ANOTHER difficult good bye

 One day, I think it was about 3 years ago, a feral cat in our neighborhood showed up in our back yard, with her little black and white kitten.

We named them Gilly and Sam (Game of Thrones characters, as we had done with so many other feral cats), because we didn't know if the kitten was a boy or a girl yet. 

Time passed, Gilly disappeared, as they do, and Sam started coming around once in a while to find food.

In the summer of 2024, Sam showed up pregnant, so we shifted her name to Sammie.

On our wedding anniversary, July 12th, which was a day that saw a temperature of 110F, she decided to have her kittens in our patio chiminea.

There were SEVEN of them!  She was so young, and this was her first litter.

We did our best to keep her cool, and to protect her and the tiny, tiny kittens.  In a few days, she was up and about and going off, leaving them alone in the chiminea.  One of them died, and we figured out that it was the runt.

Anyway, as they started to grow and come out of the chiminea on their own, she moved them.  We don't know where.  We didn't see her or the kittens for about a month.

And then, one day, here she came, with five of the kittens marching behind her, tiny tails straight up!  The one that I had hoped to adopt, the black one with a tiny white spot on top of its head, was gone.

We did our best by those remaining kittens, but, in the end, three of them died by mishap, because feral cats wander, and some of them don't understand that cars are dangerous.

We got two the kittens successfully "fixed," with their shots, and adopted, and Sammie trusted us so completely that Dave was able to easily put her in a carrier to take her for shots, and to get her spayed, too.

After that, she left for a little while, but eventually came back, and stayed with us in our back yard.  

She adopted us as her people, though, from time to time, she would disappear, because feral cats wander.

She was, however, completely socialized with us, and with a couple of our house sitters.  She and Dave had a daily routine of food and cuddles, and she would always "help" me when I would work outside in some capacity, gardening, or just filling the bird bath, or checking the hot tub chemistry.

She let us give her flea prevention meds, the kind in a tube that you run in between their shoulder blades.

She even would sit in my lap out on the patio sometimes.  Usually, though, she would sit under my chair, or in the other chair, when I would sit out there.

Fast forward to yesterday.  

It was just another day, with Sammie coming out of her heated house in the back yard, for breakfast, and getting cuddles from Dave.

She "helped" me fill the bird bath, and her water dish, and everything was normal and relaxed.

Then, in the afternoon, a knock on the door.  It was the little boy from across the street.

"Do you guys have a black and white cat?"  My heart immediately jumped into my throat.... 

He let us know that several members of his family had seen the Fed Ex truck hit Sammie as she was going across the street.

She was lying in the gutter in front of our house, panting, paralyzed, and bleeding.  It was absolutely horrific.  

I ran to the shed to get Dave's leather work gloves, a towel, and a carrier.  We knew she was done for, and had to get her to an emergency vet to have her put down.

But when Dave tried to gather her up, she panicked, and lashed out and tried to escape...it was heart breaking because her back was broken, and all she could do was flop around and scream.

In the long run, after we sat in the street with her and calmed her, begging her to just let go.... he was finally able to get her into the carrier, and off we went.

It was extremely traumatic for all of us.  Dave was completely devastated. 

The neighbors were caring an compassionate, standing guard, like a vigil, around us as we sat in the street. One of them hugged me when I freaked out watching the first attempts Dave made to pick Sammie up.  

They also lodged a complaint with Fed Ex, and told us that they had actually chased the truck down the street, trying to get the driver to stop, but he wouldn't. 

So. She is gone.  Because feral cats wander.

We will collect her ashes in about a week.  It would have been too much to bring her broken body back for burial in the ground, which is somewhat frozen at this time of year.

A vet tech also cleaned the carrier before giving it back to us. It was a bloody, shitty mess.

Frank and Sammie were "through the window" friends, and had a routine of talking to each other (well, Frank talked, and she mostly just looked at him, haha!) in the evenings.  

He went from the back to the front of the house, getting in the windows and meowing, last night. 

It was so sad to witness.

Both of us are drained of tears this morning, and emotionally exhausted.  Every time I woke up last night, which was a lot, it all replayed in my mind.

That will take some time to fade, I'm sure.

But, she is at peace, forever safe and warm, and her lost kittens greeted her with love on the other side of the rainbow bridge.... at least that is how I comfort myself.

Especially our Scamper.  They are happily playing together, and sleeping in a big kitten pile.

And we will go on, keeping them all in our hearts, along with the other feral cats that we have cared for, and loved.

Maybe Luke will come back now.  Time will tell.

I let my friends know, and one of them came to clean up the blood in front of the house....I was going to do it myself, but she offered.... and I am grateful.  Since there is no rain in the forecast, it would have stayed there for quite some time, as an ongoing reminder every time we leave the house.

In other news, I am still doing SO much better on the reduced dose of the chemo.  My fingers are completely healed, and I have only needed to take imodium once, back near the beginning of this cycle.

I completed my first week of the wellness study, as best I could, getting a late start and all.  Plus, I had planned to do my 3rd day of strength training yesterday, but.... well..... it didn't happen, and I messaged my "coach" to let him know why.

This coming week, my only appointment is to get my permanent crown, and then go for labs after I stop this chemo cycle on Wednesday.

Unfortunately, I think I have a new stress fracture, this time in my right foot.  My podiatrist can't get me in until Mar. 4th. 

In the meantime, I am not supposed to take walks or spend too much time on my feet.... thankfully, we have a pedal machine so I can still get exercise and participate in the wellness study.

Have a good week.