Just. Wow.

Maybe it's a short coming.  Maybe it's a blessing.

But my natural tendency is to think the best of people.  To trust them.  To take them at their word.

My family knows that this has gotten me into trouble, especially with men, in my past.

However, there are things in our natures that we cannot change.  There are things we shouldn't change.

I am not an innocent. I just tend to have faith in people.

I gave notice at Integris Physicians Billing Service, and it was announced to all of my co workers by the middle of this past week.

I have gotten some very sincere congratulations, and some heart felt good wishes.  Even a nice card and gift from one sweetie.

But the part that really, truly stuns and amazes me....is the bullshit I have now seen revealed.

I have gotten sneers.  I have gotten "shame on you," and "you're a traitor,"  and one who actually IS a friend has told me that my former work buddies are "snitching on" me.

He said that it's good that I am going when I am....because a shit storm is brewing up with my name all over it.

Snitching on me?  Shit storm?

For WHAT?!

I have done nothing, absolutely nothing, but keep my head down, work harder than anyone else, and been friendly and kind to EVERYONE.  Even the ones I do not like.

Because I tend to think the best of people, and I cannot be unkind to ANYONE.

(I think this makes it so I am always shocked when people turn against me or don't like me.  I know, logically, that not EVERYBODY can like me....but sometimes the acid with which people express their dislike really does surprise me. Maybe because I can't do the same to others.)

So, if anyone is snitching, they have to be making up lies. 

There is NOTHING in my work record to snitch about.  There has been NOTHING in my behavior or treatment of others to snitch about.  I have been the exemplary employee, all sweetness and kindness and hard working.

But the situation in that office is such that those who are NOT looking for new jobs to beat the race to outsource are probably not CAPABLE of looking for new jobs.

They were lucky to get this job, because they are borderline illiterate, or they lied about having a high school diploma and have gotten away with it so far.  Or they have no credit.

And the management is the same way.  My boss's boss can't write a business letter.  And she's the operations manager, and she just got a big fat promotion ahead of the outsource.

Yeah.

So-that aside...the ones who are sticking around are desperate.  They are holding on to the corporate lies (and they are getting THICK), and they are holding out hope that there will be jobs offered after the outsource dust settles.

What they are thinking is that they have to make themselves look as good as possible so that they make the cut.

So, they are making stuff up in an effort to build themselves up.

That's the only reason I can think of.....because, while I have complained about work here, and in other formats, I have never, ever said anything to anyone at work, and I have always excelled at what they have given me to do.

This has never gotten me anywhere, because I am an outsider....my former boss even joked once about the only reason she ever spoke to me about anything was to hear my goofy Chicago accent.

No, really. She did.

But.. I have a work ethic, and so, I have kept working hard, even after telling Dave "I really should relax and do what everyone else here does...watch talk shows on my computer, shop on line, sit around and talk....but I CAN'T!"

Anyway, despite my decreasing wages (3 pay cuts in 3 years), and being penalized for not clocking in at EXACT TIMES while my cube mates come and go whenever they want, manipulating their times so they can sleep at lunch, etc....I turn in log sheets with 80-100 tasks a day, compared to those I have seen of my team mates, which have 15-30.  Literally.

And my team mates have both been there 15 years.

One of them is sincerely incapable of writing a sentence.  She literally writes at a second grade level..IF that.

I know. She has had me proof read and correct all of her emails and letters for 3 and a half years.  She has had me pre-write letters for her to keep in her computer for after I'm gone.

 I completely re-wrote her resume so she wouldn't look like a complete idiot when she has to apply for whatever job they offer her after the transition.

I have helped her keep up with her work, because she can't do it herself.

That's just how I roll....

But knowing her story as well as I do leads me to suspect the desperation I mentioned above.

So, anyway...One of my other friends said "you HAD to know this kind of thing would happen! You KNOW these people!"

But, no, I didn't.  I really, really didn't know this kind of thing would happen.  I haven't seen it happen with any of the 10 who left before me.  Why me?

