Game changer

Since the chemo medication I was given for the last two treatments made my finger and toe tips numb, a different protocol and medication has been suggested, and accepted.

Instead of having just 2 treatments to go, and being done in Oct., I now have 6 to go.  

However, those 6 treatments (three weeks on, one week off, then three weeks on again)  are to be small doses, thus HOPEFULLY creating fewer side effects.

I will not be finished on 10/22 anymore, but instead on 11/12.

The plan is to schedule my weekly treatments in the afternoons so that I can work half days and not have to miss 6 days of work (as opposed to the two days I would have missed had we not changed the protocol).

It's still more time off of work, no matter what the nurse said, but I am hoping it will all be worth it.

I had a little difficulty with accepting a change in the end date.  I had held 10/22 up as my "eyes on the prize" goal for so long....but I really WOULD like to be able to feel again, and changing the medication will increase the chances of that.

I won't go into details about the clusterfuck that was the administrative process behind this change.  Good god, the communication was awful, and it caused me a substantial amount of anxiety.

But the good part is, we came to a decision, and are moving forward.

I have still been doing pretty well, but the numbness has not decreased, despite being on an oral medication that it supposed to help.

We will discuss increasing the dose when I go on Friday.

In other news, the weather has been spectacular, and we have had a lovely weekend.  Hoping for clear skies tonight for the lunar eclipse.

Happy Sunday, everyone.  (I say that in hopes that there is someone out there reading this!)

Rainy days and Sundays....

The rain they have been forecasting for what seems like a week has FINALLY come.

It's nice and cool, so the windows have been open since yesterday, and the soothing rain started early this morning.

It's been a good, gentle soaking rain with distant thunder.  Perfect for a Sunday at home.

We went down to Moore yesterday to check out the headstone on Dave's Mom's grave.  It turned out nicely.  We went and got Pop and brought him out to the cemetery to have a look.  It was good for him to get dressed and up and out of the house for a little bit on a beautiful day.

Then we did some running around and ended up basically being out of the house until about 3:30.  Not what we had hoped for in terms of a lazy Saturday!

This past week, we went to Guitar Center to find me a capo, as some of the songs in my new pagan song book require one.

While there, I had to look at the guitars in the acoustic room, of course....and there was a Martin 12 string that caught my eye. HOW could it not, after all??

I picked it up, and looked at it, and touched it...stroked it, actually.....and put it back as quickly as I could because I knew it was a danger zone.

I thought it was used, because it was in the same rack with the used instruments, and it was marked $620.00.

Martin tends to run pretty high in price, so for a Martin 12, that's a low price.

Anyway, it seems that Dave caught the moment when I had a look on my face that screamed "OH my god, I want this guitar so badly!"  That moment when I thrust it back onto it's hook and turned away from it.

I had also recently told him the story of how my guitarist ex fiance had convinced me that I would never be a good enough guitarist to own a 12 string, so he talked me into trading in the one I had owned for years (a vintage, Michigan-made Epiphone) on the purple Ibanez 6 string which I still have.

(Epiphone sent its manufacturing over to Japan starting in the 70's.  I bought my 12 string in the late 70's or maybe 1980, I don't quite remember....all I DO know for sure is that Edna Burke at Burke's music in my home town of Wheaton, IL assured me that the instrument was superior because it was a Michigan-made Epi.  I had saved up my money from working at the public library to buy the guitar, and it had been my pride and joy.)

I was feeling wistful about it one day recently since I've started playing again.

So Dave knew the story.

Having seen that look on my face, Dave determined that he was going to surprise me with the Martin, and cause his credit card to go into shock.

He checked with his brother, who is an accomplished guitarist with years of experience buying and working on guitars.  They figured out that the guitar was NOT used, but was instead brand new, and in Martin's "X" series, or economy series.  In other words, their "cheap" line.

Mike advised against Dave making the purchase without having me play the instrument first.

So, the day after we bought the capo, we went back to Guitar Center.  I played the display model that I had ogled and fondled, and determined that I was in love.

