Four. Days.

 In four days, when I walk away from the office, I will do so with my head held high, and my middle fingers raised.

I am retiring on good terms, but there have been many, many reasons over the years to feel this level of mixed emotions.

My original management team tried, DILIGENTLY, for years, to get me to quit. 

This was after a bit of a kerfuffle involving the Director (my direct boss), and a form that she filled out and had ME fax.  

The VP called me on the carpet, because this form STOPPED all payments from Medicare for weeks. THAT was a MAJOR problem!  

The Director had COMPLETELY misunderstood the VP when she was given the form, and came to me saying it had to be sent "yesterday," and that it was extremely urgent.

When questioned, I was honest, and said that the Director had filled it out, because I had no idea what it had meant, and that all I did was co-sign and fax it.  I had to co-sign it, due to my position at that time, but I had literally nothing else to do with the information, and the boxes she checked, on the form.

Since there was absolutely no reason to fire me (my work was, and still is, impeccable), and I was protected by FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), from that point on, the Director and the VP did their best to make me as miserable as possible.

From taking away my title (I was the Director's Assistant and Project Manager) and my status...

...To taking away my paid time off hours that I had already used, leaving me with a deficit....so that I had to go unpaid for chemo for several rounds, and I had to stay and work during blizzards and ice storms because I needed to be paid.  EVERYONE else in the building was gone, during one of those storms, but I had to stay and work, and dig my car out by myself while in fucking chemo.

Aside: The time deficit was AFTER the CEO allowed my co-workers to donate their paid time off hours to me, so that I would need not ever go without pay as a full time employee.  Then the VP reversed that, and took them away, AFTER I had used them. She assured me that this was legal.  I have no doubt she covered her ass.

Then, they gave a promotion to someone with absolutely no experience in management and training, when I had been an operations manager and trainer at my medical billing job in Illinois for eight years.

BUT, despite all of this, they were not able to convince me that leaving was a good idea.   

I knew that finding a job, as a person with stage IV cancer, in active treatment, would be virtually impossible.  I knew that any new job would require me to work for eighteen months before qualifying for FMLA again, so that I ran the risk of losing that job for absenteeism.

There were no choices.... I had to stay.

Then, a few years ago, the Director got cancer and died, and, a couple of years after that, after we moved to the new building, the rest of the billing management team all left at once-led by that same VP- trying their best to put us out of business, and take over the local "market" by joining the competition.

That didn't work, either.  

I was instrumental in keeping our business office running, and the cash flowing, though I have never, ever been acknowledged for that. 

The person who got my promotion before was promoted again, and is now my supervisor.  She has learned a LOT, and has grown so much, and I am now SO glad that I did not end up in her position.

There have been many difficult times with her, as well.  Extremely difficult.... but she was also not able to get me to quit, and has now changed her views on my performance to where they should have been all along.

I won't go into detail, but it was all based on her ASSUMING that she knew my job, when she absolutely had NO clue at all.  I am sure there are ample examples in my previous posts!

In the past couple of years, we have gotten a new Director, a hands-OFF Manager (I often forget to include her in emails because she doesn't speak to anyone and doesn't often come out of her office), and my office bestie is the Team Lead.  The management team is bigger than it used to be, but it seems to be going okay.  

Things have been going really well, and, from what I have heard, that other company is floundering.

People who left us to go there with the former VP have now left there, and our company still provides the best service, and the most efficient billing/revenue cycle for ambulance service, in the state.

The only really bad thing lately was when the upper management changed our PTO policy back in March, and took away 75% of the office staff's paid time off hours. 

That was my absolute last straw.... it was at that point when I really started to consider retiring, biding my time to see how Dave's income would settle out.

My soon to be former job duties are being spread out between two departments, and several people, and I have one more big thing to train people on during my last day.  My job will not be re-filled.

SO... all of that being said.... after I clock out on Thursday, I will feel a great deal of weight lifted from my spirit. This has been a very hard row to hoe.

I was personally hired by the former/late Director in July of 2013 (the 29th was my first day), and I was diagnosed in December of 2014, beginning chemo in January of 2015.

Working full time, for ten years and seven months, while in almost constant treatment for cancer, has been necessary, but utterly unfair (I know, life isn't fair) and exhausting in so many ways.

I can now leave that all behind, and LIVE MY LIFE. 

