ANOTHER difficult good bye

 One day, I think it was about 3 years ago, a feral cat in our neighborhood showed up in our back yard, with her little black and white kitten.

We named them Gilly and Sam (Game of Thrones characters, as we had done with so man other feral cats), because we didn't know if the kitten was a boy or a girl yet. 

Time passed, Gilly disappeared, and Sam started coming around once in a while to find food.

In the summer of 2024, Sam showed up pregnant, so we shifted her name to Sammie.

On our wedding anniversary, July 12th, which was a day that saw a temperature of 110F, she decided to have her kittens in our patio chiminea.

There were SEVEN of them!  She was so young, and this was her first litter.

We did our best to keep her cool, and to protect her and the tiny, tiny kittens.  In a few days, she was up and about and going off, leaving them alone in the chiminea.  One of them disappeared, and we figured out that it was the runt.

Anyway, as they started to grow and come out of the chiminea on their own, she moved them.  We don't know where.  We didn't see her or the kittens for about a month.

And then, one day, here she came, with five of the kittens marching behind her, tiny tails straight up!  The one that I had hoped to adopt, the black one with a tiny white spot on top of its head, was gone.

We did our best by those remaining kittens, but, in the end, three of them died by mishap, because feral cats wander, and some of them don't understand that cars are dangerous.

We got two the kittens successfully "fixed," with their shots, and adopted, and Sammie trusted us so completely that Dave was able to easily put her in a carrier to take her for shots, and to get her spayed, too.

After that, she left for a little while, but eventually came back, and stayed with us in our back yard.  

She adopted us as her people, though, from time to time, she would disappear, because feral cats wander.

She was, however, completely socialized with us, and with a couple of our house sitters.  She and Dave had a daily routine of food and cuddles, and she would always "help" me when I would work outside in some capacity, gardening, or just filling the bird bath, or checking the hot tub chemistry.

She even would sit in my lap out on the patio sometimes.  Usually, though, she would sit under my chair, or in the other chair, when I would sit out there.

Fast forward to yesterday.  

It was just another day, with Sammie coming out of her heated house in the back yard, for breakfast, and getting cuddles from Dave.

She "helped" me fill the bird bath, and her water dish, and everything was normal and relaxed.

Then, in the afternoon, a knock on the door.  It was the little boy from across the street.

"Do you guys have a black and white cat?"  My heart immediately jumped into my throat.... 

He let us know that several members of his family had seen the Fed Ex truck hit Sammie as she was going across the street.

She was lying in the gutter in front of our house, panting, paralyzed, and bleeding.  It was absolutely horrific.  

I ran to the shed to get Dave's leather work gloves, a towel, and a carrier.  We knew she was done for, and had to get her to an emergency vet to have her put down.

But when Dave tried to gather her up, she panicked, and lashed out and tried to escape...it was heart breaking because her back was broken, and all she could do was flop around and scream.

In the long run, after we sat in the street with her and calmed her, begging her to just let go.... he was finally able to get her into the carrier, and off we went.

It was extremely traumatic for all of us.  Dave was completely devastated. 

The neighbors were caring an compassionate, standing guard, like a vigil, around us as we sat in the street. One of them hugged me when I freaked out watching the first attempts Dave made to pick Sammie up.  

They also lodged a complaint with Fed Ex, and told us that they had actually chased the truck down the street, trying to get the driver to stop, but he wouldn't. 

So. She is gone.  Because feral cats wander.

We will collect her ashes in about a week.  It would have been too much to bring her broken body back for burial in the ground, which is somewhat frozen at this time of year.

A vet tech also cleaned the carrier before giving it back to us. It was a bloody, shitty mess.

Frank and Sammie were "through the window" friends, and had a routine of talking to each other (well, Frank talked, and she mostly just looked at him, haha!) in the evenings.  

He went from the back to the front of the house, getting in the windows and meowing, last night. 

It was so sad to witness.

Both of us are drained of tears this morning, and emotionally exhausted.  Every time I woke up last night, which was a lot, it all replayed in my mind.

That will take some time to fade, I'm sure.

