Easy Peasy

 I was desperately afraid of every aspect of the bone biopsy, but it turned out to be virtually painless in every way.

(below is an edited cross post from the book of faces, so I don't have to type it all out again)

I talked with a friend yesterday, and it helped me to realize that I am still recovering from the stress of the bone biopsy. I may be for a while, and I had not thought about it that way until she and I spoke. It could take a while, and that's OKAY!

It's really surprising to me that no one thought to tell me things that I would not have known to ask about....

Like, what kind of sedation are you talking about? NO ONE ever told me that they were just going to do conscious sedation, with fentanyl, until the very last minute, so I had no idea what to expect, and was afraid of being "put under" and waking up with extreme nausea.

I told the admitting nurse this, and she made no comment.

Then, for all I knew, based on my dad's bone biopsy 30 years ago, they were going to cut me open and take divots out of my pelvis the circumference of a pencil.

The friend who offered to bring us food, and do chores if needed, had told me that her friend had a bone biopsy that was HORRIBLY painful, and that she was "down for the count" for days.

YIKES! She reiterated it a couple of times, unintentionally making my fear deepen beyond reckoning.

The pre-op nurse came in, and took all of my vitals, and then took them again - because my heart rate was so high. I told her that I was utterly terrified because I had no idea what to expect, other than what I knew from my dad in the 90s. I also told her about my fear of waking up from anesthesia.

She made no other comment.

When I expressed my surprise that they would not order antibiotics or pain meds, no one said THEY WOULD NOT BE NECESSARY because the procedure is considered minimally invasive, and safe.

SO...when the doctor came into my pre-op room (all of this, while Dave was out of the room getting lunch), to get my consent and explain the procedure, he said they would be using a "pretty big" needle, and a drill.... so, yeah, that made me even more scared.

I pictured the huge bore needle they used to do the core biopsies on my right breast, which was akin to medieval torture, with no pain relief and no sedation.... gushing blood until noon the next day....and the bruises remained on my breast until it was removed, months later!~

All I could see in my mind was 1/8 inch holes in my pelvis, like they left in my breast.

(Aside: My left breast biopsy physician, at the same facility, was MUCH more compassionate, male, and saw to it that I was as comfortable as possible.... a complete change from the physician, named PAULA, who brutalized my right breast).

So, the doctor who would be doing the procedure on Monday didn't say that the needle and drill are actually REALLY SMALL. He was very young, and probably didn't realize that needles used in years past, even just a few years past, were MUCH BIGGER....

He didn't mention that the puncture wounds would actually be quite tiny, and would close up quickly. To him, the needle he would be using was BIG.

Sigh.....

Then, the third nurse (the one who would be prepping me for the procedure) asked me, as I was being put on the table, "have you ever had a bone biopsy before?" I answered "no," and all she said was "okay." Like...duh???

She ALSO KNEW that I was in a state of near panic with fear, because I had told her, but she said nothing to assure me that it would really be very easy to go through, and that I would not feel a thing beyond the lidocaine numbing medication being injected into my hip.

She DID tell me that she would arrange for anti nausea medications for afterward, if I needed them, but did not tell me that they were doing conscious sedation, and that I would just feel relaxed, and not go to sleep, until they were prepping me for the procedure.

NO ONE TOLD ME that it would all be relatively easy to endure, and easy to heal from, so I was completely freaked out until the fentanyl took effect. (And, I have to say, wow, that felt really good...)

Anyway.....

When the fourth nurse was getting me ready for discharge, all she told us was to leave the bandage on for a day, and that I could shower after removing it, and to not lift anything heavy. No other instructions were given. She said I would need to request those from the ordering physician!

So, I rested the remainder of Monday, and first thing on Tuesday, I messaged my oncologist's office, to request recovery guidelines, and on WEDNESDAY, I got a response.

THAT was when I learned everything I really needed to know ahead of time.... that the procedure was safe, and minimally invasive, and that the recovery would be easy, with little pain and little chance of infection, and that I could return to normal acvitity in 72 hours, including being able to take a bath or soak in a hot tub.

UGH!

