Sorry...

... I was in a 20 hour intensive workshop over the weekend and didn't have time to blog...I'll be back this weekend! 

Decisions

It's been a rough couple of weeks for the Bowen men, but they've pulled together and decided to place their dad in a memory care facility where his needs will be met full time.

Yesterday, Larry came down from Kansas, and he and his wife, and Eric, went and toured a facility close to where dad is right now in the rehab center.

They liked it a lot.  Then, Larry and Denise went on to another one for a tour, and dropped Dave and Eric off at our house.

The report was just as good on that one, so Dave will go today and check it out.

Dad needs somewhere to go on Friday.

Eric has suddenly reappeared on the scene with reports of a new girlfriend.  I hope she's good for him.  So far, that seems pretty obvious.

OH, and they took my advice (!) and put the dog in a boarding facility, where he is doing really well!

I went ahead and went to yoga class, and got my massage yesterday, and stayed out of the way.  This is supposed to be the job of the sons TO THE EXCLUSION of their wives.  It's specified in the trust paperwork.

Unfortunately, last night, I came down with a stomach bug of some kind, and spent the evening being violently ill.

If I have to be grateful about something, it's that it happened THIS weekend, since I am in a 20 our intensive workshop next weekend at the dance studio.

I've had enough of being sick now, thank you very much.

First, a nasty cold that I could not stay home and rest for during the "time off freeze" at work. It turned into a sinus infection because I couldn't take care of myself.

Today is the last day of the antibiotic being in my system..... and then that happened last night.

I have not been that kind of sick for many years. NOT EVEN during the most dangerous and intensive phases of chemo! 

My jaw, abdomen, and neck are sore from the forceful vomiting.  UGH!

Once that part was over, thought, I felt a LOT better, and was able to get some sleep.

At the moment, water is staying down, and I will warm up some broth next.

I was going to go with Dave to check on Pop's house, take in the mail, clean out the fridge, etc.... and tour that other facility with him, but I will be doing no such thing.

Weekend Update

Pop stayed in the hospital for 4 days, which wasn't purely necessary, but was engineered, by the doctors and social worker, to qualify him to be transferred from the hospital to a cardiac rehab facility.
There, he will have two weeks to adapt to his new heart medication, and to be trained on using a walker.

That was FAR preferential to sending him directly home, where he does NOT have full time care, and, most importantly, allow for time for the family to decide what to do next.

The brothers have talked at length, and after Dave was accused, and then exonerated, of trying to "get rid of dad," the serious discussion of where Pop should go next was finally engaged.

The full exoneration came about when reports of Pop's behavior at the rehab center started to come in.

Other than his usual delusions, Pop was physically violent with a nurse, and caused her to fall.

This backs up Dave's experiences with Pop as valid, in the brothers' eyes, at long last.

In the meantime, Pop's care giver has been hired as a dog sitter, and she goes to the house twice a day.  She walks the dog, and plays with him.

Dave has to go today, because she wanted a day off.

That poor dog....he's so lonely.  We are hoping to arrange for him to visit pop eventually, but right now, he can't, and the poor thing spends most of his hours alone.

I've suggested boarding him, but that has not been considered.  I think it would be better for him to be around people and other dogs, but my opinion doesn't count.

In other news, I have been sick all week.

My employer institutes an annual "time off freeze" in January and February, to punish us for being so greedy with taking time off during the holidays.

Even though they strictly limit the amount of time you can take off during the holidays.

Hmmm.... how exactly do we abuse the time off, if you don't let us take what we want? 

Anyway, during the freeze, you are not allowed to take any time off for sick or vacation, and are only allowed to make up a maximum of 2 hours a week if you have a doctor appointment or something.  You ARE also allowed to use FMLA.  You may take off for emergencies, too, but are given the usual "occurrence" mark on your attendance record.

This past week, I had my dentist appointment.

I have to go every 6 months, due to my ongoing cancer treatment (the bone building injections can damage jaw tissue, and the hormone blocker causes drymouth), but since it's not directly related to the cancer, I can't use FMLA.

It's not my fault that the date falls during the time off freeze, but I am required to make up the time.

SO, when did I get sick?  The same week as my dental appointment, when I had to make up an hour and 45 minutes of time off, AND I had FMLA time for my monthly injection, too.

That left me 15 minutes to go home and rest, if I wanted to make that up, too.

As a result, I had to work through having a fever and being miserable.  Unable to stay home and rest,  what might have just been a simple head cold turned into a sinus infection.

(funny side note:  at our monthly team meeting, the big boss talked about colds and flu, and how he preferred that we stay home if we are sick.... he clearly is unaware of the special rules we have to abide by in our department.  Special rules that were never approved by the board, and are not in the employee hand book)

Doc approved an antibiotic for me, and we picked that up on the way home from my injection appointment.

Then, Friday was Dave's 60th birthday, and we had tickets to a show we had been looking forward to for WEEKS.