She couldn't answer that one.

Dave says "That's why I hate people."

But I don't hate people.  I can't.

And this, this....really hurts.

But it also makes it really, really easy to walk away.  And I can't wait to do that!

Done

The anxiety was really getting to me yesterday, and I dreaded the thought of having this whole weekend to be dreading giving notice first thing Monday.

So I did it last thing yesterday.  My notice period still starts first thing Monday...but the news has already been given.

And it was SUCH a relief!!!

My supervisor was pleasant and kind about it...what else could she be?  She said we all have to do what is best for us in this situation.

She did NOT say "gosh, I hate to see YOU go..."  since I'm one of the few there who actually, you know, WORKS.

But the truth is?  She doesn't give a rat's ass.  She doesn't care.  All she cares about it if SHE will have a job when this bullshit process is all over.

Next I am supposed to notify my new supervisor of how it went.  I guess she wants to be sure they don't try to keep me.  HAH.  They're in attrition.  They can't.

Or maybe she wanted to know if they walked me when I gave notice.  They can't do that, either.  There are corporate exit policies, and since there are absolutely NO grounds to dismiss me, they have to honor my notice period.

Overall, I have been very unhappy at INTEGRIS Physician Billing Service.  The "management" in that office is a pure clusterfuck.

Which is, without a doubt, precisely WHY this outsource is taking place.  Duh.

I am very glad to be leaving.  The outsourcing just lit a fire under my ass to get me moving sooner rather than later.

Good bye to utterly mind numbingly boring work,  idiots at every turn, and being underpaid and overworked while colleagues are over paid and do almost nothing.

I am OUTIE!!!  Well, in 2 weeks, anyway.  But between now and then?  You can bet your ass, I am going to enjoy that thought EVERY DAY.

OH, and yesterday was our 5th anniversary, and was the anniversary of Grandma's birthday...so it was an auspicious occasion in many ways.

We went out for a very overpriced and surprisingly disappointing dinner.  Our former favorite place for a pricey night out....the Cafe Do Brasil.  The food just wasn't.... worth $100!!!!  VERY unhappy about that.  Oh well.

We have other favorite places.  That one's off the list now.

Dave found me a GORGEOUS wooden dragonfly wall piece that is basically a Celtic knot.  It's so cool!  I will have to get a picture of it up here soon.

We came home, watched a movie, and went to sleep.  Not a very romantic or remarkable anniversary. No flowers. No cards from either of us.

Dave said that's because we got married too old.  HAH!  I think it's just the heat, and the stress I've been under.  Sigh.

I think next year will be better because it will be on a weekend.

Today's mail brought the lease renewal from my condo tenant.  DEEP RELIEF when that comes!!!  One more year of not having to worry about what to do with the place.

Oh, and Dave put in for a different job at work.  He interviews for it next week up in Tulsa.  It COULD mean a possible move up to Tulsa.

I can't think about that right now.  Wait and see.

Had my trip to the foot doctor Monday. He said nothing's wrong on the xrays, which is good.  He said I probably chipped off a bit of cartilage doing a turn in dance.  He said those kinds of things can cause the intermittent pain that lasts for weeks.   I am to call if the pain starts up again.

It's been gone since the day after I made the appointment, of course.

Had the gyne on Monday, too.  She gave me a scrip for some Xanax for the anxiety.  It it helping SO MUCH, but I can only take a quarter of a tablet at a time.  Wow.

She did the annual blood draw, still waiting for the usual phone call that tells me something is amiss.  It hasn't come yet.  If there is no phone call, that means my numbers are all normal!!!  That's what I am hoping for.  If I don't get a call by Tuesday, I will call them.  I always ask for a copy of the results, too.

If my blood fats are NORMAL, that tells me without a doubt that the "Paleo" diet we have been trying to keep to is the best thing I've tried....and the funny part is that it runs counter to all of the "low fat low cholesterol" instructions we have been given for years!!