All that being said, my conversation with my friend also confirmed, for me, that it takes a long time to recover from that degree of intense stress, and that it's okay to still be tired, and sore (from having to lie face down, and hold my arms over my head- "like superman flying"- for 90 minutes.)...yeah, it was a few days ago, but my neck and shoulders still freaking hurt!

The chat was good for both of us, I think, as we both went through intense "stuff" this past week from which we are still healing.

My appointment to see my oncologist isn't until the 21st. The samples were sent to an external lab to identify specific mutations in the current form of cancer that has resisted my current chemo.

Those results will then be reviewed by the research team at OU, and they will determine next steps. In the meantime, I am to keep taking the current oral chemo, even though it doesn't seem to be working.

In other news, today is our 18th anniversary! We are going to make a nice brunch for ourselves, and go out for dinner tonight. We are going to a new to us Italian restaurant that looks really good. We had a good amount of rain overnight, so it will be like a steam bath by this afternoon, but for now, the cool morning fresh air is coming through open windows. It's lovely.

Have a good week!

Tomorrow

 While I was sitting in the waiting area for my bone treatment this past week, OU Health scheduling called to set up the bone biopsy.

I completed the call right before the nurse came to take us back for my treatment.

Needless to say, between that and my anxiety about potentially having another port-access fiasco, my blood pressure was high, HAHA!

Fortunately, I got a nurse who was familiar with me and my port this time, and she was able to confidently, and accurately access my port on the first try!  That was SUCH a relief!

The treatment was easy and quick this time.

We took my b.p. after my treatment, and it had improved, as one would imagine, but still showed the deeper anxiety about having to undergo a bone biopsy.

Anyway, the appointment is tomorrow, July 6th.  I have to be there at 11:30 for a 1:30 procedure.  They said I would be sedated, and that the procedure would take place under CT guidance.  They are taking a biopsy from somewhere in the right side of my sacrum.

I have NO idea what is involved, or how badly it will hurt afterward, or for how long.

I'm also nervous about recovery from sedation, since, after my surgery in 2015, I was violently ill (dry heaves, of course) upon waking up.  It was terrible. 

So, my anxiety level has been through the roof, as you might imagine.  I had a horrible nightmare about it last night, after the illegal fireworks FINALLY stopped around 3 am

I have done a little extra cleaning with my chores this weekend, since I don't know if I will be "out of commission" next week, and will cook up a batch of spaghetti and meatballs to portion up and freeze for next week, too.

A nearby friend, whom I have helped out many, many times, has offered to be available if I need anything.   I've asked her to make a batch of avgolemono soup to portion up and freeze, too.

In other news, my eye exam went fine, but my new glasses aren't ready yet, and now I don't know when I will be able to go get them, when they ARE ready, since I have that stuff happening tomorrow.  Oh well!

We had a big storm last night, with high winds and torrential rains.   It stopped the illegal fireworks for a while, but they picked up again the second the rain stopped, and were the worst they've ever been.

I loved the 4th of July growing up.... so many fond memories....but since moving here, it's become just another day.  Dave hates it, and it's always WAY too hot, so we don't do much of anything.   We get hot dogs, and I usually make a side dish.

This year, it was Grandma's three bean salad.  I was able to find Vidalia onions, and it turned out perfectly.

It's a shame that this year's weather ruined so many celebrations across the country.  Parades and fireworks shows were canceled due to extreme heat in some places, and flooding in others.

This should have been a big deal 4th....sigh.

Oh well.  Maybe it's a reflection of what's going on in this country.

Anyway, if you have the ability, please join me in hoping/praying/intending for a painless, nausea-free procedure tomorrow, and for a swift and manageable recovery.  Thank you. 

Scan results

 Well, when I had made it to after 5 pm on Friday evening, I thought I was in the clear.

The scan process itself went just fine this past Tuesday, though the long hours of fasting ended up going even longer because the cafeteria was closed when I got out of the scan..... so we had to go find me something to eat on the way home.

Anyway, my oncologist called just after 5 on Friday.  There IS new activity in the bones, and a couple of TINY spots elsewhere (liver and supra-clavian). 

She has ordered a bone biopsy, with the sample taken from the pelvis bones, which I do NOT look forward to.  

The reason for the biopsy is to identify the specific mutations that are taking place, which are causing the current chemo to no longer be effective.

