Cycles of fear

 My PET scan was last week, and, though it was physically uncomfortable to hold my arms above my head inside of a tube for 25 minutes, the experience itself went just fine.

Unfortunately, they called me that afternoon with some scary news.  The usual spots all looked good, they said, but there was some kind of  abnormal reflection (I think that was the word) in the brain that needs another look.

SO, I have to go for an MRI tomorrow afternoon.

They TRIED to get me scheduled for Wednesday, but that was our day to leave for the tiny house in the woods, and they could not get me in early enough in the day for it to work out, and it was too late to cancel.

Nothing else was available until Monday.

Anyway, I fucking HATE MRIs, and I said so.... As a result, this time, I have a valium to take before hand.

The person who scheduled me also said that the imaging center that they are sending me to has a "large bore" MRI machine, so it doesn't feel as constricted as most machines do.

That was the good thing about having to delay the appointment until Monday.  They are sending me to a different facility, with a bigger machine.

I hope that will help.  I always take a bandana to drape over my eyes, too, so I can't see how close the inside of the tube is to my face.

The fact of the matter, though, is, while the claustrophobia is a definite factor, it's the noise that really gets to me, and brings me almost to the point of panic.

The little ear plugs they give you only dampen the sound to protect your hearing.... there's no way to block it out.  Ugh.

I am maintaining okay, though.... Going through cycles of abject fear, and then letting it go, and focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.

Anyway, our week off has been really nice.  

Our stay at the tiny house was lovely, but the weather was too hot to use the outdoor hot tub, or to spend much time by the fire pit.

I DID get to have a little fire, though, which did me good.

After we left there, we went about 45 minutes further south to the Chickasaw National Recreational area, and took a nice hike, but again, it was too hot out, so we didn't stay long.

I managed to accomplish the goal of  collecting some spring water to bring home for my spiritual practice.

We ate at a couple of mom-and-pop diners along the way, both days, which was fun.

Other than that, we got errands done on weekdays, and I did a little extra cleaning around the house.

Dave did a task outside that I had been asking him to do, and hopefully, today, he will get a few more things done.

It's just been nice to have the time to .... just live life... for a week.

Yesterday, I made a pot of stock to freeze, a batch of lemon scones, and grilled chicken and slaw for dinner.

Next week, other than the MRI tomorrow, I have an appointment on Thursday morning with the PA.  I hope they can get back to putting my PA/Dr visit on the same day as my treatments, eventually.

Since I have to make an appearance at the office, I will go for a half day tomorrow.

SO much for just relaxing and living life, HAHA!

Have a good week!