Four. Days.

 In four days, when I walk away from the office, I will do so with my head held high, and my middle fingers raised.

I am retiring on good terms, but there have been many, many reasons over the years to feel this level of mixed emotions.

My original management team tried, DILIGENTLY, for years, to get me to quit. 

This was after a bit of a kerfuffle involving the Director (my direct boss), and a form that she filled out and had ME fax.  

The VP called me on the carpet, because this form STOPPED all payments from Medicare for weeks. THAT was a MAJOR problem!  

The Director had COMPLETELY misunderstood the VP when she was given the form, and came to me saying it had to be sent "yesterday," and that it was extremely urgent.

When questioned, I was honest, and said that the Director had filled it out, because I had no idea what it had meant, and that all I did was co-sign and fax it.  I had to co-sign it, due to my position at that time, but I had literally nothing else to do with the information, and the boxes she checked, on the form.

Since there was absolutely no reason to fire me (my work was, and still is, impeccable), and I was protected by FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), from that point on, the Director and the VP did their best to make me as miserable as possible.

From taking away my title (I was the Director's Assistant and Project Manager) and my status...

...To taking away my paid time off hours that I had already used, leaving me with a deficit....so that I had to go unpaid for chemo for several rounds, and I had to stay and work during blizzards and ice storms because I needed to be paid.  EVERYONE else in the building was gone, during one of those storms, but I had to stay and work, and dig my car out by myself while in fucking chemo.

Aside: The time deficit was AFTER the CEO allowed my co-workers to donate their paid time off hours to me, so that I would need not ever go without pay as a full time employee.  Then the VP reversed that, and took them away, AFTER I had used them. She assured me that this was legal.  I have no doubt she covered her ass.

Then, they gave a promotion to someone with absolutely no experience in management and training, when I had been an operations manager and trainer at my medical billing job in Illinois for eight years.

BUT, despite all of this, they were not able to convince me that leaving was a good idea.   

I knew that finding a job, as a person with stage IV cancer, in active treatment, would be virtually impossible.  I knew that any new job would require me to work for eighteen months before qualifying for FMLA again, so that I ran the risk of losing that job for absenteeism.

There were no choices.... I had to stay.

Then, a few years ago, the Director got cancer and died, and, a couple of years after that, after we moved to the new building, the rest of the billing management team all left at once-led by that same VP- trying their best to put us out of business, and take over the local "market" by joining the competition.

That didn't work, either.  

I was instrumental in keeping our business office running, and the cash flowing, though I have never, ever been acknowledged for that. 

The person who got my promotion before was promoted again, and is now my supervisor.  She has learned a LOT, and has grown so much, and I am now SO glad that I did not end up in her position.

There have been many difficult times with her, as well.  Extremely difficult.... but she was also not able to get me to quit, and has now changed her views on my performance to where they should have been all along.

I won't go into detail, but it was all based on her ASSUMING that she knew my job, when she absolutely had NO clue at all.  I am sure there are ample examples in my previous posts!

In the past couple of years, we have gotten a new Director, a hands-OFF Manager (I often forget to include her in emails because she doesn't speak to anyone and doesn't often come out of her office), and my office bestie is the Team Lead.  The management team is bigger than it used to be, but it seems to be going okay.  

Things have been going really well, and, from what I have heard, that other company is floundering.

People who left us to go there with the former VP have now left there, and our company still provides the best service, and the most efficient billing/revenue cycle for ambulance service, in the state.

The only really bad thing lately was when the upper management changed our PTO policy back in March, and took away 75% of the office staff's paid time off hours. 

That was my absolute last straw.... it was at that point when I really started to consider retiring, biding my time to see how Dave's income would settle out.

My soon to be former job duties are being spread out between two departments, and several people, and I have one more big thing to train people on during my last day.  My job will not be re-filled.

SO... all of that being said.... after I clock out on Thursday, I will feel a great deal of weight lifted from my spirit. This has been a very hard row to hoe.

I was personally hired by the former/late Director in July of 2013 (the 29th was my first day), and I was diagnosed in December of 2014, beginning chemo in January of 2015.

Working full time, for ten years and seven months, while in almost constant treatment for cancer, has been necessary, but utterly unfair (I know, life isn't fair) and exhausting in so many ways.

I can now leave that all behind, and LIVE MY LIFE. 

For that, I am extremely grateful. For Dave's successful retirement, I am extremely grateful.

We will be okay with my meager retirement income, because his income doesn't need me to bring in my full time pay anymore.

We will be fine.... so OFF I GO!  

Have a great week!

ADDENDUM:  OH!  I forgot to say that my oncology nurse called on Monday, and my doctor has me back on big guns steroids due to the "glassy opacities" that showed in my chest CT.  I am on hold for chemo for two treatments, and will have a follow up CT in three weeks.

In the interim, I will get a chest xray around the 6th of August (xrays are done on walk in basis).  I just need to check in to see if they still want me to go for the bone treatment I get every 6 weeks.