But, she is at peace, forever safe and warm, and her lost kittens greeted her with love on the other side of the rainbow bridge.... at least that is how I comfort myself.

Especially our Scamper.  They are happily playing together, and sleeping in a big kitten pile.

And we will go on, keeping them all in our hearts, along with the other feral cats that we have cared for, and loved.

Maybe Luke will come back now.  Time will tell.

I let my friends know, and one of them came to clean up the blood in front of the house....I was going to do it myself, but she offered.... and I am grateful.  Since there is no rain in the forecast, it would have stayed there for quite some time, as an ongoing reminder every time we leave the house.

In other news, I am still doing SO much better on the reduced dose of the chemo.  My fingers are completely healed, and I have only needed to take imodium once, back near the beginning of this cycle.

I completed my first week of the wellness study, as best I could, getting a late start and all.  Plus, I had planned to do my 3rd day of strength training yesterday, but.... well..... it didn't happen, and I messaged my "coach" to let him know why.

This coming week, my only appointment is to get my permanent crown, and then go for labs after I stop this chemo cycle on Wednesday.

Unfortunately, I think I have a new stress fracture, this time in my right foot.  My podiatrist can't get me in until Mar. 4th. 

In the meantime, I am not supposed to take walks or spend too much time on my feet.... thankfully, we have a pedal machine so I can still get exercise and participate in the wellness study.

Have a good week. 

Oops, I forgot it was Sunday again!

 I'm grateful that I have a friend who reminds me, when I don't publish my blog as per usual, HAHA!

Thanks, Nan! 

This past week, I finally got connected to the wellness study apps, and got my fit bit connected, too.  Next week, I will have my on line visit with the exercise physiologist, and I will get my first "batch" of tasks/exercises and yoga lessons.

I'm really looking forward to it!

This morning, we got up and went out for breakfast to meet with Dave's ex brother in law, David, who lives just 4 blocks away from us.

We now have four people who live in this neighborhood who we know in one way or another.  It's a comfort.  Two are on 12th street, and two on 11th!

My former dance director is in our neighborhood now, too, just a few blocks away.

Dave and David had not seen each other for many, many years, which is understandable.  They reconnected last year, via facebook, but had not seen one another until this morning.

David's father just passed away this past week, and Dave wanted to show sympathies, so we met him for breakfast, and then had him over to the house for a visit.

It was very good, I think.  Healing.

The Davids are more alike than they are different, these days, and we might be able to help one another out from time to time.

I think it did David good to see that Dave is not who he was years ago.

The sad part is that Dave's estranged son refused to go to this grandfather's funeral, too, just as he did when Dave's dad died.

He has apparently estranged himself from everyone in his family, except for Dave's eldest brother.

David said that Eric DID show up for his mother's funeral in 2023, but that he was late, and he was mostly interested in what he could get from her apartment when they cleared it out.

It's a shame he has become this way, but there is nothing to be done for it.

Anyway, I re-started chemo on Thursday, after verifying that my blood work was okay.  I have low white and red blood cell counts, but I guess they're not low enough to be of concern yet.

I feel okay, mostly... not run down or anything.

So far, the digestive issues have calmed down, and my fingers are healing well.

Also on Thursday, I had my first dental crown appointment.  The temporary is rough, and has already caused an abrasion on the inside of my cheek, where I get soreness from the chemo.

I have to keep the temporary in place for two weeks before the permanent one will be ready, so I may call and ask if they can smooth this temporary one off a bit, if it gets worse.

Also this past week, aside from the study appointment (on the phone), I had a follow up appointment (on line) with the dietician, so it will be nice to only have one appointment next week.

The weather has continued to be spring-like, and we got a little bit of rain yesterday, but not enough.

Dave doesn't like Valentine's day, but he surprised me with a pretty rose, and a box of chocolates yesterday.  I had already planned to make him some of his favorite foods for dinner last night, and it turned out great.

Tonight's dinner is an Asian soup, and the only chore I have done today was to throw in a load of towels, but I got everything else done yesterday, which was good, since I had not expected Dave to invite David over after breakfast.

Time to go out and refill the bird bath, and maybe see if there is any news on (the olympics preempt our preferred local news most of the time, but not always).