Identifying the mutations will allow for a more accurate treatment plan for the next steps.

She is still hoping that we can do a clinical trial with a different oral drug.  That would be my preference, too....

They are getting the biopsy authorized by my insurance, and then they will call me to schedule it.

To say that I am pretty much terrified of this procedure is an understatement.

But, people undergo these kinds of procedures all the time, and they recover, and so will I.  My dad had one, but that was in 1997, and I would think that the method has improved since then. I can hope, anyway.

I just do not know how I will handle that kind of pain, or dealing with a hole in my lower back.  A friend has offered to help out, if I am incapacitated for a few days.

I have NO idea what to expect yet, so my mind is full of worst-case fantasies, and it's very stressful.  I'm also remembering my first biopsies, which were like medieval torture.

I am working on narrowing my focus, as it my usual practice. It really helps me manage my anxiety.  Yesterday, it was chores and reading.  Today, there is a baseball game to watch.

ANYWAY..... I am getting my eyes checked tomorrow, as our vision insurance through COBRA expires in the next few weeks.

(Pretty sure I am seeing the dentist before that one expires, too.... )

When we went to pick out Dave's new frames, I picked mine out, too, ahead of time.  They're really cute, and quite colorful, just like me! HAHA!

We finally got a decent amount of rain on Friday night, and now we are in the sauna, with highs in the upper 90s along with the high humidity, for the foreseeable future.

Ugh.

I despise this time of year.

This weekend is Pride in a lot of cities across the country.  We have gone before to show our support, but no way are we going this year.  Sigh.

Today is to be 98 with high winds.  The trees are already whipping around, and the wind chimes are clanking.

Oh, and my next bone treatment is Wednesday.  I will go for labs on Tuesday.

I am off to put away laundry, and make some iced tea.  Have a lovely week!

Summer Solstice Greetings

 Summer Solstice is here, and with it, another high heat warning for central Oklahoma.

All of the rain predicted recently has split up and gone past us, but there is more in the forecast, so we are hoping some of it actually falls on OKC....just not enough to cause flooding, please.

We are currently in an extreme drought, so some rain is much needed.  What we got last weekend was negligeable. 

My garden boxes continue to not thrive at all..... I am thinking we got a bad batch of organic raised bed soil.  It has been very frustrating.

My PET scan has been approved, and is scheduled for next Tuesday.  REALLY hoping the news is good... that the increased reflectivity is just the chemo doing its job.

Otherwise, we will be changing medications, and starting over with a new set of side effects, which I do not relish the thought of.

Yesterday, I attended a gathering of local people taking the same courses that I am taking. We celebrated the Summer Solstice.  It was lovely, and I felt at ease, though it took a substantial amount of will power to make myself go ... alone, and to meet with strangers, some of whom I had "met" on line.

Now I have gone to one of the gatherings, and know what to expect, and hopefully will be able to go to the next one!

Some of them are held here in OKC, some are much further away, so we shall see.

We are off to a special "bacon brunch" at the local Irish Pub this morning.  I think it was scheduled for today in honor of Father's day.

Dave is looking forward to it, and I hope I can muster up a good appetite by the time we get there for our 11 o'clock reservation.

Have a good week! Happy Solstice, and Happy Father's Day to anyone reading this who celebrates those things.

"Rainy day, dream away..."

 After some brutally hot, windy days, we got the weather front they'd been promising.  It's to be a HIGH of 75 today, and it rained on and off through last night.

AHHHHHH!  The windows are open, and the fresh air smells so good!

It might rain a bit more today, too. Fingers crossed.

My oncologist said that there are some areas of "increased reflectivity" on the nuclear bone scan results, so she is working on getting a PET scan authorized by my insurance.  

To be clear, there were no NEW spots, but some of the previous spots looked different.

She is relieved that I have no new, or increased pain (mostly, I have NO pain in those areas), and just wants to be sure this is not progression of the cancer, but merely the chemo doing its job.

Unfortunately, I have to undergo another scan to make this determination, and it's the kind of scan my insurance likes to deny.

SO, we shall see.  It could take weeks to find out.

Dave had his echocardiogram on Friday, and looked at the report on MyChart on Friday evening.  All is well!  

He still has substantial swelling in his feet and ankles by the end of every day, but they usually look normal in the morning, which they were not before he started on the Lasix.  