The acoustic department guy went to the warehouse and brought out an in-the-box Martin Custom X Series 12 string guitar, which is, at this moment, on its stand in our living room!

Since remembering how I came to part with my Epiphone, I have been thinking about the impact that Rich's treatment of me has had over the years.

I was so in love with him that his words really hit hard.  He never raised a hand to me, but he abused me just the same, mentally, emotionally, and verbally.

When he was in love with me, he started out saying that I was a good player and had potential to get REALLY good, but as he started to cheat on me, his words changed.

He said my 12 string was too much guitar for me, and that I didn't deserve it.  I believed him.

I laid music aside, and was timid about ANYONE (even Dave, and ESPECIALLY his brother, who has tried to get me to play for him in the past) hearing me play, so I just didn't play.

I have carried that wound for years, and am VERY grateful that I never sold my instruments after considering doing so time and again.

I love my purple Ibanez, just for the record, even though I believed that I had to part with the Epiphone to get it.

Now that I am playing my guitar(s) and mandolin again, I realize that I derive a great deal of pleasure from doing so, in private, at home.....and that I have really missed playing for all these years.

Dave's encouragement and positive reinforcement have helped me to KEEP playing and practicing over the past couple of weeks, and I am, as noted above, even learning new songs now.

The new guitar is a thing of beauty, even if it IS the "cheap" one!

Martin doesn't make anything that's actually CHEAP, in the true sense of the word.

Oh, and as long as we were buying me a new guitar, we also got Dave a sweet acoustic/electric Ibanez bass guitar.

It was UNBELIEVABLY inexpensive for such a high quality instrument, and his thing was always the bass, so now he has one again and is having SO much fun!

So we have been playing around with music a lot these past few days.  GOOD for the soul!

I am feeling pretty good for the most part.

I'm thinking I am stronger this round.  Last treatment at about this time, I was feeling pretty low, and ended up calling in sick from work on day 10.

Day 10 is tomorrow, and I feel fine today.

The pains were gone by Wednesday, as they were last time. Yay!

Fingers and toes are still numb.  Thinking that the new medication is keeping it from getting any worse?

Mouth issues are reduced this time, too, and my hair is growing again (just the ones that didn't fall out, of course....I still have shiny scalp showing with sparse hairs all over, but those hairs need to be buzzed occasionally.)

Had my follow up echocardiogram on Friday to see if the Adriamycin cycle of treatments caused any heart damage.

My question is why didn't we do this half way through to make sure we were not in the midst of causing damage, instead of waiting until well after the end of that cycle of treatments to see if damage was caused?

I had understood that my cardiac health would be closely monitored DURING that cycle, and I should have asked, but I did not until after it was over.  "Hey, by the way, how, exactly, were you monitoring my cardiac health during those treatments?"

Doc said we were watching for any signs of heart failure, like swollen feet.  Hm..  Okay.

Results should be in soon.

Also, the medication that is supposed to help with the numbness made me a bit dizzy for the first few days, and I took a nasty fall in the middle of the night last Sunday.

I had gotten up to go to the bathroom in the pitch dark, and was a bit wobbly.  I misjudged where I was on the bed when I crawled back in.

WHAM, right down on the hardwood floor between the bed and the dresser.

As I went, I caught my right foot on one of the bakelite drawer pulls on our antique bedroom furniture.

The sharp plastic sliced open the bottoms of three toes.

No walks for me this past week because of the injured toes, but they look a lot better as of today, and don't hurt as much.  They're still black and blue, but the wounds on the bottoms are doing well.

Jebuz.

I'm REALLY looking forward to this all being over with, and am trying not to be anxious about the PET scan results that will come right around Thanksgiving, which will tell us if we have beaten the cancer or not.

My future is very uncertain, I know this...but I stay positive and strong as best I can.

Playing music again is helping!

TENTH DOWN!

I have no idea if that means anything in football-ese, but the football season is upon us, so I thought I'd try!

Had my 10th chemo session on Thursday.  Thus the reference in the title.