Have a lovely week!

How many times can a heart be broken?

 Many. 

Still grieving the loss of our friend, Mike, aka hobbitt. It's been a rough week, but we're getting by.

I was friends with Cathy and Mike for over 30 years, and you may recall that Cathy introduced me and Dave.

I've been in touch with Cathy's sisters, so that's been good.  Sadly, it seems that both Cathy and Mike elected not to have any kind of memorial or service.

Anyway, it's been like spring here again, with warm weather and sunny skies.  We got in our hot tub last night, which was really nice.

The other day, we got started on preparing for new gardening boxes.  The first thing we needed to do was dismantle the rotting whiskey barrel planters, and we got that mostly done.  The rotting wooden staves and iron rings will be put out at the curb this coming week for "bulky trash day."

A friend has recommended raised cedar planting boxes, and I'd like to get a couple of those, so we had to make room, and the barrels needed to go anyway,

My lowered chemo dose seems to be helping to decrease the diarrhea, and the skin peeling off of my fingers.  I have my new prescriptions now too, if things get really bad again.

I am in the middle of my week off, and it has gone SO much better than previous cycles.  The diarrhea seems to be at its worst during the week off, and this time, it's been much more manageable. 

It's taking a while for my fingers to heal, but the slits have all closed, and the skin feels a bit less like dried out leather.

Today is Dave's birthday, and he wanted to go out for brunch, so we headed out this morning (which is why I have not posted my blog yet).  

The place he chose is a favorite, but it was SOOOO busy!  We waited about a half hour for seats at the counter, and then it took almost an hour for our food to come out.

Needless to say, it was a MUCH longer outing that we anticipated!  

We also had a friend come over this afternoon, so it's kind of been non stop.  I did manage to get a load of towels put through the wash, though.

The grocery chain, Aldi, which is based in Chicagoland, had Italian Beef sandwich kits in the freezer section that are made by Buona Beef!  SO that's Dave's birthday dinner!  I sure hope it's as good as the real thing!  

Sadly, we can't get the exact kind of sandwich rolls here, but hopefully, what we got will suffice.  I already have a jar of giardiniera in the pantry that I brought back in September.

The kit comes with pepper and onions,  as well as the meat and au jus/gravy,

I saw my dentist last week, and it went fine, but he wants to put a crown on one of my teeth to keep it from becoming a problem later, so I will go back to the dentist on Thursday.

Nothing much else to report.  The spring like weather is supposed to continue for a while, so that the daffodils and irises will start to come up, and then get frozen when winter comes back....which is will.

Have a good week!

A week of winter

 It was so nice to have snow on the ground for a few days.... and to have real cold weather.

I really enjoyed it!

But, today it will be 50 degrees, and in coming days, it could be as warm as 70.

Sigh.

SO.... I saw my oncologist on Wednesday, and she lowered my dosage of the chemo.  She also had me meet with the clinical dietician, who recommended I take Metamucil to combat the diarrhea.

Between the lowered dose, and a couple of days of Metamucil, I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER.  My fingers have also gotten better.

Why the nurse I had begged to help me never mentioned a simple remedy like Metamucil, I will never know.

I was able to go out and do errands for a few hours on Friday...it was like being FREE again!  

The doctor ordered the additional medication for severe diarrhea, but I will probably not need it now.  She also ordered an ointment for the peeling skin, but it has never been filled.  Apparently, it's a rarity.  Maybe it will be filled this week some time.

**********************************************

In other news, I JUST found out that my dear friend Mike, the widower of Cathy, who passed last May, has also passed away.

It was just this morning.  Cathy's sister, Nancy, contacted me to let me know.  I am SO very grateful that the family reached out to ME.... not sure why they chose me, but without that, a HUGE community of friends would never have known..

It was a gift, and an honor, to be trusted with the information that he had chosen to discontinue his cancer treatments, and join his soul mate among the stars. 

Our hearts are broken, again. 

May his journey be swift, and filled with light, as he runs into her waiting arms.  Peace to them both.

Snow daze and deep freeze

For the last week, we had been warned about the impending snowmageddon, and killing cold.

