOCIOPATH!" I now can kind of see that.
Sigh.....
I can't let it make my presence at work become any more uncomfortable than it already is, though, so I really am pouring it out. I wanted advice, and I am considering all of it. Then, I will let it go. 100%.
Breaking all social media ties with that culture is a BIG step in the right direction.
Meantime, I am becoming friends with a DIFFERENT co worker outside of work. He took me to the mall yesterday, to visit the really expensive skin care counter. He had chatted me up about it, and promised that he knew how to help me get some free stuff.
It was fun! He's FLAMINGLY gay, and totally out, and he is part of my inspiration for finally letting go of hiding who I am.
I've been pretty shielded since moving down here, and it's been difficult, because one of the goals I have talked about here in my blog on occasion has to do with being and living as my AUTHENTIC SELF.
Having to hide on Face Book has been in direct opposition to that goal! Having to hide who I am spiritually at work is also in direct opposition to that goal, but that's ever so slightly risky in Bible Central.
Lately, I've started wearing a pentacle pendant again, OUTSIDE of my clothing. It feels right, and I dare anyone to say anything. Legally, no one can do anything anyway...but people are sneaky.
I am pretty sure everyone there knows me well, and loves me for who I am, though, and it may come as no surprise at this point that I am not the same religion as they are.
One co worker was bold enough to pick my pendants up off of my chest and look at them the other day (I wear the pentacle with one that is a medallion that reads "Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath, fire my spirit"). She laid them gently back against my chest and did not say a word.
SO...since I am stepping out of the broom closet myself anyway, if new girl thinks she "has something" to use against me (my status as a non-Christian), well.... she doesn't.
ANYWAY.... we did yard work yesterday (mostly Dave did yard work with a rented chain saw) to finally start to get the big work cleaned up from the Thanksgiving ice storm.
Our poor willow tree got her broken branches cut out, and the pecan tree limbs in the back are now chopped into pieces that can be laid out at the curb for pick up.
We'll finish the cutting and dragging today, probably.
I am also going to cook more food for Pop. He seems to be eating what I send to him, so that's good.
Happy Palm Sunday to those who celebrate! It's Ostara on the Pagan calendar, so happy Ostara to me!
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