Hopefully, the solution is that he just needs to get out of that damned chair, and be more active.

He's also decreasing his alcohol intake, which I have asked him to do for over a decade... so that's a positive change, too!

Our kitties seem to be adapting to Annabel's absence.  Frank has become MARKEDLY more affectionate, and it's a wonderful thing!

After a few days of quiet, the boys are romping and playing together again, and getting back to their normal routine.

I need to get my usual every-3-weeks blood draw on Monday, which is a walk in (no appointment needed), but other than that, neither of us has any appointments this coming week....which is lovely.  

That is, unless they get me in for the PET, which is highly doubtful.

It's supposed to be cooler for a few days, so maybe Dave can finally force himself to get out and remove the saplings and choking vines from the flower bed out front.

The new mower works really well, and he got the back yard mowed one day last week, and has effectively fired our lawn crew.

Today, I am going to do my usual Sunday things.... a little laundry, and the next lesson in my spiritual course, and maybe watch the Cubs game.  

The game is supposed to be on regular broadcast tv, and sometimes our local network affiliate channel won't show games that are with teams that aren't of local interest.  If there's a different line up for a more popular regional team, they will show that instead.

It's not fair, but then, neither are the MLB tv black outs.  Sigh.

Anyway, have a good week! 

Goodbye, Annabel

Back in April, our Annabel started having coughing fits, wasn't eating as much, and wasn't being her usual active self, so we took her to the vet.

(I posted about it here, but I can't remember the date, and don't feel like scrolling back.)

The vet did a thorough physical exam, and said her heart and lungs sounded fine, and that her trachea felt fine, so he speculated that maybe it was allergies, like we were all having at the time.  He gave her a steroid injection, like the ones Pete had been getting previously, that would last a month.

He said to get back in touch if she wasn't better at the end of the month, and he would do more extensive testing.  

She did really well at first, though she still wasn't eating as much.  The coughing stopped, but she still wasn't her old self, running and playing, and having her "corner yodeling" sessions.

(when she was having her "zoomies," she would go into various corners, and YOWL.... then RUN through the house)

We would be out of town when the steroid wore off, but we let her be, as she seemed to be feeling better with the steroid still working.

Then, we were gone for 8 days, during which time the steroid wore off.  

Our cat sitter said Annabel seemed like her normal self, and she said that the food was always all gone when she'd come back the next day, but when we got home from our trip, Annabel seemed even skinnier than she was before we left.

She wasn't coughing, that we knew of, but she was hiding more, so we kept an eye on her during our first week back in town, and determined that we would call the vet on June 1st and take her back for more testing.

Well, sadly, we didn't make it to Monday June 1st.   

Last Sunday morning, Dave heard her having an extended coughing fit that I didn't know about until later in the day.

She hid all day, until around 5 pm, when I was getting ready to make dinner.  At that point, she came out of her hiding place, flopped down on the dining room floor, and was in OBVIOUS respiratory distress.

Dave pulled up local emergency vets (we never want to go back to the place we took Sammie), selected one, and off we went.

After checking us in, they put her in an oxygen chamber that had little doors so we could reach in and comfort her.  

The oxygen didn't seem to be helping, so they gave her an injection to relax her, and slow her breathing, so they could do an ultrasound.  The injection worked, and she was able to breathe more normally.

The ultrasound revealed our greatest fears.  Apparently, that coughing fit in the morning had ruptured something, and her lungs and pericardium were filled with fluid.  There was also a mass in one of her lungs.

The vet said we could go through the ordeal (and expense) of draining off the fluid, but that we might end up back in the e/r at 2 am, or the next day.... He said there wasn't much that could be done, so we decided to let her go.

Annabel Lee was 13 years old, and had been the first female cat I have ever loved.  May her little spirit rest peacefully.  I hope her beloved Jack was there at the rainbow bridge to meet her.

I held her as she went to sleep, and her ashes are now ready to be picked up.  I will be cleaning our little "shrine to the lost ones," so that her ashes can be placed there with respect and love when we bring them home.

It seemed so very sudden.  SO, it's been a long week, with lots and lots of random tears.   I burst into tears when I opened a can of tuna, and Annabel didn't come running, meowing as she ran, to beg for the "juice."  Sigh.

