It's a jungle out there....

It's been raining off and on, and that grass just keeps growing!

This past week, I had my annual Well Woman exam.  I should get the full panel blood test results in a couple of weeks.

Yes, weeks.  The PA who did my exam said the clinic I go to had lost their original lab company, and was breaking in a new one.

Anyway, it should be interesting to see if the results still show issues with blood sugar.  Last year, they wanted me to start on diabetes medication, but my oncologist nixed that, saying that the steroids I received with every treatment were the cause of the blood sugar reading being off.

Then, on Thursday of this past week, I had my monthly Xgeva injection.

No appointments now until my next injection on August 25th, and I will check in with the oncologist that visit, too.  He's letting me go down to seeing him every other time.

Next scan is October, and that will determine if I can get the port removed, or if I need more chemo because of undesirable changes.

I am trying not to be anxious about that possibility.  If nothing has changed since the scan in December, why would it change now, with or without chemo?

It's cool enough this morning that we are getting the mowing done.  I've already cooked breakfast, and Dave is out doing the front yard now.  I will do what I can in the back while he runs some frozen food I cooked for Pop down to Pop.

If I get overheated, I will stop, and he will finish it later.

We are planning to go to an actual movie theater this afternoon for the new Star Trek film.

I has TWO clients yesterday!  One for massage therapy, and one for Reiki.  It felt SO GOOD to work as a healer yesterday!

I am going to let my certifications expire this year, because I don't see enough clients anymore to justify the expense of renewal.  ALSO, the National Certification program ENDS when my certificate expires on December 31st at midnight.

My only option is to let it expire, or pursue Board Certified status, and it's just not worth it to me.

I had a 25 year long career.  That's saying something.

Maybe some day, I can find a program to get certified as a natural health coach or something....taking into consideration all of my experience as a massage therapist, all of my years of study of nutrition, and my herbal medicine training.

I tried to start a business like that a couple of decades ago, but I was afraid of being charged with practicing medicine without a license.  I did promote it, and got ONE client.  There was no interest back then.

I think there is now.

In addition, there is no renewal process for Reiki certification.  I will always be a Reiki Master, so I will continue to do Reiki.

I am sure I will continue to do massage on friends. No reason why I can't.

Alright, I am off to get dressed for mowing.  No matter how hot it is, I need to cover up so I don't get bug bites.  I also wrap a bandana around my head because I sweat so much!

Have a good Sunday!

What to do with this new life....

Of course, I have no idea how long it will last.

NO one does.

But when I was diagnosed back at the end of 2014/beginning of 2015, I was told to expect 5 years more of life, according to the statistics.

(Dave made the mistake of asking "what's the prognosis" while I was sitting right there, and the doctor said a max of 5 years.

I can't UN HEAR that. Ever.)

I don't know if the doc remembers that, or if he would change his answer now, seeing my phenomenal response to chemo, and now taking into consideration my overall excellent health, which he did not KNOW about when he gave the 5 year expiration date.

But it is what it is.

I will be honest with you.  When I was diagnosed and told I had about 5 years left, it was, in many ways, a relief.

This world just keeps getting uglier and scarier, and I thought, deep in my heart, that death would be a welcome respite from what is going on all around us.

During my year and a half or so of treatment, this world just kept getting worse.

I have a very tender heart, and the hate, and murder, and fear mongering hurts, almost physically.

Getting out of the cycle of human implosion would be a blessing.

That being said, the majority of my anxiety after my diagnosis was about treatment and what it would bring.

I was at peace with the death idea....just not the suffering that would likely come during my time as a cancer patient.

Never the less, I decided to fight, and deal with what would possibly be a lot of illness and lost wages, and see what happened.

After all, the doc said that a small percentage of stage 4 patients survive.

It could happen.  But if it didn't, I was okay with that.

And then, I had a remarkably good response to chemo, with no real illness during the process, and now it looks as though I might be here for a while longer than anticipated.

I am still hoping that I am among the small percentage of stage 4 cancer patients who survive indefinitely.

But if I am.....

Well, then what?

My question is... why was I spared, to continue on in this world?

What do I do with this new life?

... a normal week

There's really nothing to say this week.

Except how nice it is to have just had a... normal week.  Work, eat, sleep, repeat.

We got the housework and yard work caught up this weekend that we didn't get to do last weekend.  I still have some cooking and washing to do, but today should be low key.

Dave is delivering the food I made yesterday for his dad, and he will get additional groceries for him, too.

That's really about it.

I have a full email box that I really need to clean out.  Maybe I'll do that during the rinse cycle.

Here's to boring routine!

A little weekend away

We got a Bed and Breakfast reservation, and went to the south eastern corner of Oklahoma for the weekend. We celebrated our 8th anniversary, which is coming up on Tuesday, and we also celebrated the hopeful news of my last scan.

It was wonderful.  I had no idea there was anything this beautiful in freaking Oklahoma.

Moving on....

SO... the scan showed that everything is stable.  NO changes to the extant metastases in the absence of chemotherapy.

Time to move on.

Back to living life, and doing so with a little less worry in the back of my mind.

What are you all doing for the US holiday weekend?

We stayed in yesterday and got projects and chores done around the house.  

We also drank two pitchers of mojitos, listened to lots of loud music, and spent 2 hours in the hot tub at the end of the day (we keep it set low for hot weather).  I spent an hour coloring as I sipped my  last mojito before dinner.

Yesterday was a perfect experience of starting to decompress from the anxiety of the past 3 months.  We got up early, thanks to Pete the cat, and enjoyed every hour of NOT being at work.

Today, we got a bit later of a start, and we've got an errand to run, and a visit to Dave's dad.  Nothing else is planned, so hopefully, the guitars will get dusted off.

Tomorrow, we have a couple of invitations to pool parties, but would prefer to just lay low and continue the decompression process.  

Having to get up early for work the next day takes the fun out of maybe going out in search of fire works, so we probably won't do that.

Dave took last Friday off, to relax after the stress and anxiety of Thursday, but I couldn't, so he's got an extra day under his belt of relaxing and breathing.

The not knowing what was going on without chemo was difficult for him, too.

Anyway, my co workers decorated my desk and got a cake for me.  That was very sweet.

I made REALLY yummy breakfast burritos this morning, and we had ripe, juicy mango for dessert.  Off to the showers.

Whatever you're doing this weekend, do it with joy!