Some summer

Last night, I had the opportunity to connect with a group of people with whom I used to spend a lot of time. 

I danced with them before I joined the studio, and I had also joined with them for periodic spiritual gatherings.

It had been many years since the last time I attended one of the gatherings, but last night, I stepped back into that Circle.

It was nice to reconnect, and to feel that I was welcomed as a part of that community, even though they are all close-knit friends, and I am a bit of an outsider.

Perhaps, if I can continue to attend, I will not feel that outsided-ness as much.  (I just made up a new word!)

My younger friend, Lori, was supposed to go with me, but she backed out at the last minute, after a rough week at work.

This past week, Dave had a couple of different lawn services come and give quotes.  One for the big back yard clean up job, and one for mowing.

One guy quoted an exorbitantly high number for the clean up, but was reasonable on the bi-weekly mowing for the summer.

The other guy was SUPER reasonable on the clean up..... so we hired the first guy to mow, and the second guy to do the clean up.

The bi-weekly mowing will start this week some time.

The clean up will happen the week of our monthly "bulky trash" pick up.  All he'll have to do is drag everything to the curb.

In other news, Pete has been doing great, as he usually does, since his latest injection.

It's gotten hot and uncomfortable here, right on schedule, so my cabin fever season has begun.  It's not even as bad as it usually is by this date, but it's bad enough to keep me from doing much of anything at all outside.

Because of all of the rain we had this spring, the humidity has been tropical.  

On Friday, I got a call from the woman I had spoken to the week before about retiring.  

She was able to confirm that I DO qualify for the annual contribution to my retirement, as long as I am still employed through tomorrow, which is June 30th, the end of the fiscal year.

I do NOT have to still be employed whenever they decide to release those funds.

There is a chance that the last day of July will be my exit date from work.  That way, even if the roll over (into an IRA that will start paying me) doesn't take place until mid August, I will still have a paycheck coming.

At this point, I'm ALSO considering moving my account entirely over to Dave's guy.... since he's with Fidelity, and my guy is private.  

This would include moving the account I have with my fiduciary over to Dave's guy at Fidelity as well.

It kind of makes sense to be with a big, secure company for both of us, and to have one advisor, instead of two.

We shall see.

Anyway, I'll also need to go back on the Social Security website and get that set up to start paying me, too.

It's scary, but I finally think we will be okay.  I will just need to figure out how to keep from going insane, since I am not good at being idle.

I need to figure out what it means to me to be able to just live my life.  

This coming week is my next treatment.  My next heart ultrasound and chest CT are scheduled for July 16th.  

They should have been in June, but no appointments were available.

Today, I am doing some cooking, and I have a baby basil plant that I need to get into the ground before it gets too hot out.

Have a lovely week, and a happy Independence Day, if you celebrate it. 

Windy woods walk

 We managed to get up and out the door before 8 am today, to go for a walk in one of the parks in the city.

It was very windy, so the bugs didn't bother us, and we did okay with how warm it was until right close to the end of the walk.

Then, we went out for breakfast, and got home before 9:45 am.

It was good to be out in nature for a little bit.  Not very long, but certainly better than nothing.

This past week, I submitted an inquiry to the human resources department at work regarding what kinds of steps or programs they have for employees considering retirement. 

They said to contact the bank that handles our retirement accounts....  

SO, I did that, and received a phone call from our company contact, and she basically gave me some information about how I will need to roll the account into an IRA in order to start collecting it as income.

Well, yeah.  I knew that... She told me that the roll over forms are on the website, and then she told me what it would cost to keep her as a financial advisor after I retire, and how she would need to meet with me and Dave to set up an advisory account for us.

I had already told her (when I met with her last year) that Dave has a person, and I have a person, and that we probably would not be hiring her.  

I told her that h/r had said she was the person to help me retire from my company, but she is clearly just to be on the banking/financial portion of retiring. 

Anyway, apparently, my company has no protocol for a person who is retiring.  I guess you just give notice, and then stop working.