Oh well....I could still get a call telling me my cholesterol is too high.

Dave is outside cleaning out the shed this evening.  He started a few hours ago...it's 100 in the shade, and he's working outside.  He is going to be very tired tonight.

Keeping him hydrated with home made lemonade, coconut water, and ice cold beer.

Home made black bean soup for dinner....I know it seems odd for hot weather, but I just....wanted it!

Keep on keepin on!

So...this darned flower bed!

With the torrential rains we had this spring, almost all of the soil we installed 2 years ago washed away.  My plantings of blanket flower from last year did not survive, so these plants are new.  However, the black eyed susans came back, but they look very spindly.

But I AM DETERMINED to make this work!

Back in early spring, I found and re-located some peony bushes from a horrible spot to the back of this bed, and they're struggling to get established.  Having all of the dirt washed away killed one of them.

The ornamental grasses are doing fine in the spot where that icky little atlas cedar tree was, but everything else, including the spring bulbs, is really having a hard time.  I got no daffodil blooms this year, and the tulips came up, but then got devastated by a wind storm that blew them flat to the ground.

It's been looking like crap, so yesterday, we purchased another 400 pounds of soil and RE-filled the bed with fresh soil.

I carefully spread the soil around the plants that are  in the bed, including the ones I planted this year (new canna plants included, since the bulbs I bought and planted last year were clearly "duds.)

Added a really great looking yellow cone flower plant, and some coleus that we picked up for CHEAP at an "end of season" sale.  Yeah, it's the end of the season here already because the intense heat is coming.

Now there are pretty, house-color-scheme matching coleus in the window box, scattered in the bed, and in the box at the end of the porch (along with some marigolds and a creeping phlox I put in this spring that I am not sure is going to survive).

It looks a LOT better today than it did yesterday morning, and I am amazed that I was out there working in 95 degree heat yesterday for 2 solid hours, and never got a head ache!

Maybe my days of heat related migraines, that started in my 30's, are over?  One can hope.

Anyway, there are some pics of the plants that are doing okay, and a shot Dave took of the whole bed after I watered everything in.

Fingers crossed!

Next step is to create some kind of barrier so that the rains won't wash this load of soil away.  We have a plan, all we need is the money to carry it out.  Some day. 

Affirmation

I got an offer on the job.  It was for less than I make now, even after a very candid discussion during my interview about income requirements.

I said I'd have to think about it because of the pay cut.
(keeping in mind that the big boss who was invited in to my interview process came right out and said "we don't get raises.")

My potential boss said she'd double check the pay when she was back in the office (she actually contacted me to offer me the job WHILE she was on vacation. What does THAT tell you?)

When she got back to me, the pay was .50c an hour higher than it was originally, and she said that was the best she could do.

That's a .07c an hour increase from where I am now.  And if I never get another raise, at least I won't be going DOWN from where I am now, like my pay has done three times at my current job.

I tossed and turned for a couple of nights.  Then I said yes.

If she accepts my affirmation and my current employers notice requirements, I will start my new job on Monday, July 29, 2013.

DEEEEEEEP SIGH OF RELIEF!!!

it IS true!

...well, at least I hope it is.

What, you may ask, is true?

That the summers in central Oklahoma really aren't always as bad as the ones I've lived through since moving here.

It was 104 this past Thursday, and I thought, yeah...right...

It was in the 90's leading up to that 104 this past week...but, really, given the fact that this was the first really hot week this year, and the past 3 summers all started to get that hot by the end of May...I was starting to maybe sort of believe the stories.

But then.
 Then....

The forecast said it would "only" be 90 yesterday, and in the 60s last night.

And.

It happened.

Right now, in the middle of the afternoon on the last day of June, 2013, it's ONLY 82 degrees, and the HEAT INDEX?  THE HEAT INDEX IS 81!!!

NOT KIDDING!