We went out for some groceries (some things we can't get from Kroger), and supplies on Wednesday.

The stores were already packed, and the shelves empty in some sections.   Costco was INSANE..... people had to have taken off work to go out.  Traffic was heavy everywhere.

By Thursday, the news was showing bare  grocery stores across the entire range of  this huge storm system, so we were glad we went out on Wednesday.

Fortunately, between our outing on Wednesday, and my full grocery order coming on Friday (I placed it on Wednesday, a day earlier than usual. After hours of waiting to be able to access the website, only two delivery time slots were left) we are all set here.

The power has stayed on because this was not an ice event, but a snow and sleet event for us.

Lots of businesses, and all of the schools, were closed on Friday, but the precipitation didn't start until around 9 pm, so that was kind of a waste.  That happens here a lot, though.

We got between 3 and 4 inches of mixed snow and sleet overnight Friday.  

Yesterday, I was able to easily clear the front porch, and walkway, for the mail carrier, who never showed up.

It was, after all, extremely cold (high of 9F yesterday), so I guess they took the day off.  

There was no sign of them in the neighborhood at all, and we were supposed to be getting a tax document. Oh well....Hopefully, we will get it eventually.

Our mail carriers continually skip us, deliver our mail to the wrong house, and bring us neighbors' mail.  It's absurd.

This is why I have the Informed Delivery app.

Anyway, as you know, our house has all new windows, and, several years ago, we insulated the attic. 

 But, even with that, our heat pump has not been able to maintain the temperature of 70 that is programmed into the thermostat.  

It was 63 inside when I got up today.... so the space heaters and humidifiers are running.

After making pot roast, and running the space heaters all day yesterday, we finally achieved 68 degrees inside (jt was 65 when we got up yesterday), so we are wearing our fleece-lined Carhartt pants, and layers on top.  I also have wool socks that I am wearing.

We have a space heater in the unheated laundry room, where the pipes come into the house, and one in the living room.  We have also left the faucets dripping all night, in order to keep the pipes from freezing and bursting.

An electric humidifier, which has been running constantly, and one on the stove top that we only run when we are awake, and at home (obviously), have been helping with the extremely low humidity in the house. 

Anyway, we stayed hunkered down, and that pot roast was SO good.  

Sammie, our socialized feral cat who lives in the yard, has been using her heated shelter.  Dave cleared a path for her out to the grass, so she can relieve herself, and she has been eating well.

Last night, we got another 12 inches of snow, by some reports, and it got down to 5 degrees outside, with wind chills of -17.

Today's predicted high temp is 10, and then tonight, we will see sub zero temperatures, with the worst of the post-blizzard cold coming in.

I am currently "pre-heating" the bath tub with hot water, so that I can take a bath instead of a shower, so I don't get as chilled.

I fill it part way with just hot water, and let it sit so the iron warms up, then drain it and run a mostly hot bath. Like a giant tea pot, haha!

Due to the intense cold, and the depth of the snow, I can't possibly shovel us out, as I have done in the past.  

Thankfully, our lawn guy, who helps us out in the high heat of summer, texted Dave yesterday.

He's charging us a ridiculous amount of money to clear the driveway, but we have no other choice if I want to get out of here by Wednesday to see my doctor.

I am grateful that he contacted us, and will be here this afternoon.  Hopefully, there will be enough traffic on our street by Wednesday to pack the snow down and make our street passable.

Oklahoma City only has 34 plows for over 700 square miles of city, so they never plow residential streets, or non-snow route side streets.  This town will be at a stand still for days.

Speaking of going to my doctor, the diarrhea has been horrible, and now my fingertips are peeling (this is another common side effect that she has been monitoring).  

I am really hoping we can either discontinue this medication, or go back to the lowered dosage that we started with in November.

The nurse has refused to fill the anti-diarrheal prescription, and now, with the skin peeling, well..... we shall see what the doctor herself says.  I have lowered the dosage myself in the meantime, for a few days, to (hopefully) ease my own suffering.

Anyway, we will be heating up the oven again this morning, to make sausage rolls.... having the oven on really helps to warm up the house.  It's Burns Night day (?), and sausage rolls are a thing in Scotland.

