Thanksgiving change of plans

So, my mother in law decreed a couple of months ago, when we announced that we would not be renting our little cabin in the woods for Thanksgiving this year; and when we simultaneously found out that Dave's brother from Houston and his wife WOULD be up here for the holiday, that she would host the feast in her house if my sister in law and I would execute the rest of it.

I enthusiastically agreed.

The idea was that sister in law and I were to plan, shop, and cook, and mom would reimburse us, set the table, provide the bread...and then I added that the guys would then have clean up duty because ... well... they need to do SOMETHING.

SO, weeks in advance, I tried to get with my sister in law via facebook to start the planning.

Unfortunately, the most I could get her to say was that she would bring a pie.  She did repeat that offer a couple of times, though, for emphasis.

Okay then.

So, I ended up doing the planning of the meal, and the shopping list, Dave did the shopping because he had already scheduled this week off from work for our canceled trip to the cabin....and I just assumed I would be doing all of the cooking.

Which is FINE because I live for this cooking stuff.

Anyway, in his shopping expedition, Dave met a bit of a snag when he failed in his attempt to find a 12-15 pound turkey.

The SMALLEST one that was left by the time he shopped on Tuesday was.... 21 pounds.

I have never in my life cooked a huge turkey.  I've done chickens, and turkey breasts, but never a behemoth like this.

Fortunately, it fits, barely, in my  big-ass roasting pan.

Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, I made my sister's cranberry orange compote, and I pre-assembled my late ex mother in law's AWESOME from scratch ain't no canned soup up in there green bean casserole, and I got advice from friends no how to cook a giant turkey, and I had a plan.

Rinse the turkey, loosen the breast skin, rub with herbed butter (which I do with chickens and turkey breasts anyway).  Then, PRE SEAR at high temp to brown the skin....THEN put in a chopped onion and apple, and apply my traditional bacon weave while the oven cools down to 350.  THEN back in for the long roast.

I took a xanax and went to bed, and slept for the first time all week.

Woke up Thanksgiving day, showered, loaded the car, and off we went to Mom and Dad Bowen's house.

The bird needs about 4 to 5 hours, I figure (after that initial browning), at a relatively slow heat, so it doesn't dry out.  Yep.  We'd be there all day, with really not THAT much to do except hang out.

SO we get there, and I open the oven and look in.

A feeling of dread overcomes me.  I ask Dave to test to see if the thing will FIT in the oven.

It did not.

Nope.

The electric coils are too low, and the door won't close.  If left in there long enough to even partially cook, the bird would be burned on top, and raw in the middle.

I look at my sister in law, she looks at me.

I leave her with the mostly pre-made casserole, and the potatoes.  She agrees that she can wash, oil, and wrap the potatoes in foil, and put them in the oven....and put the casserole in when it's time.  I will call her when it's time.

And we come home to start roasting the turkey HERE, because that's our only option.

Sigh.

But here, in my own home, I can swear like a sailor if I need to, and I can have some alcoholic beverages (neither is allowed at the in laws' house).... and I can listen to "Alice's Restaurant."  Twice, if I want to.

And when the bird is done, we will pack it up and take it back down to their house.

The worst part about this, though, is that Dave is missing the chance to hang out with his brother.  That sucks.

(oh, and p.s. the bird browned beautifully at 500 degrees for a half hour, now it's roasting with the bacon drape and the house smells like heaven)


Happy (American) Thanksgiving, dear readers!