The same sharp pains as last time started right on time yesterday while we were out enjoying the Turkish cultural festival at the botanic gardens.

I didn't let it stop me, though, and we enjoyed the food and I got to see the dancers I had wanted to see.

It was a BEAUTIFUL day, and we spotted lots of migrating monarch butterflies, and a couple of humming birds as well.

The pains continue this morning.  I hope they go away by Wednesday, like they did the last time.

Doc says it's the nerve impact of the new chemo.  Yippee.

I am hoping that the finger and toe numbness, which started on the Sunday after the last treatment, doesn't start to increase today.  I am taking the new medication three times a day as directed, and am hoping it does SOMETHING.

So far, no real change.  Just an ever so slight improvement over how it was a week and a half or so ago.

Finished my tick bite antibiotic on Friday with no ill effects. Doc looked at the bite when I saw him on Thursday, and was pleased with how it was healing.

I have started to develop lymphedema in my right arm.  I first noticed the swelling in my right hand about a week and a half ago.  I thought "great, now I get to grow a giant arm!"

Doctor confirmed when I saw him on Thursday.  Yippee.

The good part is, though, that it has not gotten any worse than just a little swelling in the hand, and the arm looks EVER SO slightly larger than the  left.

I have been following his basic guidelines of holding my arm up like an idiot whenever I think of it, and doing some massage techniques that I already knew, and which he said were okay to do.

It's also good that I am healthy and active, and staying that way will decrease the chances that I will end up with an elephant arm, like some women do.

I'm just pissed off that it's happening.  It's weird to me that it took 5 months since surgery for it to begin to appear.

What the f*ck ever.

The sentinel node test only showed one on the left, but it seems the surgery on the right was still more radical or invasive, even with the removal of the left sentinel node.

In other news, I have been playing my guitar and mandolin a little, taking advantage of the numb fingertips to build up the calluses!  It's been fun.

Dave had never really heard me play before, and his encouragement has been really helpful.  He seems to think I can play....almost.  Just need more practice.

Going to continue to enjoy the gorgeous weather today, and my only cooking project is to make chicken soup out of last night's roast chicken.

Good Sunday to everyone!  Turn up the music and open the windows!

Labor Day Weekend already?

I've been doing mostly okay, I would say.

My finger and toe tips are still numb, and now I am concerned that one treatment will leave me permanently damaged in this way.

Dave's doctor said it can last from a year to forever.

My doctor, however, has not said that yet, so I am not despairing.  It's just extremely aggravating and makes it really difficult to type.

Dave did some research into it, and one thing they can do is make the treatment last 6 hours instead of 3 for just that one bag, which would put us there for 9 hours on treatment day instead of 6.

We'll just have to wait until next Thursday to find out what the plan is.

In other news, I got a tick bite the other day, and am now having to take anti-lyme-disease antibiotics that make me dizzy.

Yay.

But really?  Compared to how most other folks end up sick, and often hospitalized, during chemotherapy, I am doing remarkably well.

Even one of my facebook friends has a young daughter who has been hospitalized multiple times with only 5 rounds of chemo, and I am an "old lady"  who really hasn't had a lot of trouble in 9 rounds.

So far this weekend, I have done grocery shopping, 4 loads of laundry, some cooking and cleaning, a little thrift store shopping, and helped Dave put a coat of primer on the front of the shed.

It's supposed to be 100 degrees out today, so I will be staying inside.

I need to sweep, do some more cooking and cleaning, and maybe start cleaning my office in advance of having a house guest next month (I don't want to wait until the last minute, so if I get a head start, it will be easy as the time grows closer).

We don't have any holiday plans at all, which is just fine with me.  It's going to be too hot anyway.

We will put another coat of primer on the shed in the morning.  We did today's painting before breakfast in order to avoid the intensely hot weather.

Hope whoever is reading this has a lovely Sunday, and if you're in the US, I hope you have a good Labor day!

Can't believe it's already here...but in a way, very glad that this year is moving along.  It's been a tough one.