"Ch" #2

And now, the "ex fiance" story.

Rich moved in to the house next door to ours the winter of 1998/1999. He was a single dad, whose kids would visit on the weekends, and on Wednesdays.

He liked gardening, and was a musician, and he first spoke to me out in the driveway, when I was leaving to go to my podiatrist to have my broken foot checked on.

It was all very innocent and neighborly.

We became friends, and I started taking guitar lessons from him, and he became a client of my massage business.

He had lots of interest in natural health, and alternative Spirituality, and we always had LOTS to talk about. We'd spend hours together.

It didn't really matter, because my husband was never around, anyway.

But, I maintain that it was all very innocent and neighborly.

Until I told Rich that I was thinking of divorcing Butch.

I'd had enough of being left alone, and things had not been good at all between me and Butch since that day in 1997 when he'd yelled at me.

I was scared, but I was SO done with wasting my life in a dead relationship.

When I told Rich that I was considering divorce, he said "You should divorce him. They guy's an IDIOT! I can tell how lonely you are. He doesn't know how good he's got it, because he's never home. Doesn't he SEE YOU?? You're gorgeous! You deserve SO much better. You deserve someone who will really love you. Like me."

Uh.

What?

"I knew the moment we met. But you're married. How could I say anything? I've been sitting over here tearing my hair out over you. I see you come and go, we wave, we say hi. And it's been KILLING ME."

He went on and on.

He said everything a woman wants and needs to hear. Everything a woman day dreams about hearing from a very, very handsome man!!

He said he honored the vows of marriage, and promised to honor me, and my marriage, until it was over, by not pursuing a physical relationship.

But this was it. I was the one. He was sure of it. And he would wait.

As this started to sink in, I allowed myself to be washed away by feelings of rapture!

To me, at that time, Rich was perfection.

Guitar player, smart, funny, magnificently handsome, into herbal medicine and natural health, interested in studying alternative Spirituality, into gardening...and...most surprising and delightful of all...WAY, WAY into ME!!!

I went forward with the divorce process. I told my husband. I contacted a lawyer. I got us started in mediation.

A few months passed. Rich and I still hung out together a lot. I got to know, and fell in love with, Rich's kids.
I had become swept up by his declarations of love, and I had fallen COMPLETELY and utterly in love with him.

But not one kiss. Not anything.

Just some really long, standing hugs. Being in Rich's arms filled me with a sense of security, of wholeness, and of rightness, that I had never, EVER felt before.

I figured out at that time that I had never really been truly in love before. Not for real. THIS was requited, and respectful, and passionate...and wonderful.

Rich did not approach me for our first kiss until I had completed the mediation process, and the divorce papers were being drawn up. At that point, he said he couldn't hold back any more, he had to kiss me.

We came up for air several hours later. Wow. NEVER had I had a "make out"session like that before. Incredible.

BUT-- Rich and I did not "consummate" our relationship for another 2 months after that...not until Butch had signed the divorce papers, which I had to give back to my lawyer before the court date.
It was 10 days or so before the court date. The house was sold, the papers were signed, the marriage was over. But the judge hadn't signed off on the divorce yet.

SO, in that way, I suppose I did technically cheat on my husband. If you think of it in terms of technicalities.

But the reality was that my husband had cheated on ME for YEARS....by spending more time with his addictions and his buddies than he did with me.

By the time he had signed the papers, Butch knew that Rich and I were in love. He was LIVID, and bitter, and angry.
But I was not yet having sex with Rich, and, no matter what I told Butch, he would not believe me.

To this day, Butch is convinced that I was whoring around on him the whole time we were married.

Whatever.

Anyway, I had been searching for room mates and affordable apartments, and I was having no luck at all.

Surprisingly, Butch suggested I ask Rich if I could move in with him.

I didn't think this was a good idea, but I was in love with Rich, and ready to be free with our relationship....so I mentioned it to Rich.

He said he had never planned on letting me find an apartment or a stranger for a room mate. He would insist on my coming to live with him.

So I did.

I moved across the driveway, and moved in with the man who had promised me the world.

By Christmas, he had proposed.

We talked on his cell phone every day, many times a day. He got me a cell phone so we could be in touch at all times.

Time went on. I took care of his kids. I cooked and cleaned and did laundry.

I was ready for him every night. Yes, EVERY night. And I loved it.

And I waited.

I waited for him to start saying he loved me again.

I waited for the diamond and sapphire ring he'd promised me.

I waited for us to start talking about a wedding date again.

And then he started not coming home until 1 am. 2 am. 5 am.

He stopped saying "we" and "us," and when I'd say "I love you," he'd just say "me too."

We took a vacation to Mexico. We made improvements on the house. We hung out with his family.

But then he stopped coming with me for my family events.

He stopped answering his cell phone when I would call.

He stopped answering my text messages.

And one day. It dawned on me.

It was Karen.




And it was.

After the confrontation, I started to pack. I started the search for a place to live.

He begged me not to go. He admitted that he'd been stupid. Please don't go. Stay. Marry me.

No.

I slept on the couch from October until I moved. He stayed out late, as he had been doing, screwing Karen.

We managed to avoid one another most of the time during those very awkward weeks.

I moved out on Winter Solstice. I spent that Christmas alone (he, apparently, got someone to let him into my security building, and he left a stuffed stocking on my door).

I was devastated to have to say good bye to his kids and his mom.

He showed up at my place with his kids on new year's day.

He would not leave me alone.

He said he COULD not leave me alone. He loved me.

I said "You don't love me...you love Karen...remember? You chose her the moment you touched her the first time."

I told him he had to leave me alone for a while. I needed time to process the fact that he had DUMPED ME FOR one of my BEST FRIENDS!!

I told him HE needed to make a choice, too.

I said that I could not carry on contact of any kind if he was going to be having an affair with someone else, who was MARRIED to boot.

It was too painful...because I LOVED HIM. Really, truly loved him.

Did he FORGET why I LEFT HIM??

He gave me 2 months, and then he said he couldn't live without me. He'd made his choice. He wanted me instead of her.

"PLEASE come see me on Valentine's day. I'll make you dinner."

So, I went. He gave me a ring. Not an engagement ring, but a sort of "pre engagement" ring that was a gold claddagh with sapphires. (He's Irish)

We attempted reconciliation. He proposed AGAIN.

It went well for about 6 months.

Then, he stopped answering my calls and texts.

He stopped saying "we" and "us," again, and he stopped talking about that actual engagement ring, and about the other plans we'd made.

I confronted him again.

He confessed again.

It was Karen again.

I said " You know what? You're perfect for each other. You're both lying, cheating sluts."

And I left him again.

This time, I was stronger, wiser. Angrier.

I also became convinced, after this experience, that men really ARE ass holes. That love does NOT exist, and that I must have something WRONG WITH ME to cause the men in my life to abandon me like they had.

Yeah, I was in great shape for a long time after that episode.

And Rich and Karen? I have no idea. I at least hope she had sense enough to divorce HER HUSBAND.

She probably did. She probably got the house. That's probably where they live now.

They deserve one another. I can only say that I am sorry I won't be around when they get their payback for all of the pain they caused.