Words fail

Cathy died.

We don't know anything specific, which was most likely her wish.  Just that she passed overnight on Tuesday.

Given that she had been on hospice care, I am sure that her passing was gentle, and free from suffering. That's what hospice nurses do.

There is to be no memorial, and there will be no obituary.  She will be cremated, and Mike will take her ashes to a few specific places, to scatter them. 

The grief is hitting me and Dave differently, of course. 

You know from my previous posts about her that she and Mike were among my best friends when they lived in Illinois. 

Dave's relationship with them has been no less important in his life, and Dave's heart is just as broken as mine, though he is processing it differently.

Also bear in mind that Cathy introduced us, and married us.

SO yeah. It's been a rough few days at Dragons' Roost, as we anticipated.

What I didn't anticipate was my anger.  

I am just.... so very angry that she went through so much suffering before she began hospice care, and that this process was so agonizing for her, and for Mike, I have no doubt.

They were unlike any other couple I have ever known.  SO fully connected, in love until the end (and into eternity), and devoted to one another, body, mind, and soul.

Their level of intimacy was astonishing.  They were completely woven together in every way.

I can't even begin to imagine how Mike is coping with this tragic loss.

But Cathy.... Cathy's remarkable ability to run into the fire... to go wherever there was a need for care, support, and presence.... is why I am angry.

Why her?  Why this? Why were we given so little time to say good bye?

She SO did not deserve to die this young, and to go through so much pain and suffering.  

I mean, who does.....but still.... she was different.... truly.  She gave of herself without hesitation, and without keeping score. To SO MANY people....

She was SO greatly loved, and she loved all of her friends and family so utterly fiercely. 

At the end, for her to be unable to cook or eat....two of her lifetime passions....and to basically waste away. 

It's all just an injustice that I cannot fathom, nor reconcile. 

I never will.

Hug your friends.  Tell them you love them... do it. 

Cathy, Blue Heron Druid, Auntie Ca, The Universe.... bright journeys, and peaceful rest.