I went, but I felt like crap, and didn't have much fun.

Yesterday, I was FINALLY able to rest, and BOY, did I!  Dave did all of the errands, and I stayed inside and warm.  I napped and read.  I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep last night, but I was wrong!

Today, my body is achy from being so sedentary.

Funny how that works!

I do feel a lot better now, though.  I'm three days into the antibiotic, and no longer have green goo coming out of my nose.

I'll have another easy day today, mostly.

After the chaos of last weekend, maybe we will get the taxes done today between Dave's trips to take care of the dog.


ADDENDUM:  The brothers have decided to board the dog!  Hallelujah!

Elder care

Well, Dave's dad fell and hit his head again.

The care giver got there for her Saturday visit, found Pop, and took him to the E/R.  Dave got the text literally as he was driving down for his weekly check in.

Dave notified his eldest brother, who has, up until now, refused to consider putting Pop in assisted living, and letting Dave deal with incidents like this (and other things) over and over.

Dave suffers from his mother's mental health issues, and is here alone with no decision making power,  and Mike does not seem to understand the impact this pressure has on Dave.

Anyway, they did a CT on Pop, and his head is fine.  It's just a surface wound, but he has an irregular heart beat, so they transferred him to a bigger hospital, where they have a cardiac unit.

That's where they kept him overnight.  Dave took the nurses a list of Pop's medications, went by the house and made sure the dog went out, was fed, and there were lights on.

It appears that, when Pop fell, he must have been in the kitchen, because the faucet has been torn out of it's place in the sink.

My guess is Pop was at the sink, his irregular heart beat made him dizzy or faint, and he reflexively grabbed the faucet as he was going down, or he fell TOWARD the sink.

Dave hasn't gotten details from the care giver yet as to where she found Pop, or why the mop was in the kitchen, too.

My guess is she cleaned up any blood from his head wound.

Pop's spirits were pretty good last night, but he has no memory of what happened, which is typical.  He has dementia, and doesn't remember anything anyway.

Dave is headed down there this morning.  First, he'll stop at the house, let the dog out, turn lights off, and collect some clean clothes to take to Pop.

My guess is that they'll keep Pop until some time Monday, after they do a few more tests.

In other news, we got the bills for Dave's stress test that took place in December.  Suddenly, we have to come up with $1000.00

I am grateful that it wasn't more like $3000.00

(We HAD planned to do our taxes today, so we can get our refund, and pay the bills, but then this happened with Pop.)

The stress test results shows that Dave has a little valve regurgitation (a valve that was damaged by scarlet fever when he was a kid), and some thickening of the right ventricle.

Nothing to be overly concerned about, but that needs to be monitored none the less.  For a man of almost 60 (his birthday is this coming Friday) who had a heart attack almost 10 years ago, his heart is in good shape.

He also is being put on stronger blood pressure medication, and a higher dose of statins.

Sigh....

This, after our "new" net pay for the year has revealed a $200 per month drop (due to increased cost of benefits, and my starting to finally contribute to a retirement account for myself).

Just freaking great.

Be that as it may, BEFORE we got those bills, and before we realized our monthly net income loss, we spent $50 on tickets for a dinner show to celebrate Dave's birthday.

We're looking forward to it.  It's "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" at the drag club we've been to a few times.

Our friend Lindsay, whose birthday is a day or two before Dave's, is meeting us there.  Should be fun!  Dave needs some fun....and we won't be able to afford much in the coming weeks and months.

ADDENDUM:  Mike sent an email to Dave and their other brother, Larry.  He's finally open to considering placing Pop in an assisted living environment.  I think it was Dave saying last night:  How many times are you willing to let Dad fall and split his head open before you'll think about moving him?"

Not much....

Not much to report on this week.

The three day weekend (due to Monday being a holiday for us) was lovely.  Aside from Dave not feeling well, of course.

We got Dave to urgent care on Sunday afternoon, and missed the march.  He did NOT have the flu, so that was good news.

He's feeling better now, just still dealing with a lot of nasal discharge.

I, thankfully, never caught the virus from him.

The four days at work were long and tedious.  It's funny how short weeks can feel so long!

Yesterday, Dave got his Christmas gift massage, and I got my regular monthly massage.

I missed December, though, because the therapist was dealing with family issues.  I am sore today because of that missed session!

Went to Yoga class again yesterday.  I am really liking it.

Then, last night, we finally got in the hot tub for the first time in several weeks.

You'd think that, between Yoga, a massage, a couple of delicious cocktails, and the tub, I would have slept really well.  Sadly, I did not.  BUT, there was no reason to get up this morning, so we stayed in bed until after 8.

After our massage appointments yesterday, we stopped at Kohl's to use my 30% off coupon.  I needed to replace my worn out walking shoes, now that my foot feels better, and Dave wanted some long sleeved t-shirts that are nice enough to wear to work.