I will also do a load of laundry, so the dryer will be on, and that helps warm up the laundry room, too.

Easily swept the snow off of the front porch, but that is all I will be doing outside. The sun is shining now, but that means that tonight will be even colder.

Hoping that all in the path of this massive storm system are safe and warm, though we are not naive enough to believe this is the case.  Homeless people and pets will die.

Wishing you, gentle readers, safety and warmth. 

Ramblin' on....

 Bobby Weir's public memorial was held yesterday, and it was streamed on You Tube. I am glad I got to see it.

On Friday night, my favorite home town radio station, WXRT, played a full concert, recorded at the University of Illinois at Chicago in 1987.  The date of the concert was April 11th, and we sat in the 11th row, and I had seat #11....I remember that it was snowing that night.

So, both of those things have been cathartic for me, and for thousands of other Dead Heads.

Moving into the new moon tomorrow, and moving on with our lives, forever Grateful for the legacy, and our memories.

My bone treatment on Wednesday went just fine, but the chemo pill-related digestive issues have been bad.  Yesterday was awful.

It seemed like it was going to be okay, at the beginning of the cycle, but it didn't last.  Things have gone back to being bad over the past week or so.

I messaged the nurse, and, though, when this happened in December, she had mentioned possibly including an additional prescription medication to help the symptoms, this time she said to add an over the counter anti-gas pill to the Imodium.  I guess she was hoping it would stop the cramping?  Not sure at all.

When I asked the nurse why we were not doing the prescription yet, she said that it might have the opposite effect, and cause constipation.  

At this point, I'd prefer that!  HAHA...sorry.... too much information.

Anyway, the gas pill did not help.  Yesterday, I had to take the max dosage of Imodium to get it to stop, and I recall that it was like this during my week off of chemo the last time, ruined my Christmas, and caused me to have to stop at public restrooms while out trying to do errands.

Being afraid to go out is deeply impacting my quality of life, so I will message her AGAIN tomorrow, and tell her just that.

My next doctor appointment isn't until the 28th, when I hope we can discuss either reducing the dosage of this pill, or switching to something else.

I also understand that they want to talk to me about participating in a study.

In the meantime, I will just keep taking Imodium prophylactically.   I'd LOVE to go run an errand to get OUT OF THE HOUSE today, and we have to go to a funeral on Wednesday.  

Hopefully, by that point in my week off of chemo (I start again on Thursday), I will be okay.  I don't remember how it went last time....if I was symptom free by the end of the 7 days off.

We are having a stretch of nights below freezing, which is good, but have still not had any more precipitation.  

Yesterday, with winds as high as 50 mph, we were under a red flag warning for wild fires.

It's supposed to be in the 50s this afternoon, after being in the teens over night.  Hopefully, that cold night means no more black widows on the hot tub!

Have a good week!

I'm sad today

 Bob Weir of the Grateful Dead died yesterday.  His family had not announced publicly that he had been fighting cancer since July.

Reports are that he succeeded in beating this cancer, no idea what type, but that he died from "lug complications."

We in the Dead Head community are devastated. It was a gut punch.

So. I am sad today.

BUT, I am also GRATEFUL for so many years of memories, and that the Grateful Dead Archive exists, so that decades of music and video are available to help us mourn and heal.

SO many lost.... First Pig Pen (Ron McKernan), then Keith, then Brent, then Jerry, then Vinnie, then lyricists Robert Hunter, and John Barlow, then Phil, then Donna, and now Bobby.   What a party they must be having today!

In other news, it was a pretty quiet week around here.  

Dave had his eye appointment, and found out that he is "pre-cataract," and will probably need the surgery in the next few years.

I've been feeling better this past week, with less "tummy trouble" from the chemo.  I have until the 14th before my next one week break.

That is also the day that I will go for my bi-monthly bone treatment, so will go for labs on Tuesday.

We finally got a little bit of rain this past week, but not enough to get us out of the winter drought.

Temperatures have been closer to normal for this time of year, too, which is nice.

I got all of my chores done yesterday, so today I can focus on my course, and maybe doing some meditation.

Have a good week!