Last 4th of July it was 112, if I recall correctly.  It was 98 that night when we were trying to watch fireworks from a roof top parking garage down town.

It had been in the low 100's every day for weeks by then last summer.

The summer before was the hottest summer ever recorded in any place at any time. 

The forecast for all of this coming week?

80's during the days, and 60's at night.  This is what I have been told is "more normal" until about August.  THEN, in August, it goes up into the 90s and 100's.

But my past 3 summers have been literally 3 solid months of over 100 degrees every. single. day.

Dave and his son are at the movies today, but to me, this day is such a glorious gift, I could not handle the thought of sitting in a cool movie theater to escape this kind of beauty!

SO I have been out pulling weeds, and doing some yard work, or just sitting on the porch, or under the willow tree out front.

It's HEAVENLY out there! 

I even convinced Dave to open the windows this morning, and leave them that way for me.  I hate having to live in air conditioning 24/7.  It makes my bones hurt!  So this day is a true respite, and it's perfect!

In other news, there is no other news.

I realized that the lady I was waiting to hear from about the possible job was on vacation last week, because her daughter, the person who put her and me in touch with each other, was posting pictures of the family's annual vacation.  The FAMILY ALL GOES.

My potential boss neglected to tell me that she would be out of town last week when she called me the week before to go fill out paperwork.

So, when I realized there was not going to be a phone call last week, I was able to let go of that little shred of anxiety.

Then, my condo tenant did NOT SEND ME an intent to vacate notice last week, either....and now his time is up, so I have to assume he's staying another year.

There went that little shred of anxiety.

Ahhh.....

Felt really sick last night, and went to bed while it was still light out.   Never did throw up, but sat on the bathroom floor next to the toilet for an hour in anticipation.  Ugh.  Skipped dinner, so there's that much extra left overs for lunches this week.

That little shred of anxiety is gone...

Anyway, slept all the way til 7 this morning and feel much better today.  Drinking coconut water and had miso soup for lunch.  That's helping restore my internal balance.

Back outside now....need to pull up the garlic I planted last fall.  The bulbs are small, but if I don't pull them, they'll just rot in the ground.  Home grown garlic....I hope it's good!!

vacation sum up

This past week has been the bees' knees!

Sleeping late and being at ease Saturday through Wednesday.... got errands done without pressure, did cooking projects without pressure... we even got pedicures!
( I think I mentioned that in my last post?)

We took bike rides, and we did a little work in the yard, and we took walks.  Those first 5 days passed BLISSFULLY slowly.

I actually relaxed, and laughed, and felt like myself for a while!!!  Ahhhh......

Wednesday, I got an email from the potential job.  I called, and they said that they were sorry, but I still have to fill out the official paperwork for the job app, and the back ground check.

Since their office flooded with those storms that knocked out our power, and they've been experiencing some chaos as a result, I could forgive that.

So, after our pedicures, I went over there in my flip flops and tie dye, and filled out the forms.

She said it would be at least 5 days for the background and credit checks.  Yes, they do credit checks now as part of pre employment screening.

What the fuck?  But it's the norm these days.

She said, and I quote, "I'd like to make you an offer, but I can't until you get through the checks."

So...that was good news.  It caused me some anxiety on Wednesday, but I got over it.

Anyway, all in all, Saturday through Wednesday were LOVELY!!!

I love a good staycation.

Then, Thursday (here's the part I didn't want to post about until it was over....not good to advertise that you're going out of town!), we headed up to Kansas City and Independence, MO for a meet up with my sister, brother in law, and some of his family.

I was really surprised at how pretty northern OK and Kansas are!  There was a stretch of the trip that was absolutely gorgeous.... just the highway, pastures, and the sky.  No billboards, no utility poles, no buildings...just green, rolling hills.

Anyway, the meetup was a good time!  We stayed at a quirky little hotel that used to be an office building with a fall out shelter!  It was located right across the street from Harry and Bess Truman's house.  How cool is that?

