What is "home?"

january in the spruce plot

I spent a good deal of time today out in the woods.

I visited the spot where my husband and I were married, and I walked on trails by myself, with no other people to be seen.

It has often been said by me that my heart beats with the heart of nature, and when I am in the woods, no matter where those woods are, I feel truly at home.

The peace of nature feeds me. I used to have an entire blog dedicated to my observations of nature, and the impacts of nature in my life.

So, the woods are one version of home. The quiet. The pulsing life. The green. All make me feel at home.

On the other hand, the dwelling place where I have settled myself is also my home. Where I have my books, my music, my things, my personality represented in how I decorate.

My sanctuary, where I feel at home, literally, and comfortable in my solitude.

The place that I work to maintain. The place that I struggle to pay for on my own.

There is much to be said for that.

But no matter what, the only thing that really means home is being with the one I love.

It doesn't matter where we are. I "GET" that now. We could be living in a cardboard box under a bridge. The only thing that would matter would be that we were together.

When I am with him, that is my true home.

In his arms, I am safe. I am cherished beyond reckoning. I am loved. I am respected. I am wanted. I am needed. I am cared for.

It doesn't matter where we live. If we are together, we will both be....home.

And, at the moment, THAT is the "crux."

We live 800 miles apart. We have not seen each other since our honey moon. We don't know when we will see each other again, because the economy is so bad, and the cost of travel is so high.

I was in the woods today, where I normally feel peace, and, instead, I wept for loneliness.

I came home to make my supper, and my sanctuary feels cold and empty.

I need to be with my husband.

My life will not be right until that happens.

Like he says, everything else is small stuff. Nothing else matters.

I need to go home.