Sweet relief

 I haven't read the reports yet, but there is no cancer in my brain.

The only thing the PA said on Thursday was that the MRI found normal, age-related changes, and nothing else.

SO... I will read both the PET and the MRI reports SOME DAY, but I am in no hurry, as I recover from the most intense anxiety/fear I have felt in years.

My regular treatment program will continue, with my next treatment next Thursday.  Next regular testing (cardiac ultrasound, and chest CT) will be in December.

I continue to take HUGE, heaving sighs of relief.... it has been 4 days, but I still feel myself decompressing.

I still couldn't sleep on Thursday night, but have done SO much better the past two nights.  Vodka, and watching funny movies, have both helped, HAHA!

The weather has still been record-threateningly hot.  Yesterday, it was 95 when I was trying to start putting out some of my Halloween decor.

Needless to say, I didn't get much done.

Today should be more comfortable, though, and there's a nice breeze, so I will continue today.

We haven't even bought mums or pumpkins yet, because it's been so hot.  It's quite sad, and probably the "new normal," due to climate change.

We got our mail-in ballots sent off last week, and I have scheduled our "Crane Spotting" weekend for the weekend after the election.   

Hopefully, we will be celebrating that weekend, and not trying to figure out how to leave the country.

I worry about Dave, especially, because in 2016, he really came close to having a full-on break down. 

Fortunately, he has recently had an adjustment to his psych meds, and has been prescribed to go back to talk therapy.

The timing on that is fortuitous, indeed!

He is going to start making calls tomorrow, to try to find a therapist and get scheduled.  His former therapist relocated, and he never sought out a new one, so it needs to happen.

Got all of my chores done yesterday, and made a grilled steak and potatoes dinner.  I could not eat more than a couple of bites of the steak, it was really weird.  It was delicious, but I just ... didn't want it.

Maybe lingering anxiety caused that.... I can't eat when I am anxious.

Anyway, today should be relatively lazy, unless I decide to follow through on emptying the hot tub, cleaning it, and refilling it.   The water is still okay, though, so I may let that go until next weekend, when it will DEFINITELY be cooler out.

I am making chicken marsala for dinner, and have already put a load of towels in to wash.  

Dave did a special chore for me yesterday, and has been assigned another one today, and he actually got up and DID the one yesterday, instead of it taking weeks!

Hopefully, there will be a repeat of that today.

Have a lovely week!

Cycles of fear

 My PET scan was last week, and, though it was physically uncomfortable to hold my arms above my head inside of a tube for 25 minutes, the experience itself went just fine.

Unfortunately, they called me that afternoon with some scary news.  The usual spots all looked good, they said, but there was some kind of  abnormal reflection (I think that was the word) in the brain that needs another look.

SO, I have to go for an MRI tomorrow afternoon.

They TRIED to get me scheduled for Wednesday, but that was our day to leave for the tiny house in the woods, and they could not get me in early enough in the day for it to work out, and it was too late to cancel.

Nothing else was available until Monday.

Anyway, I fucking HATE MRIs, and I said so.... As a result, this time, I have a valium to take before hand.

The person who scheduled me also said that the imaging center that they are sending me to has a "large bore" MRI machine, so it doesn't feel as constricted as most machines do.

That was the good thing about having to delay the appointment until Monday.  They are sending me to a different facility, with a bigger machine.

I hope that will help.  I always take a bandana to drape over my eyes, too, so I can't see how close the inside of the tube is to my face.

The fact of the matter, though, is, while the claustrophobia is a definite factor, it's the noise that really gets to me, and brings me almost to the point of panic.

The little ear plugs they give you only dampen the sound to protect your hearing.... there's no way to block it out.  Ugh.

I am maintaining okay, though.... Going through cycles of abject fear, and then letting it go, and focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.

Anyway, our week off has been really nice.  

Our stay at the tiny house was lovely, but the weather was too hot to use the outdoor hot tub, or to spend much time by the fire pit.

I DID get to have a little fire, though, which did me good.

After we left there, we went about 45 minutes further south to the Chickasaw National Recreational area, and took a nice hike, but again, it was too hot out, so we didn't stay long.

I managed to accomplish the goal of  collecting some spring water to bring home for my spiritual practice.

We ate at a couple of mom-and-pop diners along the way, both days, which was fun.

Other than that, we got errands done on weekdays, and I did a little extra cleaning around the house.

Dave did a task outside that I had been asking him to do, and hopefully, today, he will get a few more things done.

It's just been nice to have the time to .... just live life... for a week.

Yesterday, I made a pot of stock to freeze, a batch of lemon scones, and grilled chicken and slaw for dinner.

Next week, other than the MRI tomorrow, I have an appointment on Thursday morning with the PA.  I hope they can get back to putting my PA/Dr visit on the same day as my treatments, eventually.

Since I have to make an appearance at the office, I will go for a half day tomorrow.

SO much for just relaxing and living life, HAHA!

Have a good week!  

Autumn Staycation

 Ahhhhh..... we are off work for the coming week!