That was all a pleasant surprise for me, because I had no idea we were staying in Independence, and I further did not remember that Mr. President called that his home town!

So that was a big bonus!  I wish I could have told my Grandma about it...she was a HUGE Harry Truman supporter and fan, being a regular gal herself.

Did you know he had no college education?  He was just a regular joe, who ended up in the white house.  It's no wonder she loved him.

We did a little bit of the walking tour in our "neighborhood," which was so nice and quiet, and we explored the old downtown of Independence.  Such a cute town!  We loved it!

Even stopped at the soda fountain in the place that used to be the drug store where Harry Truman worked his first job as a teen.  It's not the old fashioned drug store anymore, but it DOES still have the original soda fountain!

We also spent lots of time with my sister and brother in law and his relations.  Ate some rather disappointing barbecue at a couple of different places (either I just don't like KC style bbq, or we never found the good stuff), went to a Kansas City Royals baseball game against the Chicago White Sox.  It was a pathetic game.

And I'm a Cubs fan...I KNOW FROM PATHETIC!!

Of course, the White Sox fans among us thought the game was GREAT!  *roll eyes*

Toured the Boulevard Brewing Company factory.  We can buy Boulevard beers in OKC, but apparently, it's not available back home.  That was fun, and pretty interesting!

Took a tour of the Truman house, and saw the Truman library, before we met up for good byes on Saturday.

On the way home, we stopped at a winery we had seen signs for in Kansas.  Got some traditional elderberry wine, some rose`, and some absolutely fabulous elderberry mead!!

We took our time coming home, and got in around 9 pm Saturday.  I did the laundry last night to get it over with, and soaked in a nice bath before bed.

Then, despite having to get up a couple of times in the night, I slept SO WELL in my own bed!!

All in all, it was only one full day there, with the addition of Thursday night, and Saturday morning.

Not enough time, that's for sure.  But lots of fun packed into the time we DID have.

Today's finale to our 9 days of vacation?  Grocery shopping, and just hanging around the house.   I cooked up some breakfast items for the week, and since I took time during the week off to stock up for lunches, that was all I HAD to get done today.

It's 8 pm on the last day....for me, this is a very sad feeling, since I really hate my job, and hate to have to go back...but I have a little ray of hope, at least.....maybe I'll get a new job offer before this next week is over.

Maybe.

Vacation

So, we decided to take a week off, even though we aren't really going anywhere for vacation this year.

I, for one, REALLY NEEDED time off from work.  The tension is incredible.  People are quitting and not being replaced, and the politics are heating up.

There will be a scramble for whatever jobs are left after the outsource.

I had an interview a couple of weeks ago, and got a call back to go take a test. No news yet.

They had said they hoped to have a decision (it's between me and two internal applicants) by this past Friday.

Oh well.

I either didn't get it, which would be okay, or they didn't decide yet.

It was kind of a fluke.  When the horrible tornado ripped through Moore on May 20, I struggled for a couple of days to get in touch with a former co worker who lives down there.

When we finally made contact (she and her entire family were all fine), we messaged back and forth a bit, we talked about how she left our office at a good time...and she said her mom's company was probably going to be hiring soon.

SO it was an opportunity that just sort of presented itself.

Anyway,  cooking stuff today.  Made a big breakfast casserole/crustless quiche kind of thing that will freeze nicely.  Pulled pork is going in the crock pot, and later, Coq au Vin.

Tomorrow, maybe get pedicures (Dave LOVES them), and then I work at the studio.

Dance class Tuesday night.

During the course of the week, I hope to cook more healthy stuff to stock up.  We got into bad habits when Louie was sick, and have not broken them again yet.

We know that we maintain our weight and our well being a LOT better when we follow a mostly "paleo" diet style.  Gotta get back to it. Thus today's projects.

As the week progresses, we'll also go thrift shopping, see a movie, and enjoy, most of all, no 5:45 alarms!!

Nothing really planned for a few days.  It's a good thing!!!