It's so.... weird!  

Dave's company had several meetings with him, and his manager and h/r department provided guidance.... eventually.  

I mean, you may recall that it took some wrangling, and was frustrating, but he finally got the help he needed.

I will receive no such guidance. None what so ever, apparently, from the company itself.

ANYWAY, I am still hoping to retire early, possibly by the end of July, if I can figure everything out on my own.

The woman from the bank is going to find out when we are supposed to get our annual contribution to our retirement account, and if I have to be employed until then (last year, it came in mid-August).  

Fiscal year end is June 30th, so I am thinking if I am employed through the end of June, I should qualify for the contribution.  

This SHOULD be regardless of my employment status at the time they finally decide to pay out our contributions.

My next step will be meeting with my fiduciary, who already handles my investment account that my dad left to me.  

I suppose I need to alert him to the fact that I am pursuing the possibility now, rather than just speculating about it. 

I will plan to roll my work account into an IRA that HE will handle.  I also need to ask if I can roll my investments into an IRA, too, so that my income is all the more useful. 

The money from my work retirement account will not last very long, I am thinking, before it's tapped out.

Anyway, we should be hearing soon if we get raises this year, the news of which also comes around the fiscal year end.  

I would like the opportunity to get a few paychecks at the higher pay, too, and have it reflected when I start collecting my social security.

Nothing much else to report.

The rain has finally stopped, and now it's insufferably hot.  Cabin fever season has begun.

Dave managed to get the back yard mowed yesterday, before it got too hot out.  He will do the front one morning this coming week.

We have the name and number of a lawn guy now (two other attempts to get someone to come resulted in no call backs), so hopefully, he will get set up with him for the summer.

No appointments this past week, or next week, which is nice.

Have a good week, and, if you pray, in any way, please pray for peace.

No Kings

 The massive No Kings protests across the US happened yesterday.

I felt that I could not sit this one out.  I made a double-sided sign, and Dave had purchased a flag that says "No kings in America since 1776," and we went.

One side of my sign said "NO KINGS except DRAG KINGS," and the other side said "I am a cancer patient, so why am I HERE?  Because my Dad liberated Dachau, that's why. EFF NAZIS!"

Among the approximately twenty thousand other marchers in Oklahoma City, we gathered in the morning, and we marched. We chanted.  We exercised our first amendment rights!

I just had chemo on Thursday, and had planned to wear a KN 95 mask, but it was stiflingly humid, and warm out, and I would not have lasted a minute if I'd worn a mask.

So, we stayed at the edges, and I was careful about distancing.  I took a cooling towel with me, and that really helped, since I was still in full steroid red-face mode, which makes me more sensitive to heat.

We walked most of the march route (which they changed to a longer route, after they saw the size of the crowd) before the rain and lightening made us decide to leave.  

Unfortunately, that meant that we missed the rally at the end, and missed the speakers.

The coordinators cut a few of the speakers who were scheduled, to shorten the duration of the rally, and to be sure that the crowd disbursed before the storms got really bad.

Many people who marched left, like we did, before the rally started.  That was too bad, because the media ended up mis-representing how many of us were there on the streets....but we showed up, and we showed up strong!

We didn't see any counter-protestors, and there was only one pick up truck full of rednecks who went by yelling something.  It was safe, and peaceful. 

We got home, drenched, but satisfied, by 11 am or so, before the skies REALLY opened up.

Then, last night, we had HORRENDOUSLY loud storms for most of the night, so I am completely exhausted today.

I thought I was tired yesterday, after walking 3 or 4 miles, but today, it's more apparent.  I am glad it's Sunday, so I can take it easy!

We got in the hot tub last night, which was great, but my legs and shoulders are still a bit sore, so I might take a nice bubble bath here shortly.

It's already going on 11, and we just finished the breakfast I made, so it is definitely a lazy day so far.

Nothing much else to report.  Have a great week! 

Cuckoo

 Just got back from a steamy morning woods walk.