I have my PET scan on Tuesday, and we are doing an overnight stay at a tiny house in the woods one night, but other than that, we don't have anything planned.

It will be so nice to just decide what to do when the day starts!  We are hoping for a couple of leisurely day trips.

Dave had wanted to save all of his remaining vacation time to take in a big "lump" before his official last day of work, but I needed a break.

He will be fine with 5 fewer paid days off before he clocks out for the last time!

The absurd favoritism at my job continues, and I am NOT on the list.  I needed a break from the accusatory emails from which I perpetually have to defend myself.

Just because something that has to do with part of my job goes wrong does NOT MEAN IT'S MY FAULT, but it is always, every time, blamed on me, forcing me into defense mode.

And, without fail, I am able to show where the error or issue occurred, and that it was NOT with me, and, I am never, EVER given an apology.

Last week, there was even a forwarded portion of a co worker's email embedded in the email accusing me of the error.  

In that forwarded portion, the co worker SAID it was her fault... but my supervisor did not READ that, and instead, tried to blame me for something I had absolutely nothing to do with.

When I replied that V had said below that it was her error, my supervisor replied "Good point."  That was it.

The week before, it was an email accusing me of not uploading billing batches to the Veteran's Administration, which I do, without fail, every day.

It turned out to be a tech issue that the CIO had to fix.  Again, it had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with me, but was blamed on me, and the blame was never retracted, nor apologized for.

Yes, I send all of these emails to my personal email, and have them saved in a folder.

ANYWAY!  We are still enjoying cool mornings, but the afternoons are back up in the 90s. 

Yesterday, we took a little drive to a farmers market kind of store about 45 minutes away.  A friend had recommended it.

I got some locally baked bread, local honey, some Oklahoma-specific jellies (Sand Plum, and Prickly Pear), and some locally produced bees wax for a future candle that I hope to make.

It turned out to be smaller, and less well-stocked than the one that is MUCH closer to us, but it was fun anyway.

I made French toast for breakfast with a few slices of the bread, and it was so good!

Today, I have a zoom with my Spiritual community, and might bake some scones later.

It's also the last Cubs game of the season, so I will be plunked down in front of the tv for the afternoon for that.

My brother continues to struggle with his recovery, but mentioned that he will be starting cardiac rehab soon.  FINALLY!  It seems like that should have begun a few weeks ago, but it did not.

We are hoping that this will help him to feel stronger and more confident, as he is still very weak, has little appetite, and is suffering from depression.

 My oncologist ordered the PET scan this time, instead of the multiple CT scans and the bone scan.  

PET covers everything, but insurance doesn't like to pay for them, so I have not had one since December of 2014 when I was first diagnosed.

Any good thoughts and wishes you can send, please do so on Tuesday morning.  
Unfortunately, my results visit is not until the 10th, and I really hesitate to look up the results on My Chart for this one, because if I see bad news, I will be in turmoil until the 10th.

But, I might change my mind...we shall see.  Either way, I am feeling a great deal of apprehension about it right now, for some reason. 

I guess because it's a departure from the norm.

Have a lovely week!

September Equinox

 We have finally come to the Autumn Equinox in the northern hemisphere, and just like that, today is to be cooler, and possibly rainy!

Yippee!!

Despite the heat, yesterday, I made a big pot of black beans, and a batch of Venezuelan beef.  It was SO GOOD!  I have been wanting to make it again for a long time, and just got tired of waiting for the weather to cool off.

I would have made it today, knowing it was supposed to be cooler, but we are having our re-scheduled chicken fry feast with my friend today, instead.

Hopefully. *wink*

Yesterday marked the 15th anniversary of when my cat Jack, my bird Nichi, myself, and all of my stuff, arrived in Oklahoma City to live.

Fifteen years.  It has gone by like a blink.

That year, Equinox was on the 21st, so I arrived here on that auspicious occasion.

This year, Sept. 22nd is the Equinox, and it is the 32nd anniversary of my intentional conversion to my Spiritual Path.  

That year, it was on the 22nd as well, but I always mark the occasion by the Equinox, not by the calendar date.

I've been on this path for more than half my life, and have never looked back.

I might make time to do a little meditation, or perhaps do some reading, or decorate my altar.

My contribution to the feast this evening is German potato salad.  I have not made it before, so I am looking forward to it!

Next week is treatment week, and the week after that, we are off for a staycation.

We have booked one night in a tiny house in the woods that is owned by a Pagan family, so we are looking forward to that little escape.  Other than that, we might take a couple of day trips.  I'd love to go back to the Chickasaw National Recreational Area, which is just gorgeous, and full of natural springs.

Have a lovely first week of autumn!

 

Restaurant review

 We got up early this morning, and went to a restaurant that we have been wanting to visit for YEARS!

It's a family owned Guatemalan place called Cafe Antigua.  They only do breakfast and lunch, and have a reputation for being excellent.