For that, I am extremely grateful. For Dave's successful retirement, I am extremely grateful.

We will be okay with my meager retirement income, because his income doesn't need me to bring in my full time pay anymore.

We will be fine.... so OFF I GO!  

Have a great week!

ADDENDUM:  OH!  I forgot to say that my oncology nurse called on Monday, and my doctor has me back on big guns steroids due to the "glassy opacities" that showed in my chest CT.  I am on hold for chemo for two treatments, and will have a follow up CT in three weeks.

In the interim, I will get a chest xray around the 6th of August (xrays are done on walk in basis).  I just need to check in to see if they still want me to go for the bone treatment I get every 6 weeks.

All's as well as can be expected.....

 Pete's ultrasound showed NO signs of cancer.

He also hasn't thrown up since last Saturday, with no trace of steroids in his system. It's as though he has mysteriously recovered from his months-long mystery illness JUST after we shelled out the $750 for this test.

Be that as it may, we are SO glad he seems to be well without medication!

I had my testing done on schedule on Wednesday.  No phone calls from the clinic = everything must be okay.

I see the P.A. on Tuesday, and if we are good to go ahead, my usual treatment will be on Thursday.

I did notice the word cirrhosis in my CT results.... I wonder if that's an effect of the chemo, because, while I DO consume alcohol, I don't drink THAT MUCH!

Now, I am drinking even less, so we will see what happens.

My dental cleaning and exam went fine, too.

I successfully gave my notice at work on Thursday.  I got nice, respectful emails from the Director and the Manager, but NOT ONE WORD from my direct supervisor.  

She said NOTHING to me that day (when we were all in the office), or the next.

Whatever.

We got our new freezer on Thursday, but it came so late in the day that we had to re-schedule our meeting with my financial guy.  We will see him tomorrow after I get off work.

Need to get the ball rolling to convert the investment account my dad left to me into an income-generating IRA.

My raise has come through at work, so now I am just waiting on the contribution from my employer into my retirement account.

When I submitted my retirement notice, I asked if I would be paid for un-used time off hours.  The answer was YES.

I also asked if I can just bring my work desktop and phone to the office myself on my last day, rather than having the I/T guy come out to the house.  The answer was YES.

So...that all sounds great to me!

My main source of anxiety right now is not knowing what my income stream will be, or when it will start.

Fortunately, Dave's is more than adequate, and we will be FINE until mine starts to flow. Especially if I have a really big last pay check from work.

My sister and brother in law called yesterday, and they said that my social security ought to start by the end of August.  I am anticipating a letter in the mail, since I called them over a week ago to give them my retirement date.

My brother had his second cataract surgery this past week, and all went well. Better than the first one, from what my brother in law reported.

Last Monday, the lawn clean up happened on time, and they dragged everything (mostly unwanted/poorly located saplings) to the curb, where it was successfully picked up on "bulky trash day" Wednesday.  That was another pile of money out the door, too, HAHA!  We used the proceeds from selling the telescope to pay for half of it, so that helped.

Then, our mowing service came on Friday.... so everything looks really nice right now.  

The only down side is that the crew we hired for the clean up cut down my herb garden, which was NO WHERE near the areas we hired them to clear.  They just randomly hit it with their weed whacker on the way out of the gate!

Fortunately, the parsley and sage are already sending out new leaves....but still...WHY???

Anyway, the weather has turned insufferable, so it's good that we have someone to mow for the rest of the summer.

The friend who was going to buy our old freezer backed out of the agreement, of course. (I had a feeling she would.)  SO now we have a little chest freezer and no where to put it.  Yay.

I checked with the shelter for homeless youth that we help support, and they can't use it.  I've posted three times on Facebook, and no one is interested.

That's about all I have for this week.  Cabin fever will be setting in soon.... sigh.... I am pretty sure I won't be able to get Dave up to take walks at 6:30 am - now that he isn't working, and lies in bed until 9 most mornings.

Have a good week!

Busy week ahead

 This three day weekend has been pretty nice, so far.  No pressure.

After our meeting with the retirement/financial planner on Thursday, I took advantage of part of the day off to get lots of data compiled and sent to him.  I also called the Social Security Administration and notified them that I have a retirement date now.

Then, we got some errands done, and had dinner delivered.

We didn't do anything to celebrate our 17th anniversary yesterday, because the weather forecast called for flooding, which did, indeed, happen.