This has been a good spring for me seeing bird species for the first time.

When we went to Robbers Cave for my birthday, I saw my first summer tanager, and my first painted bunting.

This morning, I saw my first yellow billed cuckoo!

It was getting too hot to stay out for long, though, so we cut the walk short.  Everything is very green and lush, after the wettest spring in years.

Also very buggy!

There is standing water everywhere, so the mosquitoes are thick.

Not much to report from this past week.  

Pete started throwing up again on Wednesday, so Dave took him to the vet yesterday for another injection,

This is so frustrating, because he had been doing SO WELL for SO LONG.  

The last injection wore off a long time ago, and we were doing the daily low dose steroid for a while, and stopped that, and he was FINE!!  He was gaining his weight back, and playing fetch, and chasing the other cats.

We thought we had solved the problem with switching the cats to grain-free food, but I guess not.

Poor kitty.... poor us.... it's such a mystery.  

This latest injection should last a month, and then I guess we will have to spend the big money on an ultrasound.

Fortunately, Pete's quality of life is GREAT for a while, when he has one of those injections.

Hopefully, when this one wears off, it will take a while, like it did this last time, for him to start throwing up again.

Ugh.

I have my next doctor visit, labs, and treatment this coming week.

I'll go to the office on Wednesday for 6 hours, and leave early for the oncologist.

They're predicting extremely dangerous weather later today, with winds of 80-100 mph, and hail up to 5 inches in diameter.

We are SO SICK of this storm season.  There is such a thing as storm fatigue.  

Please keep a good thought for us, because this one sounds really scary.  

Have a good week.

Words fail

Cathy died.

We don't know anything specific, which was most likely her wish.  Just that she passed overnight on Tuesday.

Given that she had been on hospice care, I am sure that her passing was gentle, and free from suffering. That's what hospice nurses do.

There is to be no memorial, and there will be no obituary.  She will be cremated, and Mike will take her ashes to a few specific places, to scatter them. 

The grief is hitting me and Dave differently, of course. 

You know from my previous posts about her that she and Mike were among my best friends when they lived in Illinois. 

Dave's relationship with them has been no less important in his life, and Dave's heart is just as broken as mine, though he is processing it differently.

Also bear in mind that Cathy introduced us, and married us.

SO yeah. It's been a rough few days at Dragons' Roost, as we anticipated.

What I didn't anticipate was my anger.  

I am just.... so very angry that she went through so much suffering before she began hospice care, and that this process was so agonizing for her, and for Mike, I have no doubt.

They were unlike any other couple I have ever known.  SO fully connected, in love until the end (and into eternity), and devoted to one another, body, mind, and soul.

Their level of intimacy was astonishing.  They were completely woven together in every way.

I can't even begin to imagine how Mike is coping with this tragic loss.

But Cathy.... Cathy's remarkable ability to run into the fire... to go wherever there was a need for care, support, and presence.... is why I am angry.

Why her?  Why this? Why were we given so little time to say good bye?

She SO did not deserve to die this young, and to go through so much pain and suffering.  

I mean, who does.....but still.... she was different.... truly.  She gave of herself without hesitation, and without keeping score. To SO MANY people....

She was SO greatly loved, and she loved all of her friends and family so utterly fiercely. 

At the end, for her to be unable to cook or eat....two of her lifetime passions....and to basically waste away. 

It's all just an injustice that I cannot fathom, nor reconcile. 

I never will.

Hug your friends.  Tell them you love them... do it. 

Cathy, Blue Heron Druid, Auntie Ca, The Universe.... bright journeys, and peaceful rest. 

Routine

 This past week, we got back into the routine of labs/treatment/recovery.

I would imagine that, when I see my doctor the next time, we will schedule my next CT and cardiac ultrasound.

Hopefully, the next time won't be as fraught with anxiety and tenuous results.

This past week was pretty easy, to be honest, despite the reality of  having to sit in a chemo chair, having poison pumped directly into my heart through a permanent port installed in my chest!

