What to do with this new life....

Of course, I have no idea how long it will last.

NO one does.

But when I was diagnosed back at the end of 2014/beginning of 2015, I was told to expect 5 years more of life, according to the statistics.

(Dave made the mistake of asking "what's the prognosis" while I was sitting right there, and the doctor said a max of 5 years.

I can't UN HEAR that. Ever.)

I don't know if the doc remembers that, or if he would change his answer now, seeing my phenomenal response to chemo, and now taking into consideration my overall excellent health, which he did not KNOW about when he gave the 5 year expiration date.

But it is what it is.

I will be honest with you.  When I was diagnosed and told I had about 5 years left, it was, in many ways, a relief.

This world just keeps getting uglier and scarier, and I thought, deep in my heart, that death would be a welcome respite from what is going on all around us.

During my year and a half or so of treatment, this world just kept getting worse.

I have a very tender heart, and the hate, and murder, and fear mongering hurts, almost physically.

Getting out of the cycle of human implosion would be a blessing.

That being said, the majority of my anxiety after my diagnosis was about treatment and what it would bring.

I was at peace with the death idea....just not the suffering that would likely come during my time as a cancer patient.

Never the less, I decided to fight, and deal with what would possibly be a lot of illness and lost wages, and see what happened.

After all, the doc said that a small percentage of stage 4 patients survive.

It could happen.  But if it didn't, I was okay with that.

And then, I had a remarkably good response to chemo, with no real illness during the process, and now it looks as though I might be here for a while longer than anticipated.

I am still hoping that I am among the small percentage of stage 4 cancer patients who survive indefinitely.

But if I am.....

Well, then what?

My question is... why was I spared, to continue on in this world?

What do I do with this new life?