Dave has been wanting to go out for breakfast on the weekends, lately, since we don't do date nights anymore.  So, this week, he actually REMEMBERED that we have been saying that for years, and we decided to go.

We got there 15 minutes after opening, and it was not at all busy.  Some places are crazy busy by that time, and we are not yet up to speed on using the "hold my table" type apps on our phones, so we just show up and hope for the best, HAHA!

The menu is pretty extensive, and the portions were reasonable.  

I ordered something called Suave Amanecer, which was kind of a sampler, in a way.  It had eggs, scrambled with black olives, tomatoes, red pepper, scallions, and onions, served with toast, mixed fruit with an AMAZING mango sauce, and something called mosh, which is basically sweet, milky oatmeal.  

It was all JUST SO GOOD!  

Dave ordered huevos rancheros, and that was also utter perfection.

We WILL BE GOING BACK, next time, for lunch....and I need to learn how to make mosh!

The heat has returned, as we thought it might, but it's not been as intense as before.  ONLY in the 90s, with cool mornings.

Had my heart ultrasound last week, and the results are still stable, so that was good news.

NO APPOINTMENTS this week!  Yay!

This afternoon, we need to fill out some estate planning paperwork, so Dave can have his next retirement planning meeting.

I have a zoom with my spiritual community at 11 this morning.

Other than that, not much is going on today... which is nice. I will take the time to do my physical therapy exercises, at some point.

Have a good week, as we approach equinox.

Autumnal

 ...and, just like that, it's 56 degrees this morning!  SO, we are off to the woods.

My appointments and treatment this past week went just fine.  

I enjoyed having so much time off from work, but, on the other hand, the hours that I DID work were spent working really intensively to stay caught up on my tasks, as much as possible.

Yesterday, Dave got the mowing done because the guy we had been paying just... disappeared, like the one before him.

It's so aggravating.  BUT, the good thing is that the weather changed, so that Dave, or even I, were okay to return to mowing. 

AND, now we have some cash in our wallets, which is highly unusual, HAHA!

There really isn't much else to report.... back to status quo work this week. 

Have a good one!

Welcome September!

 The intense heat wave has broken.  It's still hot, but it doesn't hurt to go outside right now.

Unfortunately, our plans with our friend for today have been canceled.  She has someone staying with her who came into her house while sick.  Yesterday, he tested positive for Covid.

Also unfortunately, this was her choice, because she KNEW he was sick, had previously asked him to leave her alone, and let him stay anyway. 

Even after I asked her not to, due to my status as a chemo patient.

Before he tested positive, we were still going forward with our plans to do a chicken fry feast, at her place, today.

I had already purchased the chicken for our feast, and given it to her, and I had purchased everything to make a huge batch of baked macaroni and cheese.

I have to make the mac, because I need to use the milk and cream.  I will bake it in two different pans, and take one to her.

Before he tested positive, SHE had also purchased ingredients for a cucumber and tomato salad, which she has to use up as well, so she will wear a mask while preparing it, and leave it on her porch for me to pick up when I take the mac to her.  She also bought corn on the cob.

I'm frankly a bit angry about this situation, because she had a choice, and she chose him, after we had been planning this for weeks.

He shows up, unannounced, and sick.... and here we are.

Sigh.

So anyway... it's not THAT big of a deal, in the grand scheme of things....but it also kind of is.  

In other news, Dave and I had a really nice day yesterday.  Got up early, and went for a walk in the park where we sometimes see deer.  This was our first walk since... May? I can't remember, because it's been so long.

There were way too many people and dogs there this time, so no deer, but it was nice to get outside!!

My sciatic issues were behaving themselves, and I was mostly pain and tingling free all day yesterday.  

After our walk, we went out for breakfast, and then did our errands, and were home and done with everything, including my chores, by noon!

I love days like that, where I get my work done, and then can just have free time.  It's even better when the time goes by slowly, which it did.

Today, I have a zoom with my Spiritual community at 11:30, and then... another day off with no plans, now, so will make the best of it.

There is some yard work that REALLY needs to be done, and I will try my best to get Dave to do it.

Hopefully, we can get in the hot tub again tonight, as we really enjoyed being able to use it last night.

Since our dinner plans were canceled, I got some chicken out of the freezer, and we will grill that, and have the cucumber and tomato salad, and mac and cheese!  

Tomorrow is a holiday in the US, and my plan for that is to make Maxwell Street Polish sandwiches!

(Kielbasa, grilled onions, and mustard on a sausage roll!)

Last night, we grilled a mackerel steak.  Neither of us has ever had mackerel before, and we won't again. It was full of bones, dried out (even though it was only on the grill for about 8 minutes), and really unpleasant to eat.  

The marinade I made for it was really good, and I might make it again for tonight's chicken.

This week, I have to go for my blood draw on Tuesday, after I get back from the office.  Wednesday, I see the doctor, and Thursday is my treatment.  

They couldn't get me an appointment with the doctor on the same day as treatment this time, for some reason.  What a pain.  Oh well....more time off work, HAHA!

Have a lovely week!