My reaction to the steroid was one cold sweat, but an entire night of sleeplessness.  That made working on Friday somewhat difficult, but then, our supervisor let us clock out early for the holiday weekend, so that helped.

I ordered the groceries, and then took a nap before the news came on, and felt better.

Yesterday, after the groceries came, and I got them loaded into the house, and put away.....I went and got 3 loads of laundry from Lori, who lives 3 blocks away.  

I find myself helping her out again, and it makes me mindful of the fact that, USUALLY, I am the friend who helps.  I am not the friend who NEEDS help.

Ten years ago, at the beginning of chemo, etc, I needed help.... but in the ensuing years, I have become the helper.

Fortunately, when I needed help, the dance community came through.  They helped me raise money to pay my first round of exorbitant bills, and one of them cooked several meals for us.

The individual who brought the meals eventually became one of our best friends, before relocating.

Anyway, these are just random thoughts.  

It's not like I am keeping score, I am just grateful that I have the strength and fortitude to do for myself, when it would seem to others that I might not, or maybe should not, be capable.

Anyway, other than 3 loads of laundry for someone else, I got all of my chores and laundry done, and then we went out to an antique mall to look for a better canister for coffee.

We'd been using a large mason jar, but the opening proved problematic, as it just isn't large enough for us to get our hand inside when the jar is almost empty.

This endeavor was met with success, and we found a circa 1940s coffee canister - for a mere $5.00 - that is perfect for our old house.

While we were at the antique mall, I spotted two really cool, 1960s vintage glasses that are the same pattern, but a different size, as some that are in my collection.  

They are bright red paisley, with real 22k gold leaf accents.  They are, in a way, hideously ugly, but I ADORE THEM!

(If you're curious, the maker was Culver, and I think the pattern was just called "red paisley.")

I told Dave I could recycle, or donate, a couple of the meaningless glasses that we have, and all he said was that I have "a problem." Yes, he was kidding.

SO, I left them at the mall...but regretted it the moment we got home! 

Then, last night we decided we would go back today to see if they're still there, and if they are, I am buying them!!  Yay! 

After we got back yesterday, we watched the Cubs game, and then I made dinner.

Today should be a bit easier of a day, with no chores to do, save the usual load of towels that I wash on Sundays.

It's supposed to be rainy, but, so far, all of the rain has missed us since the wee hours of Friday night.

I am off to make pancakes and slice strawberries.  Have a lovely week!

Fresh

 The air this morning is incredibly fresh, after two thunderstorms, and lots of rain, in the past 24 hours.

Yesterday, before the rain came, I finally got the herb garden completely weeded, and spread a bag of fresh garden soil over it, so the rain came at a perfect time.

We're hoping to go to a locally-owned garden center today, so that I can get the herb plants I want.  If we make it, I would need to get them planted today, too.

There's more rain, and possibly severe storms, in the forecast, though, so that may waylay my plans for yet another week.

The past week was uneventful, for the most part.

Dave ran to the pet store, midweek, and brought home some new things for Pete, to try to stimulate his appetite.

He loved all of them, including a different wet food.  As it turned out, it's the same wet food that I used to feed to Jack.

They now have a grain-free version, and Dave bought enough for all of the cats to try, and they ALL loved it, actually!

SO... once we finish the case of the other stuff that they are eating, but not with gusto, we will switch them all over to the new one.

In the meantime, we got enough so that we can give one to Pete at mid day, hoping that he will start to gain his weight back.  

He's not throwing up stomach juices anymore, and just needs to start thriving again--and the goal is that he does this WITHOUT having another injection from the vet.

Dave got the front yard mowed yesterday, and it looks like my peonies and irises are all done blooming, so maybe I will go out and dead head them today, too.

This coming week, I'll get my labs drawn on Tuesday after work, go to the office Wednesday, and have chemo on Thursday.

It's been so nice to have NO APPOINTMENTS for the past couple of weeks, after that period of what felt like constant appointments!

Have a good week!