Nike's were on sale, so I have new shoes, and hope to start walking again this week.  The hospital across the street from work has a tunnel that I use in when the weather outside isn't ideal for walking.  I only have to be outside for a few minutes.

Today, we are going to see "The Wizard of Oz" on the big screen, and then there is a general meeting at the dance studio that I really should attend.

As someone who has worked the front desk on and off over the years, and who is a key holder, I should show up.

It's right at dinner time, though, which is highly inconvenient.

I have to cook a meal because that's how we get some of our lunches for during the week.  I plan my menu carefully, and have to cook what I planned so that we have our left overs.

OH well... whatever.  I'll see if Dave can fill in while I am out.  He's somewhat capable of simple cooking techniques, if I give him lots of instruction, HAHA!

To march or not to march...

The Oklahoma version of the Women's March is today at the capitol.

We made our signs last night, and planned to go, but Dave started feeling sick late yesterday.

Sore throat, stuffy head.

This morning, unfortunately, he's worse.  He's saying he is achy all over, he has chills, and his head hurts, too.

There is no fever, though, so it's possibly NOT the actual flu.

He's going to go back to bed after we eat breakfast.  If he still feels as bad after that as he does now, we will go to urgent care to get him tested.  If it's flu, and he starts tamiflu today, IF we can afford it, he'll be in better shape than if we wait.

He got a flu shot this year for the first time, to protect his dad and me.  Hopefully, if it IS the flu, he won't get really sick.

Anyway, I think we missed the march last year because it was wet way too cold out for me to stand in the wind for hours (with a compromised immune system due to constant chemo).

Yesterday was in the 20s with 40-50 mile per hour winds, but today is clear and sunny, and should be in the 40s.

Still cold to be out in for hours, but not like if it had been yesterday, and I am no longer on chemo!

I COULD, in theory, go alone....and that is on my mind as a possibility.  It kind of depends on if we are going to urgent care this afternoon or not.

Tomorrow is a day off for my office, so Dave took off, too.  Glad we don't have to worry about work on top of him being sick.

Fortunately, we got all of our errands done yesterday, and all that's on the plan for today is for me to do a couple of cooking projects.

If I don't march, I can take care of Dave, and read, and practice some of the yoga I learned yesterday at my first ever real yoga class.

Hibernation mode

It's a very rare thing that I sleep past 7 or 7:30 on the weekends, no matter how late we stay up.

This weekend, though, we have both slept late both days.

I got up at 9:15 yesterday, Dave at 10:30, and today, we both got up at 9:30.

It's been lovely, but it DOES cut in to our available time for doing all of our weekend stuff.

Our good friend Jules came over last night for dinner.

I was supposed to make a Moroccan tagine dish in the new clay baking dish she gave me for Christmas (brought directly from Morocco by her Moroccan family members), but I hadn't researched how to season the pot until it was too late to start for last night's dinner.

The seasoning process takes many hours, and we didn't get back from errands until 3.

SO, I made our special meal in my dutch oven, and it turned out beautifully.  Now, Jules will be forced to come back over another time so we can break in the tagine properly!

In the meantime, I will spend today seasoning it.

Dave got it in to soak for me yesterday.  He used the cooler and the hose to fill it up.   Just like we soak the Christmas eve ham!

Once it dries, I need to put it in the cold oven, bring it up to 300 for a couple of hours.  Then, it has to cool in the oven completely before removing it.  Then it gets a coat of oil.

Other than that, I will be making a roast of beef for tonight's dinner, with roasted cauliflower on the side.

Dave still has to go take care of his pop, and I have some chores to do, but it will be an easy day.

I think the weather has been the reason for our hibernation mode.  It's been cold, windy, dark, and damp.  I am bummed that the snow storm that stretched across the region was far north of us.

Oh well...

The visit to my doc's new office was kind of a fiasco.  The process of checking in and all went fine, but, for some reason, they didn't have the medication for my injection!

My doc was very apologetic, as was the staff. 

That means that I have to go back on Monday, and that means that my employer is flipping out, and requiring me to provide a doctor's note!

Do they think I am playing hookie for one hour?? I only need to take off ONE HOUR!

It's also HIGHLY ILLEGAL for them to require a doctor's note from a person who has a valid and active FMLA form on file.

They CAN'T question me when I use my FMLA time to go get treatment for fucking cancer....

BUT, I know better than to speak up and defend myself.  It results in hostility.

Unbelievable. 

SO.. I will get the stupid note, and turn it in, and I will give a copy to the new-ish HR department, and advise them that I should not have been required to provide said note, and would she please file it with my FMLA paperwork.

The most ironic bit of all is that MY BOSS has cancer. 

Does she have to use FMLA to take weeks off for every chemo treatment?  Probably not.  Does she have to produce a doctor's note when her appointments change unexpectedly?  Probably not.

I really hate my job because of this kind of bullshit, as I have testified to over and over in these posts....but I need to keep it for now.

Ugh.