There will be no new adoption here, either.  Two cats are plenty to keep up with, especially when one has a chronic health issue.

Speaking of Pete, he is doing better after his increased steroid dosage for a while.  He is now off of that, and we will (hopefully) go back to "as needed."

In other news, I had my scans on Monday, and all went smoothly.  No long delays like that last time.  No phone calls this week from the oncologist, so I feel relatively confident that the results were favorable.

I see her on Tuesday to find out for sure.

Dave has been getting good results from the lasix his PCP ordered to address his swollen ankles, and he has been trying to not sit as much, though it doesn't seem to happen every day.

He has an echocardiogram this coming Friday, to be sure we are not dealing with anything more serious than him being sedentary.

We got a new lawn mower on Friday, and gave the old one to a friend with a smaller lawn.

Once the lawn dries out from the rain we have had this weekend (some but not enough), Dave has said he will start mowing regularly as part of his effort to be more active.  If the weather is really hot, he will mow early in the morning.

No more paying someone to mow.

Today, I will do a few chores, and the next lesson in my course.  Have a good week.

To sleep, perchance to dream.....

 This past week, the insomnia has been BAD.

But last night, at last, I slept, and I slept for nearly 12 hours! 

Hopefully, the fatigue I have been experiencing will start to wane a bit with quality sleep coming back.

Tomorrow is scan day.  

OU health is already billing me far more than my out of pocket, and now they will be sending another $21,000 claim to my insurance (the nuclear bone scan is $20K, the CT around $1K).

I am waiting to pay the bill they keep sending until my insurance finishes processing all of the line items. Apparently, they have not completed that yet, and OU should NOT be billing me for items not yet processed.

I have not received any denial notices, so I will not pay more than my out of pocket unless my insurance denies something, and then, only if they denial any appeal my provider might send.

Anyway, scans are at the big hospital again, which is not my preference, but the good part is that their bone scanner is more modern than the one in the physicians' building, and it only takes 20 minutes, where the one in physicians' takes 40.

Often, though, at the hospital, I have to walk for miles, depending on where they put me in for the CT.  Last time, we had to go the entire length of the hospital to use the CT scanner in the emergency department, so I will be wearing my walking shoes!

It's going to be very hot here for a few days.  We did get a good soaking rain on Friday morning, but it only amounted to about a half inch, officially.

My re-seeded garden box already has beet and radish sprouts!  The fresh seeds were the key, but now I will have to remember to water every evening during this ridiculous heat.

Our yard was very overgrown when we got back from our trip, so we had to hire the lawn crew to mow it. Then, it took a whole week for the lawn crew to show up, so some of the stuff in the back yard was knee high.

They came yesterday, and, even after being specifically told NOT to, they mowed down my herb garden AGAIN.  We even had a barricade in front of the herbs and he stuck his weed whacker BEHIND it.

I was furious.... my oregano plant was gorgeous.  Dave texted the boss, and all he said was "Okay, sorry." We are never hiring them again....that's twice they've done this.

That being said, Dave wants to start mowing the yard himself, anyway....which we DO, unless it's too overgrown, or the weather is too hot.  I often do the back yard, which is larger, and he does the front, but now he wants to do it all.

(Dave saw his regular doctor last week, and has suddenly decided that he needs more exercise, and to reduce his alcohol consumption.... things I have been telling him for years, LOL....

Whatever it takes, and Thanks Doc!!) 

Our electric mower is older, and doesn't have the power to do the whole yard in one day, so Dave wants to get a new mower, and we will give this older one, which still works, to a friend who has a much smaller yard, and who needs a mower.

All good!

Other than my scans, Dave has another appointment this coming week, and we are getting our summer time tune up done for the HVAC system, and that friend is coming to pick up the mower at some point.

I have started doing my workouts again, and managed to lose the 3 pounds I gained (on vacation) over the course of the past 8 days.

Yay!

Sadly, it will be too icky outside for several days for us to take walks (for me, mostly, as I have zero tolerance for hot weather), but we have the pedal machine, and I have been using it since the wellness study.  Will have to rely on that, and maybe some dancing around the house, for my cardio.

Wishing one and all a good week!