I had taken Friday off to use my last floating holiday, but we didn't go out of town like we had talked about, because there was no where to go for a day to escape the heat.

Plus, Pete started throwing up again on Friday.  

He gets his ultrasound tomorrow.  Between then and now, we have been giving him his "ear rub" medicine, and it seems to have kept his vomiting to a minimum yesterday.  

We won't give it to him today, though, because the vet wants him to be "in a flare up" for the test.

Dave was able to sell our telescope to a friend of his, and he came to pick it up yesterday.  It's amazing how much space there is on the beautiful hardwood floor in the living room now, without that huge black case sitting there.

This coming week is really busy.  The lawn clean up guy is coming tomorrow or Tuesday, and the mowing service should come again by the end of the week. 

Dave has not done the parts he was supposed to do himself, but that's no surprise.  Between all of the rain, and his inclination to procrastinate until AFTER the last minute.... sigh...

He should be able to get out there today, though, since it isn't supposed to rain heavily.

Wednesday, I have my heart ultrasound and chest CT in the morning, AND my dental check up in the afternoon.  I will work 4 hours in between.

Thursday is my office day, and I will be giving notice.  While I am at work, our new deep freeze will be delivered. THEN, after I get home from work, we will go to meet with the financial guy again.

SO far, Friday is just a ... Friday. 

Right now, though, Dave wants to go out for breakfast, so that means that I have to get in the shower and put my face on. I also have LOVELY pillow case scars on both cheeks.  I just love when that happens.... UGH.

Have a good week.

Ease

 The heat has eased off for a few days, which is welcome, and we have been getting light rain showers here and there.

The bugs are terrible, but everything is lush, and green.  Usually by July, things are drying out and turning brown.

There is no drought anywhere in Oklahoma right now, which is unusual.

The lawn crew FINALLY showed up to do their first mowing yesterday, so the jungle that was the back yard is now partially tamed.  

Dave still has to get out there with the string trimmer into areas where we know things are that the crew would have destroyed, or that would have damaged their equipment.

Once he gets those areas trimmed, the crew can get to those areas safely when they mow in the future, because they will be able to see the statuary, etc.

The next big thing is the second guy Dave hired to do the big clean up in the back yard.  That will happen the week after next, ahead of "big trash day."

My treatment this past week went fine (didn't get home til almost 7:00 pm), but the steroid reaction has been really hard to deal with.  I think she upped my dosage. 

They gave me pills last time, and it was 1.5 tablets. This time, it was 3, but it could have been a different pill size. 

If I remember, I will ask if it was the same dosage, or higher, when I see the PA before the next appointment.

My scans are on the 16th, and I will see the PA, and have my next treatment, the week after that.

This coming Thursday brings our appointment with my financial guy.  I have decided to stay with him for my retirement management, as he charges less than the big firm Dave is with.

This is surprising, but, at this time, important.

I will roll my work account over to his care as soon as the annual contribution is deposited.  HOPEFULLY, this will occur at the end of July, instead of mid-August.

I also need to log in on the Social Security website and get that lined up.

As things are going, I plan to give two weeks' notice at work. There is no need to give more, since they have taken so many aspects of my previous job away.   

One by one, my multiple responsibilities have been given to others with no explanation, so I don't need to train anyone on anything much, and I can leave knowing that it took 4 people to ultimately replace me.

And only one or two people will care.  Mostly the one I have been helping with medicaid denials. The last person they assigned to help her retired in April.

In other news, our wedding anniversary is next weekend, so I took Friday off as a floating holiday....just because I wanted to use it.

It's seventeen years this year.

I have no idea what the new h/r policies are regarding getting paid for unused time off when one leaves the company.

They did all of the time off changes, and had an un-recorded "zoom" town hall, when I was on vacation in April, and never sent anything in writing.  My supervisors never said a word to me about it upon my return, and it was the woman in i/t who ultimately came to my desk to talk to me about it.

Not in a professional capacity, mind you, but as a fellow co-worker who was horrified by what they did to us (as a reminder, they changed the policy completely, and took away 75% of our saved time off hours, so we would be "equal" with the paramedics).

Anyway, it would be nice if I could get another check out of them for all of my saved time off hours.  I will ask when I give notice.

That's about it for this week.

I'm off to the shower, and then maybe making pancakes. We'll see.