It's been 6 months since my last scans, and it's been 2 years since my last scan with bad news.
(That troubling scan was after 6 months without chemo.)
I started on the Ibrance treatment (the chemo pill) after the scan two years ago.
The Ibrance had worked it's wonders by the scan after that, but they kept me on the medication for an additional year, until my tolerance for constant mouth sores, and other side effects, had worn out.
My anxiety level is moderate regarding next week's scans. This surprises me, because of the result 2 years ago after a break from chemo. I would think I'd be flipping out....but maybe that will come as Thursday approaches. Ha!
In the 6 months since I stopped chemo again, I have enjoyed feeling much more "normal," and this has been a blessing.
The hormone blocker still causes me to have pain and stiffness, but the hot flashes have moderated in these 6 months, which I really appreciate.
I've developed a calcium deposit or something on my right achilles tendon/ heel bone. It hasn't been painful or a problem, but I've been wearing sandals all summer. It's also been gradually getting larger.
Now that I have to put shoes on again with the cooler weather, I am going to have to go to a podiatrist to have it looked at. It's big enough, and sticks out of the back of my heel, so that shoes are uncomfortable, and I'm getting a painful callus next to the bump after wearing shoes three days this past week.
This distresses me a bit, because I foresee the potential for surgery, recovery from which could eat up all of my saved up vacation time for us to go to Wales.
We'll see. I don't really have a choice about it, as it must be addressed now.
My thought is that it's a side effect of the Xgeva injections which I get once a month. Since that's a bone builder, that is the logical culprit.
A couple of months ago, I got some CBD oil. It really seemed to help with the insomnia, as well as the pain from the hormone blocker, and it seemed to work very quickly.
It was $40, though, and it only lasted a week, so I didn't get any more.
Well, I got to thinking about it, and it had worked so well, that I decided to shop around a bit. I found a different brand that was also $40 but you use half as much, so I am back to using CBD oil.
Hopefully, I will be able to stick with it for longer this time, since it is more affordable.
Oklahoma passed medical marijuana this year, and there are CBD shops and cannabis dispensaries popping up all over town, so the market should improve even more with increased competition.
CBD oil has been legal for a while, though. Those shops have been popping up in advance of being able to convert to CBD/cannabis dispensaries.
It's cool to see green crosses all over town, even at the big chain pharmacies!
Maybe recreational cannabis will be legalized, too. The states that have passed that are making billions of dollars!!
Our neighbors to the east have started a new business growing medical marijuana, now that it's legal. They have a big set up in a warehouse, and are getting financial backers to chip in. I wish them all the luck!!
Maybe my next job will be in this new industry somehow.... I keep thinking that something different will come my way, but I can't make the leap until we get our Wales trip solidified.
Today is going to be busy. Dave has to go check on Pop, and he has several chores to do, and I have cooking projects to do, and we have friends coming later to go out to a show with us.
We don't usually go out on work nights, but we really wanted to see this act, so we are just going to be tired in the morning!
OH, and about last week's dance show.... I had been going to class, and practicing and preparing, for 6 months, and Dave told me on the Thursday night before the show that he didn't want to be there.
My heart was BROKEN. I knew that he was often uncomfortable sitting out there in the audience, and I knew that he doesn't really like the music, but he has always overcome his discomfort to be there for me.
He's even come late to just be there for the set I danced in.....avoiding having to sit there the whole time.
But, this time, for some reason, he backed out entirely at almost the last minute.
I felt devastated. It felt to me like the withdrawal of his support of this thing that gives me joy, as well as something to do socially with other women.
I had purposely NOT gotten tickets to go to the Friday night event prior to the big day on Saturday, because I didn't want to overwhelm him. I had also made arrangements for our friend Julie to come and sit with him at the show on Saturday.
SO, needless to say, I was pretty deeply depressed all day Friday, and then Saturday (show day), it was really weird and uncomfortable to be getting ready, knowing that he was going to drive me to the venue and leave.
I contacted Julie, and made arrangements to get a ride home with her, so that Dave didn't have to drive all the way back to the venue to pick me up after.
Coming home with Julie also meant that I had to miss the rest of the show after my class performed, and I had to miss the after party, because Julie takes care of her elderly mother, and had to leave after I danced.
However, I was so angry and hurt that I didn't really care much, and I wanted to remove Dave from the process as much as he seemed to want.
I was also so distracted by how I felt about it that I messed up the dance in two places after practicing it perfectly dozens of times.
Anyway, I was so upset that I couldn't talk to him about it until Sunday night.
He somehow hadn't anticipated that it would be THAT big of a deal to me, and he apologized sincerely and extensively.
I told him that I was preparing myself for him to never see me dance again, and I explained to him that I dance every 6 months, and I get scans every 6 months....and there is always a chance that each performance could be my last.
Of course, that's true of anyone, but for a cancer patient, it's a little different "view."
He hadn't seen it that way, but now he understands why I do.
This was probably the worst thing we have gone through as a couple in 10 years of marriage, so, in retrospect, that's pretty good!
We're okay now, and, provided my scans are good, and I can keep dancing, when it's show time in 6 months, we will communicate differently about his participation or non participation!
Have a good Sunday, whoever is out there reading this!
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